homeboy said:

i'm put off by him also... and i don't even have the book i really need to be working on. fuck i suck at this.

mengtar said:

see! i told you! it's not that he talks to you.. i think he's trying to make up for the reality that he's really more awkward than i am. that's what i tell myself.

homeboy said:

all day long.

mengtar said:

what a wondrous fantasy i create for myself... but THAT is what will make me a great fiction writer. i will believe it all to be true as i already do.

homeboy said:

what are you waiting for?

mengtar said:

to believe what i just said is exactly true.

also, i'm a shitty friend.


khox said:

are you still coming over?

mengtar said:

nah, i'm already home. i forgot i still had so much schoolwork left.

khox said:

but i made you a scavenger hunt!

mengtar said:

a what?

khox said:

a scavenger hunt to the beer!

mengtar said:

i'll be over right away!

khox said:

no! you already ruined it for me!



((this is guilt))

my new composition professor is roughly ninety years old. i doubt she reads my blog.

she told us that this course will teach us the crucial critical thinking skills to make good decisions as we journey through the path of life ((clicheeeeeee))

does that mean i can't do coke off my kitchen counter top anymore?

mengtar said:

hey, how're ya'll doing?

tablex said:

two iced teas

mengtar said:

well that's good. my name is mengtar and i'll be taking excellent care of you today. can i start you off with anything to drink?

tablex said:

what?

mengtar said:

i'm doing well too. ((exit stage right))


they complained to the manager...

sometimes at work, i'll walk around the restaurant looking for people i know... so i can not talk to them.

don't freak out. the irs will be paying me ten thousand dollars on february sixth. ten thousand. don't freak out.

tomorrow will be spent cleaning on account of the discovery of a cricket refugee camp under my sweater. find peace in your shelter tonight, boys, tomorrow is your day of reckoning.

the quick newspaper has been reformatted and will now only be distributed weekly... and with no crossword puzzle, sudoku, or horoscopes.

this will be a true test of my ability to make it through sociology lectures.

after class, i stepped outside for a smoke and was greeted by a, "hey, girly. cute hair. you look nice today"

what the fuck? that was obviously not for me. a typical greeting for me would be, deathenator, suhh-luht, or playgirl... and usually done by mAx with a compliment that doesn't extend past how my titties look in whatever shirt i decided to pick off the floor that doesn't smell like a bar.

i turn from my crossword search to see the cute pretentious guy from sociology class looking over my shoulder.

((quick, mengtar, don't fuck this up))

mengtar said:

hey... uh... they changed it and there's no crossword and i can't know if i do class now... ((what just came out of my mouth?))

cutesociologydudex said:

heh... well we'll just have to find some other way to entertain ourselves.

mengtar said:

((awkward long pause. this is our first conversation that isn't about his car or lecture-sarcasm)) i guess. but crossword books just aren't the same. ((which actually came out with a stutter, in butchered sentence structure, and possibly some made-up words... i'm pretty smooth around cute boys.))

cutesociologydudex said:

well, i guess i'll see you tuesday.

mengtar said:

my friends' band plays tonight if you want to see them? there's a drag show, you see, and...

((receive a decently perplexed look))

mengtar continues:

nevermind. tuesday.

((welcome to awkward moments with mengtar))

sweating out all those alcohol and cigarette toxins is more painful and smelly than i had previously imagined. next time i won't wait three days between showers.

done and done.

tuesday's drink to a rage night was decently disappointing. it ended up being more like tuesday's roam around denton with drinks in your hand looking for something to do night.

however, i did meet a schwasted kid that put a weed in my hair...

schwastedkidx said:

wait, wait, wait! stop.

mengtar said:

yes?

schwastedkidx said:

do you like guys or girls?

mengtar said:

uh... guys?

schwastedkidx said:

oh... well, good luck with that.


was he hoping to hook up with a lesbian last night?

gaymanagerx said:

UGH! i hate that smell.

mengtar said:

clams? i think that's why we both like boys.

((FUCK! i need a functioning camera again))

i left my phone at homeboy's yesterday which was particularly devestating, as it was momx's bday and jxsx flew down from eau claire.

no panic, as i was under the assumption that it would have been returned to me prior to 3ish am when i found it on the futon... was angry. no longer. whatever.



had some wine and sandwiches with jxsx and was updated on all the juicy gossip of everyone hating and sleeping with everone.

i forgot to close my bar tab at andy's on drunken tuesday, as i was preoccupied with my escape from stalker boilerjx.

last night i returned to close my tab... and ONLY close my tab...

mengtar said:

hi, i just need to close a tab from the other night.

door guy said:

that's cool. wait... you're the minnesota girl, right?

mengtar said:

yes.

door guy said:

because this band is from minneapolis.

mengtar said:

badass! let's do it!



((couple drinks later... i suck at this sobriety thing))

the band was pictures of then. kind of an indie rock band i guess. ballers regardless.

i approached a band member after their set to show support and such... that was a lie. it was because they were all cute and i wanted to brag about also being from the great white north. don't judge me.

long story short... that was another lie... it's going to be closer to a drunken story recollection rather than a synopsis...



chilled with keyboardist minnesotatx for quite a bit. he drinks miller lite ((ew)) but has exceptionally soft hair.

turns out he has an uncle in fort worth that he was hoping to spend time with, but the band was about to make the trek back home.



umm... let's party?

done.

((i'm so hospi))



also, i think i joined a band.

so let's jump right in, shall we?

saturday night i hung out with russiantx. drinking and pool at lou's. good time. whatever.

got hit on by the hottest lesbian that i have ever been hit on by... fuck. she was gorgeous. if i'd hit it, it would have made my night slightly calmer than it actually ended.

went home with russian tx.

had sex.

whatever.

post-sex... about three minutes...

mengtar said:

tell me something i don't know about you. ((a standard question that would typically trigger a response along the lines of "my brother is a vet" or "my favorite shape is the horse-shoe"))

russiantx said:

three months ago i paid for the abortion of my first child.

whoa whoa whoa... what?!?!?

yes. that happened.

((dueces))

in celebration of surviving crazy-awkward night from hell, i got high and shared some wine with junkiecx. great times were had...

also, there is this...



((boxwine, fuckers))

no, i don't know how to make the video stop playing!

hung.

i still felt sick and mopey last night and was supposed to go to the blue condition show at the door.

bailed.

then cxpx called to ask some stupid question...

cxpx said:

so what are you doing tonight?

mengtar said:

i don't know. probably just stay home and rest a bit.

cxpx said:

aww... are you throwing up?

mengtar said:

no.

cxpx said:

do you have a fever?

mengtar said:

no.

cxpx said:

then wipe the blood off your vagina and go get something to drink!

well worth it.

the rest of the night was NOT worth it.

my nipple ring fell out in my sleep and now my boobie looks naked. i found the bar but because it was out all night, i can't fit it back in.

FUCK! i only slept like 4 hours! how does that shit heal up so damn fast!?!? i hope rx is still doing piercings so i can get this fixed. FUCK!

FUCK!

((fuck))

i'm not sure why i continue to make pseudo-plans with you more than 20 minutes in advance when i know they will fall through. anything between 40 minutes to three hours has a thirty per cent chance of working out and anything over 12 hours doesn't stand a chance.

and i still can't buy the intimidation factor when you have the balls to say or do some pretty shitty things.

in other recent news, i love hotdogs.

also, i'm pretty sure i am set on becoming a complete recluse. i'll just sit in my room with wellington also wearing nothing but a hat and slippers and blog about how i still hate people.

i think my attic creature left me too. how lonely.

ushistoryteacherx said:

have you seen gone with the wind?

mengtar said:

not since i was six.

ushistoryteacherx said:

you are defiant in your duties as an american citizen... and as a southerner.

mengtar said:

i'm a yankee.

ushistoryteacherx said:

and with that, we need take a break.

((during the same period))

ushistoryteacherx said:

we need another andrew jackson. i want my president to shoot somebody.

((amazing))

also, i'm beginning to develop a mild ((but growing)) dislike for my world literature teacher. ((it's a community college. they're not allowed to be called professors.)) worst. grammar. ever.

"i could give you an A" = "i might-can give you an A"

several times.

might-can.

seriously?

also, the outdoor cockroach infestation on oak and welch is finally gone. i'm glad they didn't build an empire or my fry street parking would have fallen to sub-prime. i bet they were socialists.

sometimes i think beer is the best suppressant of my longing to bash in your car windows. all of them.

also, after watching DEATH RACE at the movie tavern ((tropic thunder was sold out, but totally worth it for the whole action-so-ridiculous-it's-comical thing. and seeing a naked jason stathom wasn't so bad either.)) i made my way to visit with wx over more beers. wx is a football guy, but was in drumline his first year of highschool.

but here's the exciting part...

wx said:

yeah, our instructor was really nice, but he was a fucking perfectionist. we could play the greatest rep and he would still find something wrong with it. pipitone.

mengtar said:

what?? pipitone?!

wx said:

yeah?



mengtar said:

jj pipitone? THE jj pipitone?!?

wx said:

you know him?



((i called buctrose immediately))

a few key notes of interest before we get to the beefy part... i almost hit my first road kill tonight. a possum. i would not have looked forward to later picking all of it's hair from my wheels. ew.

also, if you go to fry street, don't park at oak and welch. outdoor cockroach infestation. yes, those apparently exist.

and tonight's main dish...

so the year was 2008... i paid a visit to oklahoma, birthplace of the reflection seismograph!



bx is back from his worldly travels! he spent forever and then some in tasmania and a couple months building "sanitation modules" ((shitters)) in peru. ((love this kid)) he enlightened me on his new theories of gifting, dumpster diving, everyone in america being a dick... except us, and zero monetary contribution to the production of meat... but not being a vegetarian. the latter i found the most interesting, and may consider adopting.




he was a lot different. but bx was never that normal in the first place.

when i picked him up, he gifted me something he found buried in peruvian rubbel. the cover of the first ((1978)) playboy released in spanish!



bx said:

you like naked girls and titties, right?

mengtar said:

yes.

bx said:

have this.




i also got a hat!



after a decent time exploring oklahoma city and discovering decorated buffalo and the 1995 oklahoma city bombing memorial, we made our way to the baseball stadium for the....

DAVE MATTHEWS BAND SHOW!

as a non-dave fan ((but not an anti-dave person, as i greatly respect his musicianship)) i thoroughly enjoyed the show. 3-hours of just great music. and his all along the watchtower cover isn't so bad either.







however comma, oklahoma is FULL of douchebags. i think all of the crotchspawn children i see in public that i hate so passionately all grow up to be dave matthews fans.



we had to listen to these four d-bags in front of us tell the same fucking joke for forty fucking minutes!



d-bagx said:

give me a 'my car's air conditioning broke and when i got out i had swass' what's up guys.

d-bagy said:

what's up guys.

((everyone laughs))

d-bagy said: give me a 'i had sex with a girl and came in 30 seconds' what's up guys.

d-bagx said:

what's up guys.

mengtar said:

give me a 'i got tickets to the dave concert but the d-bags in front of me wouldn't stop annoying the shit out of me' what's up guys.

bx said:

what's up guys.




i also stopped at a scenic outlook. ((i know what you're thinking. "oklahoma? scenic?" it wasn't. no worries.)) i took pictures of unscenic oklahoma until i saw a rattle snake so i decided to continue driving rather than die.

i couldn't sleep so i went running, but my allergies have been super-bad lately so i was coughing up green phlegm all over the sidewalks and i hope people slip in it.

oh yeah, want to make out?

i received a phone call this morning saying that i won a gym membership! i was really excited until i remembered putting my name in the drawing at my bank because i wanted some other amazing prize that i obviously did not win... but i think everyone in the drawing got a free 2-week membership... so i didn't really win... but they said i did... that prize will go unredeemed.



mengtar said:

i like running in hats. will that interfere with any of your policies?

gym lady said:

no.

mengtar said:

excellent. i accept.

homeboy and i finally hit up jackies, the lake dallas dive. if no one drank at rumor's ((of rice, mn)) it would be jackie's. i wore the blue shirt with the bow and fucked up sleeves. while i was waiting for homeboy, this 30-something regular was talking me up at the bar and later he gave homeboy and i "relationship advice"... then he introduced me to his ex-wife. awkward.



i met jackie... THE jackie... THE jackie of JACKIE'S bar... and shot pool with him and the ex-wife of the "relationship advice" dude. later she got in a bitch-fight with homeboy over me not calling the pocket on the 8, even though she had yet to call it any time she shot for it prior. rednecks are bitches.

kx is back at home from barely making finals. but anyone beating out crossmen at semifinals ranks top with me. ((2006 anyone?)) we celebrated over premo beers and fajitas.



((and now for yet another tshirt from our sponsor!))

also, i'm going to do constant weight training and never eat and become an olympian. i haven't decided which sport to participate, but i'm leaning towards china's men's gymnastics.

i'm too drunk to upload photos.

and still too angry and anxious to discuss this week.



jxnumbereighty-five isn't going to jail ((whew)) but has 20 months of probation, $4k in fines, 80 hours of community service, 2 months of anger management and 2 months of woman battering classes.

at this point, i'm feeling incredibly vengeful.

and then i went to andy's tonight...

heart vengeance.



here lies snowflake. 2006-2008.



worsehalfofjandl... it's not baseball or dead frogs... so check this shit! ((courtesy of rx))




jxnumbereighty-five said:

hey, man, what's with did you do to these brownies?

ix said:

hey, fam... hey...

mengtar said:

seriously. how many eggs did you use?

ix said:

back up.

mengtar said:

bwahaha. is this from a box? how many eggs did you use?

ix said:

i said back up!




also, i totally decided to hook up the photos anyway.



back up.

facebook wall-to-wall:

jxnumbereighty-five said:

does ur phone work? and if so know that ignoring black people will only end with a ridiculous grudge being held against you.....

mengtar said:

my phone works fine. just because i didn't want to go to crazy mary's birthday party with you doesn't mean i'm ignoring you. you could call or text me just as easily. what are you doing later this week?



phonecall at 10am:

crazy mary said:

mengtar, i don't like what you wrote on my BOYFRIEND'S facebook page and i just don't understand why you would say that about me and i'm asking you nicely to take it down this instant!

mengtar said:

did you steal my car?

crazy mary said:

what?

mengtar said:

don't call me ever again.



UPDATE:

later tonight...

jxnumbereighty-five said:

i'm not her boyfriend. i'm crashing with you tonight.

mengtar said:

are you sleeping on the other side of homeboy?

jxnumbereighty-five said:

you're STILL fucking him?!?

mengtar said:

you still don't put out.

dadx said:

saturday night... popcorn, fudge and watching heart and souls movie... wish you were here.

mengtar said:

i had a shiner black beer at movie tavern and watched the new hellboy2 movie. i wish i was there too.

dadx said:

i'd rather watch hellboy and have a black.



i take my hydration very seriously.



my afternoon of greatness and drinking and watching the twins game at the bar and more drinking and then watching hellboy2 and still drinking came to an end right about there.

there was a 180 mood change once i got to jupiter. i'm pretty sure i'm premensing. look out, kids, i am bad attitude central.

i mean, i wasn't completely unprovoked.



ugly kid in a pantera shirt wouldn't leave me alone. i'm wearing headphones and reading a book. do i really look like i'm welcoming a conversation?

luckily homeboy texted me to meet up again at coolbeans because there was some kicking music. too bad i STILL don't have my id and STILL can't get into certain bars certain nights of the week.

fuck texas.

and fuck the minnesota dmv.

i went home to play some splinter cell. ((tom clancy video games: mengtar's guilty pleasure)) but the fucking new roommates are playing ironman, which is lamecity. not even tom clancy lame, because, like the rainbow six games, it is at least fun in the "i just want to kill some bitches" sort of way, but it has reached a very true and genuine level of lame that can only be matched by sporty velcro sandals and muzak.

at least i had the time to hold up the bathroom once i got home to take an explosive dump from my movie tavern cheese pizza. ((special note: mengtar loves cheese... also, mengtar has a lactose intolerance... also, mengtar doesn't care, it's totally worth it))

about a minute later, bballamike called to tell me that the dude playing at the garage "is soo amazing" and that i "haaave to be heere!!!!" i played off the whole "awww... that's too bad, i totally would go if i had an id" but really i was just screaming in my head because i'm sick the bullshit. i hung up the phone and threw it at the wall.

then i pooped some more.

we ran some errands at 4am, because those ARE the prime hours.

mengtar said:

i swear i didn't go snooping around in your car while you were gone.

yetanotherjxsaid:

what?

mengtar said:

and i definitely didn't notice that you hide your hank williams cd underneath your pig destroyer.

yetanotherjxsaid:

shutup. you're gay.

one day i will get a camera and show pictures of my amazing car and exceptionally cute hair.

until then...

so last night was pumpkin head's last night in texas. hit up hooligans ((where i still can't drink until i get my ID back... bitches)) and then to andy's to watch bballamike sing. he did a great job until some drunk non-friend decided to try singing with him. i'd have taken a great video of non-friend trying to sing and knowing he wasn't good so he turned the microphone away during all of the high barely in range screamy parts. also, he was bad.

i tried to find my pumpkin afterwards but he had left for ihop. i had every intention of joining him, but ran into the original ax and was swept away by the idea of another round of ((free)) drinks at boiler room.

the original ax said:

so are do you want to come over tonight?

mengtar said:

no, i have to go home.

the original ax said:

come on, you know you want this...

mengtar said:

well... my crotch is still exploding. ((lie))

the original ax said:

i have a shower.

mengtar said:

ew. ((not a lie))

meanwhile, homeboy is standing three feet away. it's always pretty awkward being propositioned for sex when i'm out with him.

i had to give him a ride home because he was too drunklor, where he continued to try touching me and taking out his weewee for me to touch. i managed to decline.

we also ran into my bff, but she un-facebook friended me, so i didn't feel the need to say hi or try to out-fake-nice her.

it's art-fusion night at rubber gloves again. i'm supposed to be joining rx and tx, but just realized this afternoon that i won't be able to get in without my id. fuck this shit.

it's time for rum.

i was fixing my saran wrap window while getting gas this morning ((okay, late afternoon)) and this lady was like, "not quite the ideal weather for not having full air conditioning, eh?" and then got into her hummer and drove off into the fog...

bitch.

i walked into discount tire this morning ((whatever, late afternoon, get over yourself)) and was greeted by jeff my tire guy.

jeff said:

it hasn't been long enough for you to be back here!

mengtar said:

i know... my car was stolen and they flattened a tire.

jeff said:

the one in the trunk?

mengtar said:

don't get cocky.

a good relationship with your tire guy is very important. i recommend jeff.

from the position i was sitting, i could see over a dozen dead bugs along the inside perimeter of discount tire. i was okay with that. as a tire shop, it's acceptable and almost expected. although, i still have no problem drinking the coffee.

no, YOU get a life!

almost missed this treasure while jxnumbereighty-five was in town...

mengtar's phone rings and displays "black mike calling"...

mengtar said:

who the fuck is black mike?

jxnumbereighty-five said:

it actually says black mike? give it to me... hello?... yes... can i ask who's calling?... mengtar, it's for you. it's black mike.

apparently black mike was looking for hope's phone number because joseph has her keys.

((i don't know hope or joseph... and who the fuck is black mike?))