i never looked at that pic very close, i dig it... also does it still define narcissism for you?
--this punk



dear homeboy,
the post was supposed to be sarcastic-dry, not nearly as abrasive as everyone, including you, seemed to take it. the photo only defines narcissism because i like it so much... and because it's the desktop for my laptop... whatever.
love, mengtar

You hold coffee cups with your tits, how can that not be attractive.

dear anonymous,
for the record, it was a dr. pepper for tx.
love, mengtar

mengtar,

this is bx again

you stood me up on the email... what gives? we poopin or what? i have to poop now, and i wish you could watch me.

anywho, with that picture, you have effectively doubled the number of your boobs that i have seen

holla atcha boi some time ok?

your pooping buddy

superdearest bx,
congrats on the boobie doublage. i'm sorry i didn't email you. i actually JUST pooped and for the first time... almost ever... it was a rough one to get out. and like a triple wiper. ew.
love and poop, mengtar

whew, now that that's out of the way... HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEST FRIEND!!!

NACHO SIAM HOUSE!!! ((not funny))

so i met up with homeboy for lunch at siam house. i was greeted by this awesome dude that looked like stephen king minus twenty years ((still older)). he rode the line of being weirdo-central and cooler than balls. he greeted me and cleaned off a booth. post-booth-cleaning he asked "how's this booth?". i thanked him and sat down. then he informed me that it was the perfect booth for a perfect lady. ((hun, i already sat down, you don't have to keep persuading me. i'm already convinced. the motion was appreciated though)) it was pretty fucking good and well priced for my wallet.

after waking up before 9a, i couldn't get back to sleep, so i decided to paint my dollar ivy pot from target. i put on a thousand layers of yellow paint. even though it was 10a, it still didn't feel right painting without a bit to drink. whatever.







damn, looking at pictures, now i KNOW i need a haircut... but i can't really go back to her... how awkward would THAT be?!?

i was feeling a little period crazy and unpredictable this morning so i cancelled on hosting best friend's pirate-ninja birthday party tonight. i didn't want to get too drunk and cause any over-the-phone or in-person confrontations. i felt slightly confrontational this morning.

but once i entered the kitchen, i was greeted by more cuteness in my window.





luckily, best friend quickly replanned a barbecue at mx's place. i was in full attendance after learning there would also be veiwing of LOST! ((fuck yess))







HOWEVER

when i called for directions, mx sliced her hand open while on the phone with me. ((FUCK)) and best friend had to drive her to the emergency room. instead, i drove to jupiter to read for a couple hours to read while mx the trooper got stitched up.

mx has critters.




i finally finished slaughterhouse five. triple hearts for full zelda life... ((loved it)) i started reading player piano ((MORE vonnegutt)) but couldn't focus over all the worker-strikes going on across the street at the courthouse. whatever.

hmmm... other things i did today... per homeboy's recommendation, i went to hobby lobby to check out some picture frames. i got lost... for about ten minutes... i couldn't find the checkout. most. embarrassing. thing.... ever. i swear i had been following the perimeter ((although, i must admit, i got distracted by a few clearance signs along the way...)) but couldn't seem to find it. whatever.

dear bx,

i will email you tomorrow to finalize plans to watch eachother poop. oh how i long to watch you poop.

love and poop,
mengtar

in other news:

game two of the twins-rangers series was a HUGE success! twins took it 12-6 with many exciting plays AND what happened to be the best firework show i have ever seen. good call, rangers!






in attendance were best friend, his girlfriend mx, rx, and his girlfriend tx. if mAx was there, we would have had all of the last-cup all-stars. oh well.

we all crammed into best friend's car and giggled the entire way to arlington about cocks and balls and boobies especially. also, i have a cup holder in my shirt. how convenient.



i have a larger planum temporale than the average person. you heard it here first. ((unless you're sx, because then you heard it in neuro first.))




we couldn't find general parking so best friend pulled up to the season-ticket holders lot and it went like this:

best friend said:

hey, can we park here?

guy on passenger side said:

sure.

guy on drivers side said:

do you have your card?

best friend said:

no, but that guy said we could park here.

guy on drivers side said:

oh, okay.

and THAT, readers, is how you scam the rangers out of their bullshit $12 parking fees.



we chugged beers and weiners in the parking lot SUPER close to the stadium. also, we're VIP bballas.






we forgot that putting a grill full of hot charcoal in the car was a bad idea, so we just left it under the car and crossed our fingers that no one would steal it. apparently rx was not very attached to his grill. i was okay with that.






LUCKILY, we returned to the car with the grill just where we left it. we dumped the coals onto the parking lot and when little kids walked by, we would yell "don't step in the horse poop" and the kids would cover their noses. ew, poop.

in case you were wondering what the cutest baby in the world would wear to a baseball game, it would be this:




yesterday was my legit birthday. i'm officially 23. gross. and let me tell you... i woke up with a bad attitude. i'm calculating that i am tminus4days until crotch explosion central so i was slightly touchy and angry and homesick and sexually frustrated and homeboy was slightly too dry and stubborn and himself and i did not attend the baseball game. instead i watched it at hooligans over a couple cheap whiskey cokes with free parking.... en espanol. apparently they don't broadcast rangers games on my27 in english. whatever.




i went running pre-bar and learned that practicing my jumps in the second half of my run is a bad idea... landing is difficult... and falling on your face in front of the lady checking her mail is not something i can do with confidence. who'd have thought?

rx can do some maaaad cartwheels.

"HAY-YA! What happened to your conversation? I read it this morning and was working up a good insult, I came back and it was gone! It was quality laughing material at youre "Akward5000" HaHa"
-anonymous

wow, you kids are fast. posting that was the last thing i did before going to bed, and taking it down was the second thing i did this morning.

i figured that after the events of this morning, that it would be something best talked about it first, and posted later. don't worry, you can put up your insults later.

also, i ate an orange and a full head of lettuce. now i feel like death. it looks like this...



((but it was soo good))

i got a haircut and the lady liked lost. i was down with that.

i went to subway and saw pete and his girlfriend. i was down with that.

i got yelled at for making a mess in mike's clean kitchen. mike was not down with that. i was down with that.

if you leave comments without logging in... it makes sense to leave your name so i can comment back. or at least thank you for commenting. comments make me happy. i guess i'm down with that.

now that there is not a marimba in my house, i really want to play one. i miss john more than i miss the marimba. but i still miss the marimba.

cathy has pictures of bunnies with feet in their bums.

brent's dog gave me fleas and there is something wrong with her nanner.

i have to make porkchops for mike's date. he better give me one. or i will sit down next to them eating my bowtie pesto and tell them how good it is and then tell her all the gross and dumb things mike does and how he will take her on dates to tractor supply and such.

i'm using hx's laptop. i bet there's dried cum all over it. i should wash my hands immediately after this.

oh no.

so shit. i typed that at 6.23 pm. mike asked me to have the porkchops done at 6.45. they were still in the refrigerator. he will be home any minute.

i threw them in the oven and ran upstairs and almost started to relax when i remembered that he also asked me to pick up the beer bottles and cigarette butts from the front yard. ran around hectically cleaning that, and now i think we will be okay. i still have not washed my hands.

i'm over it.