defying physics, i find myself much less attractive the more i drink.

but tonight was of great irony.

i went to rubber gloves for art fusion night with a dude i met at andys last night. turns out he's waay more interesting after... wait... no... he's just uninteresting.

tonight's art medium was nude body painting. and who would be modeling but my bff!!!

she approached me while i was talking about something of minimal interest with lamedudefromandys and told me that she was one of the models for art fusion night and immediately added that she thought she was preggers5000. don't caere.

rx and tx are regulars at rubber gloves, and tx is one of the regular artists.

tx mostly painted anatomical inside-out-man-stylee. prior to hearing the preggers story, she drew a fetus on ariel's stomach. AWKWARD! i jetted shortly after. i'm sure she totally thinks i squealed, but that's someting only blog-gossip and homeboy-telling worthy.

whatevs.

jx showed up with my favorite italian and we will see batman via imax tomorrow because i was officially fucked out of 311 and snoop.

ya'll can fuck yourselves.

one day i will get a camera and show pictures of my amazing car and exceptionally cute hair.

until then...

so last night was pumpkin head's last night in texas. hit up hooligans ((where i still can't drink until i get my ID back... bitches)) and then to andy's to watch bballamike sing. he did a great job until some drunk non-friend decided to try singing with him. i'd have taken a great video of non-friend trying to sing and knowing he wasn't good so he turned the microphone away during all of the high barely in range screamy parts. also, he was bad.

i tried to find my pumpkin afterwards but he had left for ihop. i had every intention of joining him, but ran into the original ax and was swept away by the idea of another round of ((free)) drinks at boiler room.

the original ax said:

so are do you want to come over tonight?

mengtar said:

no, i have to go home.

the original ax said:

come on, you know you want this...

mengtar said:

well... my crotch is still exploding. ((lie))

the original ax said:

i have a shower.

mengtar said:

ew. ((not a lie))

meanwhile, homeboy is standing three feet away. it's always pretty awkward being propositioned for sex when i'm out with him.

i had to give him a ride home because he was too drunklor, where he continued to try touching me and taking out his weewee for me to touch. i managed to decline.

we also ran into my bff, but she un-facebook friended me, so i didn't feel the need to say hi or try to out-fake-nice her.

it's art-fusion night at rubber gloves again. i'm supposed to be joining rx and tx, but just realized this afternoon that i won't be able to get in without my id. fuck this shit.

it's time for rum.

mengtar is feeling particularly crazy lately... look out...

red made my jupiter house mocha shake with peanut butter especially thick today. loving it.

bballa mike was hit by a car on his new motorcycle. no bueno. he's okay. fucked some ribs and the bike... but okay.

hearing the news made my heart sink as i am the mistress of what-if syndrome. i've come to accept my losses as of late, but anything more would put me over the edge and would officially be filed under "things mengtar is incapable of dealing with right now and could cause her to emotionally detach herself from human relationships even more than she already has." that file folder is quite large and has an extremely long tab...

you say that bff hates me because you're not sleeping with anyone else. i think you hate it more than she does.

there is a training class at the og with yet ANOTHER mengtar. this will be the third mengtar at the og. seriously unnecessary. seriously.

however, i had some fun at work today. first, i danced. a lot. poorly ((as i am incapable of dancing otherwise))

also, i had a trainee shadowing me. and he is a transfer from one of our partner restaurants. as he already had a feel for the system, i was able to sit back and bark orders and make wonderfully dry and overly sarcastic remarks the whole time. when he laughed i told him to shut his mouth while talking to me.

i was phased from my shift shortly after og trainer ex told me that we were done with the shadowing. i joked that she should have held out an extra ten minutes so i could have made him clean my section. she didn't think that was a horrible idea, so i had 3 rookies clean my section while i continued sitting back and barking orders and making wonderfully dry and overly sarcastic remarks the whole time.

i had them clean trivial things that we are supposed to do, but never actually get done like wiping down the chairs and checking for gum and things on the underside of the tables and wiping the railings and window sills for dust. oh fun!

while ex and i sat back and watched them do my job, i asked if i could just fuck with them a little bit. ex is getting old in her age and cares less than she should. when they returned from doing my job, i told them to grab a wet rag ((which they replied with "what's a raayyig?" fuck you non-minnesotans)) and wipe down the stone wall behind the family table... fun.

ex and i sat immediately behind them giggling. i love myself.

more on everything as of late later. smokes then homeboys.

done and done.

i caught the barbacks show last night at the boiler room. some decent country with a great live performance. fun to watch... and the violinist is HOT! i'm not gonna lie, i was just watching her the whole time. whatever. you'd be too.

before they went on, we ran into my bff. maybe luckily, she left shortly after and i didn't have to listen to her feed me compliments because i look so nice and i have nice soft hips and a great rack. and then she got into detailed questioning about my eating habits and whether or not i've become more physically active and i got into my one word answers. no. perhaps. no. all whilst debating on whether i should tell her i went through weight-loss hypnosis or had an abortion or something drastic. that is all. can i drink now?

maybe that's how it should always be. lie, then drink. i like this game.

but then i had to work all day and am working all day tomorrow and THEN!!!!

jxnumbereightyseven's farewell party at my house! you don't have to know him. just come to my party tomorrow night. shalt be grande!

then i work all day sunday and THEN!!!!

I get to go to chicago!!!!

so basically i won't be spending any money this weekend. no more drinking or coffeeing ((sad panda, i want some jupiter hardcore)) until i see how much i spend in chicago then come home and pay all my bills. maybe that'll also help with my feeling-slightly-sickly as of late. just coughs and sniffles... but no fun.

one day i will take pictures... maybe.

caught the crashsight cd release show on friday. it turned out pretty baller. it was pretty cool seeing d'amato and a couple of the old work people... and creepy hx that wanted to get me in a threeway with his gay roommate... if you recall, bx said he has two mommies.

photos will be shared post photo-shopping because i couldn't remember how to change my camera settings for shitty show-lighting. balls.

also, i saw this girl that was decently unattractive wearing an ugly tent-dress get her crotch grabbed by an even more unattractive dude. i threw up a little in my mouth. save it for your cheeto-stained living room sofa, please.

the minute homeboy left my side, some dock-worker fresh from the fish market asked if he was my boyfriend. my eyes grew to ultra-panic-size and i said yes and turned away quickly... whew... one more conversation i will never have to have.

i made a peach smoothie for breakfast because i'm out of raspberries and i don't think strawberries and peaches would mesh well and i didn't want to open a new container of raspberry yogurt.

i really like shitty music today.

i went to the wing pit xmas party last night. ate some kickin chinese in lewisville. then went bowling. i turkeyed the first game and didn't even break 100 in the second. balls to that.

there was a girl at the bowling alley wearing the same tent dress as the girl whose crotch was diddled at the curtain club, but she was under 200 lbs. and asian, and i've already accepted that asians can wear whatever the fuck they want and it will be okay...

also, when picking out my clothes, i like to pretend that i'm asian.

my bff left me some crazy-kid voicemail last night. wow. and the little miss desperate award goes to...

all work and no play makes mengtar a dull girl...

okay... so i do get to play every now and then.

last night was angry and i'm still not ready to discuss it until i get the rest of the information... or get laid. in which case i will become gossip queen of the sewing circle... er... blog... whatever.

hickory street hellraisers were at boiler room tonight. kicked some ass. didn't drink enough because my stomach was still full of tunafish sandwiches.

and now for tonight's episode of awkward moments with mengtar:

homeboy's ex that makes me feel incredibly... unostentatious... now works at the bar i frequent, and her immediate friendliness continues to throw me off. apparently we need to hang out and i tried so hard to give her the wrong number but it just didn't work. fuck balls.

mengtar is awkward and doesn't like strangers.

but she bought me a shot, so we're bff, right?

then this other dude ((cuter than balls)) comes up and is all "i saw your zelda pin, that's badass." and i agreed and continued rocking. he continues with a "you like zelda?" and a "where did you get it?" to which i replied "from this dude" ((mx)) who got it from hot topic from that dude" ((jared or jarrod or jaryd or tijahd... whatever... jxnumber5)) and then he realized that i was too bballa to be talking to him and i turned away to ignore him ((in my ever-so-awkward fashion)) and he tried a few more sentences and i pretended i wasn't listening but not on purpose and he left. ((close call))

and then i listened to that song where the hot girls make out in the video but they're not lesbians but it's just as hot.

also, jxnumber5 had a shirt that said "fuck you you fuckin' fuck" and that's what my mom said to the guy at the bar in chicago that she got kicked out of the bar with my sister. but my sister didn't get kicked out. just the dude. the fuckin fuck. i miss my mom and my sister and my sister.

gnight ballers and civilians.

something you may not have known... mengtars don't respond well to your ex's name. especially after a night of you being uncharacteristically ultra-possessive.

no matter how much you've drank.

no matter how much she's drank

no matter how much she likes the sex.

la mengtar no le gusta.

((livid))

and now i'm over it.

woke up with a weird groggy stuttering mess in my head. that's what happens when you chase your tylenol pm with beer.

nothing beats running when it's 40 degrees outside. maybe i should come home around the snowflake shuffle again... they did have the best shirts...



i was crazy-mad when i got back from my run, because cx had already left. there was no one home to approve my thanksgiving outfit. pants vs. skirt. quite the predicament.

mx got a package from camel yesterday. a zippo and a shit-ton ((okay, like five)) of coupons. he left the coupons for me. NOT HELPING!!!! but i will keep them just in case...

then i remembered how weird and awkward i will probably be, because i will be sober and i'm really never very sure what to say to peoples' parents. so i decided to have a couple beers before leaving the house. also, not helping the fact that i really want to be smoking right now.

also, his ex that i feel excessively weird about works at tjs/the boiler room. i'm not sure how i'm going to feel about hanging out there like ever...



"hi, i'm tom peters, and i'm full of ideas!"

((hate you))

wow. just wow.

i have no clever introduction, so here are last night's events of wonder...

i didn't wear black socks to work and nobody cared.

kyle left me a 3.5 minute voicemail where he debates with himself whether or not i should let the dogs outside and how i would go about doing it.

randall left a voicemail and called me sweetheart and i was angry.

travis left a voicemail saying we should hang out. ((also, yesterday he bought me the boxed series of TMNT. fuck. yes.)) i brought a 6-pack of shiner to j&l's because i kind of wanted to drink A beer. someone else showed up and i was originally all "how nice" and then 20 seconds later she introduced herself and it was totally travis' ex that he complains about too often to make me feel comfortable being around.

5 beers and a smoke break later we drove ever-so-safely to jupiter where we saw mike and randall. ((mike... seriously dude... warn me when you bring him into public.)) but i would like to think that everyone else noticed that i didn't make eye contact the entire time i was there... i'm over it... but seriously.

i think travis is currently masturbating to the amazingly awkward situation he put everyone through last night. get used to it, fucker.

many happenings of special interest last evening.



went to both karma AND jupiter with kyle last night. good times and interesting conversations to behold. ((fo sho)) i hadn't seen him in probably a week. that shouldn't happen again. karma was pretentious as usual, and jupe was usual as usual. no peanut butter AGAIN! next time i will bring my own. i will be a hero among men. ((get over yourself)) JR showed up and was all "where's travis? have you seen him? is he coming?" megan = not his fucking personal assistant! then she decides that we are TOTALLY bff and i need to know about what drugs she's on and that she just had sex with some guy who "lasted one second, but totally could have gone again if i wanted" so it was sooo amazing! or something??? i don't know. then she started talking about how she's glowing and shit. bitch stop talking! we don't care! kyle and i are far too mellow to even pretend to be interested in your feaux-manic-depressive stories. done and done.



went to J and L's for some movies. saw the second half of the new fantastic four. less than fantastic. not gonna lie. and then travis wonders why i'm falling asleep when they put in the office dvd later. bitch, because i'm still trying to get over the utter shock of your interest in the previous horrible atrocity that is the fantastic four. also, the couch is ridiculous-cozy. next time i will bring a cold steel folding chair.


mike, what are you looking at??

mike called mid-fauxtastic four to invite us to the holiday inn ((his place of employment)) for a jacuzzi/pool gathering. i turned him down because i had just gotten to J and L's and that didn't want to leave them AND take travis with me. holy rudeness!

but then travis ended up sleeping at his ex's or some shit even though i had totally already purchased his friendship for the evening with homemade chocolate chip banana bread. holy double rudeness after i had already withheld my rudeness and that's asking a lot. i'm over it.



so i called up mike to see if he was still jacuzziing at 1.30am. and alas, he was! of course. think about who we're talking about here, yo. so i ran home. searched for my bathing suit ((no luck, but i did find three live cricket escapees in my laundry basket)) grabbed a sports bra and my snowman panties and went to the holiday inn!

i totally shaved to get some, but at least i wasn't fuzzy for jacuzzi night??

((this photo has been removed by request of also photoed person))

also, not only does my hair turn totally manish when it's wet or styled even
moderately improperly, but i totally look pregnant in this picture. sad panda.



apparently the hot tub sucked, so they were using the bathtub jacuzzi. fine by me! it was a great night of cartoons, bubble-bath-jacuzzis, pillow fights, and fresh 5am doughnuts. fucking right. also, adult swim TOTALLY showed my favorite two episodes of tom goes to the mayor and tim and eric awesome show great job. featuring the following lines of awesome:

really? i'll call you back. that's weird. his niece was murdered.

our legs are long. yes, our legs are long. and they're very very long. yes, they're very very long.

to the le baron!

ricky ticky tick tock tick tock.

that's a-ma-zing!

oh, crickets...


the caption of this photo should be "who do i trust? myself!" also, i should have a massive pile of cocaine on my desk that i can stick my face into whenever i want, also, i am al pacino...

there was also an awesomely silly show called Lucy, daughter of satan or something?? i don't know. awesomely silly. awesomely silly. yes.