i would also like to repeal my movement to not text me.

made some changes.

i can now be texted.

that is all.

that was a lie. that is not all.

HAPPY DISCOVERY CHANNEL SHARK WEEK!!!! i will not leave my futon.

except for tonight. come see A Shallow Grave and ?TrebucheT? tonight at Hailey's. i'll get there around 7 and will probably be there all night. call. OR TEXT ((yay)).

whatever.

travis and i drove to deep ellum to watch miles rock the fuck out at the curtain club tonight. crashsight = ridiculously awesome. i love their music and their onstage performance is awesomely energetic. adverbs are our friends.

abby and justin were no-shows. claim money. whatever.

also playing was industry6. musically descent. onstage presence was definitely lacking. energy scored about a -3.



zombies. yes, zombies.

between bands travesty and i ordered a couple beers. some dude named clint or glen pulls me over and asks if t-funk is my boyfriend. i say no. he buys me a drink. i'm okay with this. i don't manipulate people into buying me drinks. however, i don't argue. that would be impolite.

we talk for a bit and travis starts watching industry6. however, he has moved to just outside of "get me the fuck out of here" range. mistake #1, baller. however, later he tells me that he's going to buy me another beer. i turn around and order and then he invites me over to his place after the show. i told him no because i was driving travis home also. luckily at this point it becomes slightly less awkward because he came back to stand by me. then clint/glen gets mad and refuses to pay for the beer because i won't sleep with him.

boys: do not let this happen. ever. this is grounds for revokation of baller-status.

that is all.

also, finch's album say hello to sunshine = double baller status.

also, until i change my text message plan, please don't text me. i only have 10 left... to last until the 13th of next month. shit. should only be another couple days.

too much drunk texting, i think.

tonight: crashsight. 11pm. curtain club.
tomorrow: a shallow grave. 8pm. hailey's.

with bells on, fuckers.

also, if this doesn't make you get your period and cry yourself to death, then your heart is cold and black.

adventures of the socially awkward shopping by themselves:

as i'm checking out my ass in the target dressing rooms i get a phone call from dude. his "cousin" smoked out last night and has a drug test in 3 hours and is wondering what to do. i say dialysis and diuretics. apparently i'm the only one who thinks i'm funny.

also apparently the word minnesotan is not phonetic. kill babies.

as i'm standing near the hamburger helper section later completely zoned out thinking about zombies i am approached by this dude that i don't remember ever seeing or meeting. but i think he might be the dude in the pictures i found on my camera after some drunken night of him passed out in his underwear. no clue where these pictures were taken or who else is in the pictures. except me.

but dude approaches me and remembers my name and is all "yeah, that was some crazy night..."

we are not friends. do not approach me in public.

awkward.

check this out. watch the video. i used to swim in that.

6 inches?!? gross.

i'm not sure if i miss being a player or am just sick of being played.

mengtar = ridiculous vulnerable.

joe said:

do you have any money to start up a bar? oh do we get to rob banks

mengtar said:

that's your job

joe said:

so what is your job?

mengtar said:

my job is to open it

joe said:

what would you say, ya do here, exactly

mengtar said:

haha. you know, cut the ribbon and drink. OPEN the bar. i get teh keys.

joe said:

you would be the first person I throw out of my bar

mengtar said:

there will be rules. no popped collars. no throwing out the person who opens the bar. no diving...

joe said:

wait just one fucking second! no one tells me when I can and cannot pop my collar I'm so getting the shaft in this deal. I have to move. I have to front the money, run the whole place.... while you smoke and drink yourself to death after cutting a ribbon, a ribbon that I will probably have to hang. you're a terrible buisness partner

mengtar said:

i am a good worker. and i know a good deal of things

joe said:

like?

mengtar said:

hmm... do i go spend money and get a meatball sub or save my money for a mattress and get skinny?

joe said:

hmmmmm. fat and happy or skinny and well rested

i ran into abby and justin at petco today. they will both be at the crashsight show on saturday and might also make it to travis' show on sunday.

sweet.

i missed them.

joe salsman = awesome dude of the day!

"I was watching a special earlier tonight on Discovery health Channel about a women name Kathy who was having stomach-stapling surgery. Kathy wouldn't have been bad looking if she dropped two hundred pounds and stopped wearing her hair like the Hulk. She actually looked a lot like Agustas Gloop. The documentary narrator must have said the words 'morbidly obese' about forty times. I loved it. I don't know why , but I enjoy those words very much. Maybe because they're so brutally honest. So, how was your blind date? 'Morbidly obese.' Not a lot of room for interpretation there. It's probaby not a term used very often in singles ads. 'Morbidly obese woman seeks morbidly obese gentleman for friendship and geometrically impossible attempts at intercourse. Must enjoy strenuous activities such as breathing, shoe tying, and taking long, romantic walkes to the kitchen. I love dogs and horses as well as traditional luncheon meats. My favoirte films are Shallow Hal and anything starring Marlon Brando after 1980.You must be sincere. intelligent, and adapt at barnacle removal.'
I sure would hate to be stricken with morbid ovesity. I wonder how the doctor words that to a patient. 'Well, Kathy, as everyone in the free world already knows, you're obese. Now I hate to be the bearer of such news, but I'm sure your suspicions were alread aroused by things like creaking floorboards and housedresses that were mistaken for car covers. I feel it's my duty to inform you that your obesity has shot past unpleasant, sailed right over disgusting, made a brief stop at horrendous, and finaly landed on morbid'"

Blue Stars percussion 2007:







also, i told you so.

today would be a nice day for sidewalk chalk had i not burned the shit out of myself watching drum corps yesterday. fuck.

it was worth it though. the blue stars are sounding great. i would give anything to have played a pit book like that. i loved the book in 03 and 05. the others were okay. whatever. i'm over it. FCO!!! percussion videos are on their way. stay tuned.



daniel, kennedy, caleb and i watched them rehearse the whole day at UNT. everyone was really excited to see me ((minus one)) and had pretty much the exact same reaction: "megan, you look so great!... but... you're soo white!" i laughed.

apparently michael, mario and michael ann tried making an appearance but were turned away by a staff member who said it was a closed rehearsal... apparently alumni and friends are an exception? because there were a lot of people watching. lame-os.

chade griffe gave me big hugs and said, "if it's any consolation, thanks to your friends in the guard, every girl in the corps absolutely hates them both and all of the rookies know who you are because they've been told stories about how cool you are. we're all on your side." i wish luke holliger had been there also. i miss him too.



afterwards john and i were finally able to sit down and talk. i only cried a little bit. i still love him, even though i've accepted that it's done. i miss him tons.

i also took the visual staff on a beer run to the beer barn. fun fun.



got my ass handed to me in darts at ur moms with travis. i will win one day. one day....

i have my own catch phrase now: suck dick and drum.

what about it.



now i will go pick up some kfc to eat at wing pit with cathy and read a book drinking dollar drafts ((after 6p))

i'm still a little drunk and haven't slept, but these are the things i have learned today:

jonathan severance is officially the coolest kid that i will ever know. i will never plutonically love anyone as much him. period.



john loves me. nothing will ever change the fact that he will never want to hurt me and never wanted to hurt me.

i love john. nothing will ever change the fact that i will never want to hurt him and i never wanted to hurt him.

john is a liar. period. completely undeserving of any trust.

we will never get back together. and if we do. it will be on false pretenses or will be based on our emotional instabilities.

things will eventually be okay.

i don't want to be with him anymore. and even though i could have married him, and we could have lived happily ever after, it didn't happen that way. and that is okay. i can learn from this and get over this and that will also be okay.



i am or will be okay.

i used my fortune cookie lotto numbers for the texas lottery. i'm going to win tonight and then michael and i are opening a bar/percussion studio. it's going to be basically awesome.

then i'm going to buy a mattress. seriously this time.

maybe then i'll get laid by that dude.

so blue stars are in town tomorrow. it's basically got me ridiculously on edge and super nervous. not only because i don't know what he is going to be like, but i have no idea how i will react to anything. i might not care. i might need to start drinking by 2. i don't know.

went to one of travis's friends' parties last night. drank some white russians, smoked some, and watched lebowski. just like the good ol days with the homies back in minnesota. ohh the memories...



afterwards we had an... interesting... conversation out in the parking lot. it was kind of nice. because he was so great at stepping around the topic, this is what i basically got out of him: "you're really cute and you're badass and you like metal which is awesome... but you're a smoker" apparently that's all there is to say... which is also boy-code for "i like cuddling with you, but am completely uninterested in everything else... even fucking."

seriously, where do i find these dudes?!?!?

got home to sleep around 5am. slept horribly. work sucked.

also:

sarah, meet chicago.



chicago, meet sarah.

i took off all day monday because the blue stars will be in denton... good thing they are actually here on SUNDAY. mother fuck.

saw the great taylor moseley the other day. had me in pre-drunklor hysterics. i hate to see what would have happened post-schwasted.

met up with travis after work to see some band at andy's last night. siren something or another. i don't know. but really good. loved the vocalist. note to drummer: paiste? seriously??? wow. great music. hadn't seen any live music down here since i saw crashsight in dallas.



also, crashsight is playing at the curtain club on july 28th with industry6.

and travis' band is playing at hailey's on july 29th.

stay tuned for details.

i can't get my lip ring back in. official sober decision: fuck it.

also it was cathy's bday yesterday so she came home all drunklor. how cute. that means i can make her go to shit with me. good times.

check out my homies in atlanta!

((thanks kyle))



i FINALLY saw transformers last night with travis. and it was everything i hoped it would have been. i will never wait this long to see a movie like that again. it was killing me. then we hung out at his place and saw some badass vin deisel movie.



while we were there, she called at like 2am to ask me a thousand times if i slept with him or if i kissed him and then told me that she didn't believe me. listen, hun, if you know you don't believe me, don't bother asking!!! fuck. this shit is going to need to stop.

i remember playing darts... and that's about it.

now is officially the time: stop drinking.

apparently i'm just going to get more and more anxious every day. i can feel it. this must be what it feels like to be a crazy psychologist. being fully aware of how crazy you are, but for some reason can't do anything about it.

i'm having a hard time distinguishing time and place. also reality from my dreams. some things are happening and i'm not sure if they really happened or if i dreamt them or if i thought them.

snowflake is saying hi. he likes to sing along to flogging molly. good taste.

also, happy birthday, randall!
and happy birthday hal!
and happy birthday kristen!
and happy birthday hanna!

i am completely okay with the fact that i am in complete denial.

one week. cue another complete emotional breakdown.

nice car thanks what do you drive oh i don't, i have a chandelier.



chandelier jokes? anybody? no? i must be drunk still.

apparently i have a problem or a conscience or morals or something now. i was supposed to fuck walker on friday. couldn't. i was in a funk. then last night travis came over ((which was awesome)) and that is the story i will tell now:

the metal band we were supposed to see went on at ur mom's at 9p. the olive garden closes at 11p. however, i got the lucky last table at 10.55p. fuckers. so i didn't leave until almost midnight. i met travis at dan silver leaf. apparently that band was lame, so we walked to hooligans. good times.

drank lots of whiskey. chatted it up with travis.

went home ((with travis)) and we watched the original teenage mutant ninja turtles movie on vhs. ((i bet drunks quoting movies all drunklor gets pretty obnoxiouslor when you're sober))

but for some reason, i couldn't fuck him either. so we just had to fall asleep on my futon. which makes me feel bad because the last time i saw him i had just been complaining about how boys don't put out anymore. and then i get two cool guys dropped on me two nights in a row and for some reason i back down. weird. maybe i need to be more drunk and less tired or something. whatever.

what's with me today?

what's with today, today?

also, i still haven't found anyone to go to the metal show with me tomorrow at ur moms.

maybe because this is how the conversation usually goes.

mengtar says:

hey, want to go to a metal show tomorrow?

anyonex says:

maybe, where is it?

mengtar says:

ur moms.

anyonex says:

whatever.

mike and i decided that we pretty much need to open a bar.

every tuesday. every hour on the hour. we will play journey.

when i got home and peed and duked, i realized that we really just want to drink all the time and get paid for it and have a pool table and dart boards and tvs with every sports channel on at the same time and smoke a lot.

dreams shattered.

i heart tunafish and mozzarella quesadillas.

huzzah!

so i was supposed to hang out with dude tonight. also, dude is his mengtar's-loser-blog name. he texts me and apparently girl went crazy again ((of course)) and he didn't want shit to go down so he cancels.

dude, sorry, but i'm not into your second-hand drama. i can't take things that aren't just straight up and real anymore and i'm not going to play that game.

uncool.

so i came home from work pissed off because i only had three tables and didn't make shit. so i decided to do some problem resolution at lou's. i love that place. it doesn't matter what day of the week it is, i always run into three people i know. tonight it was michael b ((always there, also photographed)) another girl from work, dude from side bar ((turns out his name is eddie)) and travis. travis sat down and chilled with us.

metal show this saturday at ur mom's. ((on university next to movie tavern))

travis' metal show sunday the 29th. stay tuned.

be there motherfuckers.

mengtar said:

dude

michael said:

yo

mengtar said:

let's just fucking go to the bar.

mike said:

why?

mengtar said:

let's see... because i hate people and boys are shadey and i want to drink beer and chainsmoke and because you love enabling my bad habits.

michael said:

you do prove a good point...

mengtar said:

i do. my knowledge is unquestionable.

michael said:

hmm.....bar.....

mengtar said:

it's a great idea. don't doubt me.

michael said:

while i love going out to the bar...I'm not sure if I should.

mengtar said:

why?

michael said:

just feeling kinda....lazy tonight. like I haven't done anything lately at the house except sleep

mengtar said:

not good enough. oh, well then, you know what will make you feel REAL productive?!?!? sitting downstairs with kyle and cathy watching harry potter!

michael said:

eh, I'm kinda paying attention to it. still trying to figure out how to work this vista stuff

mengtar said:

fuck it you're going to get angry before midnight and decide to return it anyway. my logic is undeniable.

michael said:

haha hmm....well, I do have a few dollars in my room...

mengtar said:

that is true. and i do have a couple packs of smokes. give in! be weak! what's it going to be? and don't let it be no. i'll strangle you.

michael said:

it's going to be a yes, but not quite at this moment. perhaps 15 minutes or so

mengtar said:

what?!? dude, i don't have 15 minutes. i already changed.

michael said:

and I'm not even ready

mengtar said:

so get ready. like, now. michael ann is waiting on her front porch with tears in her eyes waiting for us to pick her up. she thinks we forgot about her. now get your ass up here and change so i can be an addict.

michael said:

didn't even know she was coming

mengtar said:

i just called her about 8 seconds ago

michael said:

ok, can you grab my cash and wallet and shit off my desk?

mengtar said:

i just don't know what to do anymore.

mike said:

you could try being less of a ho.



i hate you sometimes.

so i get a phone call around 3-4am from that dude. we talk on the phone for a good hourish and we decide that i should come over. okay... any phone call made to a person of the opposite sex after last call is booty call. correct? of course.

however, this dude calls almost every day after i get back from the bars. STILL WON'T MAKE A MOVE.

i came over for the sole purpose of sleeping in his bed next to him. nothing. he is asking to get raped. and it is definitely a possibility that i do that tonight.



why i think people hang out with me:

boobs.
the rare, but occasional free drink.
the possibility of being raped.
to stare admiringly at my moderate cuteness.
to make their lives seem more stable by comparison.
drama updates.
to bum smokes.
to become famous by association.
free cover at hooligans.

why do people hang out with me, anyway?

ran into walker at the bar. it was cool. apparently we're hanging out friday or saturday. which means mengtar will get laid this week. hopefully by the other guy. that would be better.

not that walker was bad. he was great, actually.

but the other dude is super cool. and i like hanging out with him. walker and i don't hang out. we just fuck. which is fine. it isn't awkward... unless we're at a bar with my friends and they all know that we both fuck and that's about it... like tonight...

then kyle and mike went home so mike could maybe get laid and michael ann and i went to lous to meet up with this other kyle kid that she knows. he was cool. he asked me what my heritage was because apparently i have a weird face. whatever. irish/polish mother fuckers.

alcoholics at birth, we are.

but hanging out with the other dude is more fun. maybe it's the thrill of the chase? no. because i'm getting sick of working for it and i would rather just fuck him and keep hanging out.

whatever.

bed.

enough things have happened tonight to consider it eventful, but i am still bored out of my mind. probably because i'm too sober to really enjoy any of it.

i took a bath for the first time since i was maybe 12? then i remembered why i don't like taking baths. i don't find swimming in a tub of my own filth to be very "relaxing". at all. every time a hair or something would float near me i would get grossed out. not fun.

i got out of the tub around 8.30 and realized that i hadn't gone to petco to buy snowflake more food.

petco got more white's tree frogs in! it's about damn time. they haven't had any since i bought snowflake and wellington back in september. one was almost full-grown ((MASSIVE)) and the other two were snowflake's size. they have one on reserve for me until friday. probably only because i go there all the time.

the dude ((new guy)) came up with my bag of crickets and as he was tying it off he popped the bag. three dozen small crickets all over the place. i could only laugh. i lost control of all of my bodily functions ((sans bowels)) and fell to the ground laughing. it was basically the best. especially since i embarrassed the fuck out of him. sorry dude. clip your finger nails or learn to suck at tying bags less. i don't know what to tell you.

i can't find my Timequake book. and i don't want to start another one or finish another one. i was really in the mood to finish that tonight.

crazy-dude from last night ((as opposed to the crazy-dudes from every other night)) called me on my way home from petco to hang out again tonight. uhh... how about if i start letting less crazy into my life.

tonight i should hang out with married mike. but the only place we can really hang out is a bar or jupiter house. no bar because it is sober night. no jupiter house because i am avoiding daniel.

::sigh:: i guess this is homebody week.

i shouldn't be allowed to use my phone drunk anymore. for calls or text messages.

sarah knew i had a good story because i was sober when i left the message. bitch.

maybe this is the story of where the loser actually succeeds and he wins.



i made a mozzarella meatloaf today because i have am starting atkins diet apparently. but i have a feeling that i'm just going to eat a bunch of greasy meat non-stop and get really fat and then when i hit 400lbs. i will be like "well, i guess kyle was right and this was a bad idea." whatever.

this is audrey. she came out for mario's birthday a few days ago and she made us stay at that really shitty bar so that she and her underage ugly boyfriend could hear their nine inch nails song on the jukebox. not worth it. ever. anyway, i couldn't stand her and she wore stupid flashing lights and carried a flask. when alcoholics like me carry a flask it is cool. when stupid non-hipsters like you carry a flask. not cool.



she also had shitty orange nailpolish and a cultmovie shirt that i totally would have worn, but never now. why do people insist on doing this to themselves?

i also bought celery and peanutbutter. why, i don't know. it seemed like a great idea, but i just remembered that i hate celery.

oh yeah, i bought ice cream too. just so i don't go too crazy. chocolate ice cream with peanut butter. fuck off.

i still have to go back out and buy a new lip ring and more crickets for snowflake.

oh yeah, josh was there too.



i guess these are the famous last words that he said for the boy turned and blew off his head.

the american league will have home field advantage at this years world series for the 10th consecutive year.

fucking right.

watched the game hella stoned at this dude's house that i work with. turns out he's fucking crazy. other dude i work with was telling me stories about how he's a crazy closet bisexual or something. i think he was trying to have a threeway with me and his obviously gay roommate. also, it was obvious that his roommate was the bitch of the relationship. i laughed.

then i got drunk at side bar. i got ditched for lou's when i hadn't finished my drink yet. drama was going down. i chilled on the street chatting it up with some cop. that was alright. his nametag said B. Davis. turns out his first name is ben.

hahaha. ben davis. whatever. it was cool.

then i ran into him with michael ann at the 7-eleven. we joked a bit. i think he was following me later and flashed his brights but didn't want to pull me over because he saw the minnesota plates and we had been talking about minnesota and i had my minnesota twinkies shirt on. it was cool.

i miss listening to his music. fuck prison.

MLB allstar game starts in 20 minutes. fuckin right.

later going to another work dude's place to watch the end of the game and apparently he's grilling steaks. i have a feeling he's kind of a slut. i haven't gotten any in a while ((okay, a week)) and really want to... but not with him.

i guess we'll see.

it's also weird because he looks a LOT like kennedy.

i just saw kennedy last night. whatever.

hal comes back from japan soon! huzzah! for some reason hal being in japan makes me think of peter pan. maybe because they can fly over there.

also, we get to go out for pizza tonight! another excuse to spend money i don't have. but i got a new ((better)) credit card so i can close out my old one. yay! i am officially almost on my feet! ((in a good way. not in a credit card debt way)) promise.

so when it originally went down, i was very suspicious of some kids i knew. marcus and taylor moseley. a few days later, marcus went to county for holding too much weed because of his dumb bitch girlfriend and the ridiculous amount of one-way streets. but seriously, read the signs dumb bitch.

however. taylor moseley has disappeared since the burning of the tomato. and what do you know. incriminating videos have surfaced. and he is a wanted man. oh, taylor...

the infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. the sheer number of experiences i could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and i'm sitting here refreshing my inbox. we live trapped in loops. reliving a few days over and over. and we envision only a handful of paths laid out ahead of us. we see the same things each day. we respond the same way. we think the same thoughts. each day a slight variation on the last. every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. we act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us.

and no, i don't have all the answers. i don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. but i do know one thing: the solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of someday easing my fit into a mold. it doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. it doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up. this is very important so i want to say it as clearly as i can.

fuck. that. shit.

okay, now i get it.

for some reason this last week without sex is KILLING me. daniel and i were discussing it. since when did boys STOP putting out?!?!? i used to be such a rare and appreciated commodity. seriously now. especially since i've now realized that the one dude i was really excited about fucking is completely uninterested. whatever. at least i got a free movie out of it?

daniel and tara the slut are fighting now which makes me slightly happy. not the part where i have to listen to all of her idoicy, but the part where i hate her.

is interblags a word? no? just checking.

also: ben kaufman. holy shit.

happy 100th post via blogger.

my favorite minnesotan in texas is naked in my shower.

tomorrow the blue stars will be at fauquier middle school. i giggle.

blue stars and madison are tied in drums. wow.

sometimes there just aren't enough mental problems.

jason told me today that he finds it extremely odd that outside of work i'm a total chain smoker, but i never nic-out at work or anything but i am always just chill.

i hate people that analyze me. just accept it.

and now i will rip on postsecret.



oh really? how about i am waiting for the day when people like you don't blame all of your problems on attractive persons like it's their fault. you are a piece of shit failure with no friends.



wow, really??? are you fucking ten years old?? this is your greatest biggest secret? you made a personalized postcard, went to all that artsy trouble to say this? but no one blah blah wah wah call your mom, baby. since when are your feelings other peoples' responsibility? suck it up dickbag.



haha, loser. maybe spend less time making ugly postcards ad more time meeting people not in yahoo chatrooms?!?

oh, and what's this? some genius somehow knew about this postcard before everyone else and already sent an email about it??

-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, July 08, 2007 1:43 PM
Subject: awkward silence

i don't know how to have conversations either.

we should talk sometime.



thanks for letting the world be privy to how fucking sad your guys are.

hi, i don't know how to do anything because i am a lazy annoying turd! help me postsecret!



because you are completely incapable getting laid in real life.



way to go mr. break-my-dad's-heart and future in telemarketing.



hey! look everyone! it's an in-denial diabetic! you know what, fuckface? say good bye your vision! my friend's dad is blind now and his wife has to drive him to work everyday in his fancy sportscar because he is blind in both mother fucking eyes!



by avoiding bring-down yin yang drawing douchebags like you.



haha. burn.



oh, fucking burn in hell you asshole piece of shit scum. secrets like these should be mailed back to the wife. fuck this arrogant shamless dick.



thanks for boring the shit out of me and wasting everyone's time.



throw it out before he sees it you dink!



good. fuck hippies.



this picture makes me giggle.

went to the bar with michael ann and michael. told them the ridiculous dramas of the prior evening. then homeboy showed up looking radiant as ever ((which i have decided i should start saying because that's a cool thing that raggedy old men say sometimes)) with another og cat. chilled at his place a bit later. then shit was weird. and now she texts me to make sure we weren't fucking or something?!?!? i don't know. i'm about to drop this thing entirely.

the nasty lake i swam in as a kid is filled with toxic algae. dogs and children are dying.

twins owned the chisox in today's doubleheader.

jim thome owned michael redmond in game two's bat-to-the-header. painful.

mauer replaced him and matt garza was moved to 8 in the lineup. first time a pitcher has been at-bat in the AL since 2000. he struck out and left the field laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. i laughed too.

morneau homered three times. go justin!

last night was... uhh... wow...

at least now i know that it is a flaming sack of drama that i probably shouldn't be involved with.

but i saw live free die hard. it was pretty fucking awesome.

happy 4th i guess.

watched the saddest fireworks display ever. everything is bigger in texas, except on national holidays...

came home. dan called.

dan says:

hey, i just got out of the hospital...

mengtar says:

WHAT?!?!?!?

dan says:

no, my brother is having a baby.

mengtar says:

uh.... what?

dan says:

his wife.

mengtar says:

ohh...

we chilled at jupiter. some ridiculous hipster punks sat at the table next to us but were to arrogant to talk to us until a crazy possibly slightly mentally challenged guy came over talking about how he wants to start a punk/metal band. they were giving him a ridiculous hard time. but then he kept talking. here are some dumb things:

kind of like green day. i mean, they made punk mainstream...

i kind of want to go to LA. it's so big. have you ever seen it on a map? it's so big! do you have a map?

people in compton are mean. i read the Times. 14 year olds get shot there every day. if i went to compton and people were mean, i would just leave.

that was almost my only entertainment of the night.

but then chong showed up. he disappeared in January after he went crazy in someone's closet or something. but he kept trying to drink with me at hooligans. eventually i stopped by. i had an itch on my foot so i scratched it with the sandal on my other foot. apparantly that foot was rubbing on his foot so he tried playing footsie for a good half hour as he was making me drink beer. that escalated to him rubbing my leg and me pushing him away and then insisting that i receive a back massage. eventually adam walked in the door and i gave him a look. he put his ear to my mouth and i said "please save me" to which he replied "do you like shots do you want to do a shot let's do a shot"

it was cool because it was one sentence just like that.

AND i got a free shot out of it! haha. but then he mildly hit on me but it could have been part of the act which i was more than okay with, because he was FAR better than chong.

then he escorted me out the door and gave me a well-deserved kiss on the cheek. it was a good time...

not really. i miss john.

i have such great memories of so many chinese restaurants from the past four years of drum corps independence days.

makes me miss him even more. today is a lonely day.

last night was a little out there. if only i had brought my camera. i've gotten bad about that.

there was a couch that smelled like fish.
50 cent wells at side bar.
drunken text messages.
godly jack in the box.
a short nap outside the theatre.
we woke up michael ann's new neighbors at 3am by throwing rocks at their windows so we could meet carlos the stoned tattoo artist.
a walk to jupiter where i stole a glass that was ours all along.
and i saw a dude i used to work with whose name i couldn't remember but he noticed that i lost weight and he liked my hair. people i barely know should do that more often. just be like "hey, good to see you, you look great, bye". a very efficient conversation.

john is sleeping with her. i hate thinking about it, but it's not like i'm reserving myself either. i hate that i have double standards about everything... sometimes. when he comes to denton, i need to tell him everything. but it was comforting because i knew that he is finally being honest about what is going on. but my biggest fear is still that it will turn into more than just two friends fucking and trying to survive the summer and that he will come back and not want to be with me. biggest fear.

spiders have nothing on that one.

my favorite drunk food and hangover food is kfc. even though i woke up this morning feeling and looking skinnier, i'm weighing out significantly more. whatever, i still need some kfc.

so i went on a date with this dude from work. i thought it would blow, but he ended up being a lot cooler than he usually is at work. turns out we have a lot in common. he likes baseball and loves the mars volta and is mildly entertained with video games. we shared stories. i got a kiss on the cheek. the end.

chilled with the homies afterwards at jupiter house. still drunk. saw a dude i know there again. he took down my number.

mike and travis drove me home.

dude called. i went over. had some pretty awesome sex. twice. i slept for an hour and a half and then had to go to work. gross.

transformers is out. and i'm too tired. i=lame.

after all of my valiant efforts of avoiding dates with too many guys, i finally gave in. but that means nothing.

i'm going to hooligans tonight with jason, a dude i work with. he had been quite persistent. however, he was also supposed to call me last night. he claims he texted me. i don't know. but i might need to call dan or mike to come crash my date if it comes down to it.

i miss this kid.

one of the dudes from lou's last night ((also possibly a jason)) came into the olive garden today. asked me out. i said no. apparently he lives a few houses down from michael ann's new house. i hope i didn't start neighborhood awkwardness.

i saw mike and ronnie at lou's last night also. i watched them play foosball through the window. apparently ronnie won an old NES system. congrats to him.

forgetting everything would make this so much easier. if i could just go a day without thinking about it. just to be normal.

i think mike hid the scale. i don't know how much i weigh. which might be a good thing right now.

obsess much?

dan has a goal of hooking me up with every barely eligible guy in denton. so far he is 0-4. not the best record, even worse than my fantasy baseball stats.

one was two days ago at jupiter. he told me i was hot and adorable all night and that i should drink at his place ((even though it was already 3am.)) ten minutes later he started talking about his 2 year old son. uhh... no. then he started talking to this guy that walked out of the coffee shop. i turned around and it was walker. a former black eyed pea bartender. i asked walker if i should go over to his place. he laughed a bit and said that he was looking out for his girl, and i should definitely not go over. i laughed.

the last one was last night at ur moms after we did the fry-street crawl for mike and big momma's birthdays. at least he has good taste in the appearance spectrum. this guy was okay in his pick-up lines. later vic, a former movie tavern cook, came to the bar to say hi. i started talking to him and dan's pick pulls me over and whispers in my ear, "babe, you're too adorable to be talking to niggers." to which i reply "that's why we don't hang out." turns out he had spent the last five years in prison. later i made travis save me to get me the fuck away from that guy. i saw a bunch of movie tavern people that remembered me and it was cool. drank lots. the end.

michael ann and i came upon a striking discovery today. one: italics are okay. two: drinking at the house is LAME.

so after a drink, we went out to lou's.

played the ring toss game with a couple guys and they bought us drinks. it was alright. even though they were also slightly lame but not quite as lame as the people i live with. but whatever. it was company and free drinks.