oh no! the cute guy that caught me staring at him 6 times in 45 seconds is here! and he's sitting two rows in front of me again!

((don'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlook))

i hate HATE when i step outside to enjoy a cigarette and there are people standing obnoxiously close having annoying conversation. just make out already so i don't have to hear your mentally-handicapped giggles and snorts.

why can't i just run everyone's life according to my own terms?

((because everyone would be a stuttering, alcoholic, unshowered mess. that's why))

update: the guy that turned around to see me staring at him six times looked back at my computernotebookeverything-sprawl after packing up... i imagined him being disappointed that i wasn't there... but then he watched me outside for thirty seconds while i pretended not to notice...

i just got busted staring at a cute boy at the coffee shop... he turned around about eighty times, and i had to raise my eyes each time he looked forward... he caught me about 6 times in 45 seconds. maybe i should put my hood up and sunglasses on and pretend i have an accent and also i'm a completely different person...

totally believable.

the quick newspaper has been reformatted and will now only be distributed weekly... and with no crossword puzzle, sudoku, or horoscopes.

this will be a true test of my ability to make it through sociology lectures.

after class, i stepped outside for a smoke and was greeted by a, "hey, girly. cute hair. you look nice today"

what the fuck? that was obviously not for me. a typical greeting for me would be, deathenator, suhh-luht, or playgirl... and usually done by mAx with a compliment that doesn't extend past how my titties look in whatever shirt i decided to pick off the floor that doesn't smell like a bar.

i turn from my crossword search to see the cute pretentious guy from sociology class looking over my shoulder.

((quick, mengtar, don't fuck this up))

mengtar said:

hey... uh... they changed it and there's no crossword and i can't know if i do class now... ((what just came out of my mouth?))

cutesociologydudex said:

heh... well we'll just have to find some other way to entertain ourselves.

mengtar said:

((awkward long pause. this is our first conversation that isn't about his car or lecture-sarcasm)) i guess. but crossword books just aren't the same. ((which actually came out with a stutter, in butchered sentence structure, and possibly some made-up words... i'm pretty smooth around cute boys.))

cutesociologydudex said:

well, i guess i'll see you tuesday.

mengtar said:

my friends' band plays tonight if you want to see them? there's a drag show, you see, and...

((receive a decently perplexed look))

mengtar continues:

nevermind. tuesday.

((welcome to awkward moments with mengtar))

so apparently strip club night has been rained out...

?

exactly.

something about impaired driving in the rain from dallas after drinking free cocktails being a bad idea? whatever.

so i guess it's just going to be the regular ol denton bar hop.

in sociology, this dude that i've never even seen before decided to give me the "good afternoon" routine. i didn't buy it. and by i didn't buy it... i actually mean i freaked out and stared at him for 8 seconds before blurt-shouting "HI-WHAT!?"

which brings me to shoe-shopping...

i drove around denton looking for athletic stores that would sell indoor soccer shoes...

apparently everything on my side of town closes at 7.30p unless you serve food or alcohol.

so i had to drive to the loop to check out sports authority and the mall stores. sa had men's indoor shoes, but they were a no-go.

back to sociology "HI-WHAT!?" guy...

i ran into him on my way out of sa.

sociology guy said:

hey, mengtar, what are you doing here?

mengtar said:

.... uhh... they don't have the right shoes. i'm leaving now.

and walked out... he's pretty cute... and probably thinks i'm a sociopath.

great.

and i was too anxious that more strangers might approach me in the mall with free samples of all-natural hand lotion that smells like spring mists after mountain rain blooms so i'm saving that one for tomorrow.

where's mAx? i should be drinking...

also, i'm still trying to get the balls to go to art6 for coffee and studying. i feel like i should at least experience it ((as a local coffeeshop connoisseur)). but new places means new strangers... and maybe these strangers are even more awkward and talkative-at-strangers than jupiter house.

what if someone shows me pictures of their kids or asks how my days has been or inquires about the weather?

if that happens, i might cry.

also, i totally didn't mean to turn you down upon boobie-touch last night. i was just trying to muster up the balls to say that i read what you said and appreciated it for what you said and meant... and yeah... can we still have make-up sex?

((awkward))

wow... we're both lame-o5000.

also, i love this song... and not just because it's about zombies... but totally because it's about zombies...

((what's in your head?))

i called a boy to ask if he wanted to hang out tomorrow but he has class and it immediately turned into the most awkward phone conversation ever because i really like him and i thought he liked me but then he didn't call me for a couple days and it's probably because he's been busy and i have too but maybe it's actually because he doesn't really like me and i totally thought he did...

i'm so embarassing and also i'm mentally twelve right now.

the fire hydrant ((new coffee shop)) is awkwardly quiet. i felt like i had to whisper my order to the guy behind the counter.

he replied loudly.

i started receiving my fortune magazine subscription today, but i'm not allowed to read it until i finish my paper.

upon submission of my essay, my net worth is going to increase twenty per cent.

one of homeboy's friends that doesn't like me complimented my shirt and was more fake-nice than usual. i almost bought into it.

the silly mistakes i make while sober...

((le sigh))

i forced myself to go out and pretend to enjoy myself this afternoon even though i was feeling far too introverted for any sort of usual banter.

i went home to calm myself with a shitty movie and laundry so i could start again later with the renewed attitude of a housewife that lacks cinematic taste.

and i get bailed on again.

the original bail was my airport ride. and now i have to decide between sitting at the airport from 8a until my flight leaves at 3p and parking my car in the remote lot and paying over $50 in parking...

i have apparently been un-bailed on... but i already have a shitty attitude again so i hope YOURE FUCKING HAPPY ABOUT IT!

((le sigh))

hey, minnesota, take your daughter back. it's clear she needs your care.

almost missed this treasure while jxnumbereighty-five was in town...

mengtar's phone rings and displays "black mike calling"...

mengtar said:

who the fuck is black mike?

jxnumbereighty-five said:

it actually says black mike? give it to me... hello?... yes... can i ask who's calling?... mengtar, it's for you. it's black mike.

apparently black mike was looking for hope's phone number because joseph has her keys.

((i don't know hope or joseph... and who the fuck is black mike?))

stopped by jupiter house prior to the lake dallas drive. newly-turned platinum blond barista girl pointed out yesterday how i always talk to her but seem "exceptionally awkward" around others.

tonight was no different.

as i left with my medium soy mocha some dude was looking at me and walking towards me. i jump-panicked, but then he walked behind me to get some juice...

dude said:

that was completely unnecessary.

mengtar said:

don't make eye contact if all you want is juice!

recently platinum barista said:

forgive her, it's midnight and she hasn't had her morning coffee.

((you've been fed))

kx has left for a summer on tour with the madison scouts. ((but i secretly have money on him coming home in a month on injury))

i played dress-up today in bkx's zoot-suit and fedora. it was basically amazing... ignore the mess... everywhere.






so last night in all of it's glory started out with me gimping out to boiler room to catch the hickory street hellraisers. i was immediately called out by this older guy who has seen me before. "you're the baseball girl!" ((as a matter of fact, i AM the baseball girl)) he's foreign ((don't know from where)) and is kind of cool to talk to. but then he got over-complimenting and asked me for my number and i gave him a fake ((obvs)) and i'm glad he didn't try to call me right away or i would have had to bolt to the ladies' room and call homeboy to make sure he wasn't stalking me from outside the bathroom door.

but i remember last time i was happy to talk to him because i was drunk and he gave me a legit compliment: my outfit was classy. it was.



this pose was supposed to be me selling bootleg rolexes on the street... brooklake street... but instead it turned out to be creepy stripper. hat angles and the intsensity of the part in your hair mean everything.



if only i had a bigger collar to pop. le sigh.



featuring the latest design in pimp-wear... wrap-around pants! so the legs remain baggy and your pants stay up so you can keep your cane in one hand and your bitches throat in the other.



this was supposed to be my badass pose, but ended up looking like an attempted sexy pose. special note: i don't have a sexy pose.



i ((don't)) like to think that the type of people who approach me in public are the same type of people who read my blog.

the type of people who read my blog are...
unattractive older men that are not rich
drug addicts that will overdose soon
obnoxiously artsy college students whose art i don't like
attractive similar-aged college students who have a major red-flag malfunction like 2 kids or axe murderer or foot fetishes

on my way home i got a flat tire. beautiful. and my trip to LA was just in reach! now i need tires. ((fuck my life))



this is the face of everything awesome, and that is all you ever need to know.



i have a million things to do tomorrow, but instead i think i'll go teach drum corps.

most of this is not-taking manual live-blogging from mostly tonight but basically all day.

toby thompson is doing a book signing for his book "positively 4th st: minnesota's bob dylan" at dylan days in hibbing, mn. my aunt is getting me a signed copy. ((thanks auntie sharon)) also, there will be more posters and maybe a plane ticket.

i went to cool beans to watch the keyboard/singer from congratulations do some solo shit. when i was at the bar there were three ultra-southern-hick dudes that had just arrived and one turned to me and just said "hey, baby, you single?" umm... you're thirty-five and... ew.

later they were asking the bartender if some bar down fry street was a gay bar. it's summer and the college kids are leaving, so don't touch me ever and fucking get out of my town and can i get a shiner draft, please?

the chairs that i was sitting on ((there were several different types)) were like the grade k chairs in mrs. bogie's class. the cracked fiberglass ones that were waay comfortable... and since being drunk brings you back to grade k, they were equally comfortable.

also there was this jewel.

mengtar said:

can i get two shiners and a shot of beam?

cute dude in white shirt said:

you should get two.

mengtar took her shot and said:

he's not that cute.

cute dude in white shirt was in the middle of a drink and spit beer everywhere all zach morris on saved by the bell style and i smiled and walked away. thoroughly pleased.

tonight may have been stranger small talk for blog appreciation appreciation night. appreciation was meant to be in there exactly that amount of times. get over it.

also, i bought more rum and windsor. so... canadian whiskey night might be on wednesday... tomorrow... well... today. thanks dadx.

i broke my non-beer-drinking streak of two days. but it was for the show of someone absolutely worth it... so it might not count.

sometimes you're just an object to me.

full out amber alerts for my sweatshirt of absolute comfort from a couple posts ago.

maple leaf rag. 2nd grade, fuckers. get over yourself... nah... i love that kid.

i will accept your repayments at any time. make it worth it.

also, you're a story ruiner. just because you read my blog doesn't mean you can't pretend haven't heard it.

just buy my beers until forever because my patience is valuable and gas isn't cheap.

today has been painful and awkward all around.

my doctor told me that because my liver and kidneys are still recuperating that after i drink, i should take some sort of diuretic and drink a LOT of water. it will help flush everything out without making it so hard on my body.

last night ax called to join the homies for drinks at applebees. they might be joining me for a ballgame! afterwards, i got so far as to remember to take the water pill, but passed out before i could remember to drink anything... bad idea.




i woke up around 5 am suprised as balls that there was a homeboy in my bed ((even though i told him to come over)). i was the thirstiest i've ever been and was about to pee my pants. drinking my pee actually came to mind. gross.

i made it to the bathroom with no leaks, sprays, or explosions. i stood up to go to the kitchen for a water and almost fell over. i practically crawled to the kitchen and drank 6 glasses and went back to bed.

i woke up a half hour later... ((lather, rinse, repeat))... FIVE TIMES!




by the time i woke up for work, ((still thirsty)) my legs and back were so sore from being that dehydrated.

painful and awkward.

((regret #17, just in case i don't trash the book))



i just got back from a run. i got about 1.5-2 miles away and realized that i had to poop. no biggie. i turned around and picked up the pace a little bit. about .25m later, my ass is about to explode. in the last mile, i was trying to walk as quickly and gracefully as possible as to not continue the bouncing of the bowels.

by the time i got home, i couldn't even climb the stairs because i was starting to get all crampy. i had to shit in the guest bathroom.

painful and awkward.

i ate a banana.



sad panda.



in upcoming events, tomorrow is the start of my birthday weekend extravaganza. it will start with me sleeping in and checking out some of denton's arts and jazz festival. ((everyone should plan to be here))

((note to out-of-staters: denton has an annual arts and jazz festival that they are waay too cream-your-pants about... i'm sure it's better than the wheels wings and water festival with the lemonade concert and shit, but still... nobody will shutup about it))

post shit-fest, i'll hit the road to arlington to catch the opening game of the three-game sweep that is about to happen this weekend. ((go twins! cleaning house!!)) ((everyone should plan to be here))

upon my return to denton, i'll run the boiler room to catch congratulations and the sugar free all-stars. ((everyone should plan to be here))



saturday: lather rinse repeat with a different crowd and no boiler. ((but everyone should plan to be here)) also, we will be cooking out and pre-gaming in the lot. come hook up with us and grab a hotdog.

sunday: everyone should plan to shower me with gifts and cookies and alcohol and compliments and fruit baskets. and then join me for the last birthday series ballgame. followed by a mega-party at my house! this would also be the ideal time to drop off your fruit baskets. ((BE THERE!))

also, there is this:

korean baby singing hey jude

i'm sitting at jupiter house in my summer clothes and winter scarf. it's one of my favorite combinations.

my afternoon has been nothing short of pleasant. i am officially unwanted by the city of denton, denton county, and the state of texas. a relief.

best friend and mAx are teaching me how to play dominos tonight so i can join their dominos tournament. i'm beyond excited. anyone else want in?

so far a total of seven strangers have sat next to me and didn't want to talk. still pleasant. however, there is this other guy with scraggely hair that comes in a lot and wears faded black levis and non-hooded sweatshirts ((which are just awkward)) and sits by me or stands near me or just plain hovers around waiting for me to talk to him and one time i made the mistake of making eye contact and smiling and he talked at me for fifteen minutes about his failed marriage and how they have a landscaping business together even though they're divorced.

don't. care.

anyway, he is sitting near me now and i know he's waiting for me to look up from my book or laptop so that he can get some words in.

this wouldn't be a problem if i didn't have to pee so bad. i can't take my laptop with me, so i'll have to take my headphones off eventually... how problematic.

also, it's the top of the ninth and the twins are down by two against detroit, which is particularly frustrating because we had been up the whole game until they scored three runs at the bottom of the eighth. le sigh... RALLEY CAPS!

oh good, old cowboy man with the cane and fun hats showed up. he provides a save of the highest caliber... he just pulls the crazy old man card and pulls up a seat and starts talking about random old cowboy things. i'm not sure if he intends to save me from awkward situations or if it actually excites him and he thinks that i'm just having a "social-day". either way, it's appreciated.

top of the ninth, 5-6... BLAAAGH INTENSITY!!!

good, the weird guy in the faded black levis is reading a paper now rather than staring at my feet.

i think from now on i should just live-blog everything that i'm doing during twins games. that should be my blog. no stories unless it happened during the twins game. and i can only write it during the games... i'll work on that for next season. or maybe another book. ha! that would imply that i'm going to finish this book. oh, dread.

FUCK YOU, DETROIT!

special news break: tune in monday to see px drum with ray j on jay leno.

fuck. yes.

yesterday i drove forever away through farmland and cattle ranches to sherman, tx for og ct training.

waste. of. time.

i saw eight dead cats and a coyote. also, mckinney smells like rotten potatoes.

but they're going to pay me well and i got $.49/mile reimbursement ((which ended up being seventyish dollars. i can roll with that.

but i had to sit in a room with strangers ((eww)) that were overly excited about everything og. i was tired and less than thrilled.

speaking of tired, i think it's about time for a nap. yep.

pictures later because my camera is downstairs and my bed is here.

go px!

happy antisocial mengtar week! ((i don't want to talk about it))

i've been incredibly productive the past hourish at jupiter. i've gotten some mad shit done on the book and have been busy pretending that i don't see poetryboy sitting in the corner staring at me every five minutes. it's hard, but i know that if i say hi that he is just going to make me listen to how awesome he is and make me listen to his poetry that is really good but i just really don't want to hear more than four times a year.

also, this is the first time i've ever seen him without a hat and he should really not do that.

i'd take a picture, but then he would know that i knew he was there and we would have grounds for conversation. that can't happen.

my mocha shake with peanut butter is overly peanut buttery and i'm less than fanatical about it.

hx got kicked off his world of warcraft team. wow. just wow.

the weird guys on the couch next to me asked me a question and i have finally figured out how to less-than-rudely answer questions but show that you really don't want to talk... at all... probably ever...

1: find a point about half-way between where you were looking and their face, stare at it for 4 seconds ((again, count in mississippis. if you count in hippopatamuses, you might stutter even in your head and that would take too long and they might think you're retarded. contrary to popular belief, i am not retarded))

2: answer their question using only a slight nod or shake of the head. if it is not a yes or no question, shrug one shoulder. the one on their opposite side. verbal answers show confidence and they may ask follow-up questions. with this response, you show that you might be lying and probably didn't care to begin with.

3: stare into your half-way point for another 3 mississippis, and go back to what you were doing. a pause any longer than 3 mississippis ((3 hippopatamuses, for example)) may make them feel obligated to ask a follow-up question. 3 mississippis is just enough time for them to start thinking that you might want a follow-up question, but not enough time to think of a good one or speak it. by the time they come up with a good segue into conversation, you will be blogging furiously and they would not want to interrupt your amazing works.

sitting inside jupiter by myself, i'm always sure to sit obnoxiously close to my laptop for minimal over-the-shoulder-peers. i'm also sure to spread the rest of my belongings across the table to ensure that no one else will sit by me.

and tonight, being just like any other night, someone tries to sit by me. usually i look around nervously and pack up my shit and slide as close to the wall as possible before he notices that i haven't showered or finds it necessary to peer over my shoulder or compliment my scarf. but one thing was different tonight.

i said no.

to a stranger.

and instead of walking across the room, he sits right fucking behind me.

so while i sit here, formerly content with my crossword puzzle from the quick paper, i turn even more awkward and paranoid than previously thought possible. and with this paranoia comes sensory increases. i am more aware than ever of every whisper and shifting stool behind me. i can feel him. he's trying to look over my shoulder to ready my blog. gross. i don't even let homeboy do that. who the fuck does this guy think he is!?

i think something is wrong. i think they put super extra lactose in my shake. my stomach is cramping and i'm getting chills, though i've warmed since coming back indoors. i might have to become a legit non-dairy person soon.

in more positive news, the worse half of j and l has clued me in to a website of most amazingess. hulu.com has loads of streaming videos... including ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN!!!!!!!! fucking yes. i laughed, i cried, i sang along, it was a grand time i had all by myself. perfectly grand.

how much better/more pathetic can it get? female twenty-something home from work with particularly great hair rolling around in bed in her underwear crying at animated dogs in streaming video... sounds like a singles searching ad.

whatever, i'm going to go home and shit/puke out all my innards before my intestines implode. fucking dairy.

i came to jupiter house to get some work done on the book, as i've fallen two and a half chapters behind and still have to fix my whole mid-end of february before people read it and think i'm just some emo slut with bad hair.

speaking of hair, uhh... baller hair day. make it a holiday. but it'll be more legit than guinness trying to make st. pat's a national holiday. but i'll forget about it in a week and it'll celebrated with flag day or chinese new years. whatever.

the girl that made my coffee rarely works nights ((of course, i'm not usually here as early as 8p)), but remembers me by my purse. apparently she works at alter-ego ((vintage store, a genre i can only occasionally appreciate)). and they are apparently closing at the end of april, and though they will be getting new inventory for the next two weeks, everything is twenty percent off or more, making me appreciate the genre slightly more than usual.

she started crying, talking about her store closing. as if speaking to a stranger wasn't awkward enough.

also, where the fuck is dumas, tx?