tony romo and i play at the same indoor soccer facility. huh...



cleaning outfit.



extravagant dinner outfit. the difference is in the booty.



why, hello. you must be friends!



an incomplete list of reasons i suck this semester:



quarters at the nx/k-hox residence



justice league



peanut butter jelly time



bad influences

these gems were found in the rubble of forgotten photos in the brokencameramemorycard.




justice league



friends don't let friends fail ua's.



i'm noticeably over five pounds skinnier in these pictures... fucking shiner and momx's xmas recipe box.




pictured left: drunklor mengtar
pictured right: restraining order in ugly wallpaper shirt


salude, sir!

i fucking hate people.

a fucking 3am fake suicide phone call? seriously??!!

also, you are officially added to the list of people i hate.

jason stephens called me at 3am with a million apologies and some attention-craving lie about taking a couple dozen sleeping pills along with a half bottle of gin.

insta-panic.

i'm not nearly stable enough to lose another friend.

i call every mutual friend i know. and even encourage them to call crazy mary.

meet up with hx at applebees where i watch him talk to jason stephens whom is being a fucking dick and then go to ix's apartment even though he hadn't been answering his phone for hours, but he happened to awake at 4am and answered the door in about 20 seconds as i cried outside and gave me a hug while explaining that i had just been faux-suicide played by his own friend.

but he was still able to yell at me an hour and a half after his initial phone call where he pretended to be fading out.

you won't give out your plano address and i cannot help you avoid your artificial suicide attempt.

and then your bitch girlfriend, crazy mary, calls about that one text message i sent her six months ago about sucking his dick... zero concern for his life.

i'm done with all of you fucking assholes.

a summary of antics: drunk and sober.

highlight of xmas was a series of 29 text messages from dadx reading the night before christmas... line. by. line. ((love))

it ended with drunken drama and the end of an era. but with no hard feelings, i have mild confidence that a friendship is plausible... but i do love lying to myself. we will see.



the next day at work, i was so angry and anxious that i told all of my shitty tables that the dog dies at the end of marley and me. i cried a little and edx drew me this...



i like my hair... and the spanish exclamation points...

i was able to successfully cower in school-girl awkwardness when the guy i've had a crush on for two years smiled and waved at me last night. i ran to mAx with a "what do i do?? do i talk to him? what would i say? i'm so nervous. i need to sit down. maybe i should have said hi. or smiled back. or acknowledged that i remember him at all. no, cowering was definitely my best move... stop judging me." it was decided that after my drink i would order a shot, order another drink, order two shots ((one for him)) and that would be my entrance... he left before i finished my drink.

social contact epic failure number 2348974587343483.

i got my first xmas present today! my aunt had actually sent it to my old apartment... i thought it was game over, but the tenants of university courtyards apartment 9304 gave it to the office to sit for a week before being returntosendered. i left them a thankyounote. yesidid.



and sketch gear! i'll post all of my shitty sketches. i think i'll do a series of nekkid girls.

even though i was working up a good eating disorder... I ATE SUSHI... yes, first time. i usually chicken out... the homeses and i rolled to royal east for some bibim bop and our server was also the singer for 800lbs. i think my other friend drums for her... but i couldn't remember.

art6 is out of the question.

mAx suprised me with some VIP passes to the clubhouse ((strip club, i guess)).

can. not. wait.

after import glass night at lou's, of course.

soccer shoes can wait until manana.

nursing my alcoholism... er... baseball anxiety with a betwixt class beer... or two...

whatever.

6.30p can't come soon enough.

i'm fuming with pride in how my incredible structural functionalist paper turned out. and i printed it at kinko's on super-quality paper. ego-feeder5000.

also, i washed my car.

also, it's fucking beautiful outside, and my allergies are fucking my world. balls to that, sir.

also, somewhere on campus ((outside the library, i believe)) kindablack-kx is having a poetry slam... battle... thing... join mAx and homeboy and i and maybe piercer too... no... i'll not invite him... i'm playing THAT card...

because i totally thought kindablack-kx told me that it was 11am... turns out it's pm... or so mAx and i believe... i don't really know...

did i mention i'm retarded?

also, i feel like, and am pretty sure i've lost about all of my muscle mass and gained a million fatty-pounds and am half-dreading starting soccer next friday, but am five-fold excited about it... so that still puts me 4.5 up...



also, thank you for joining me at hooligan's, my daytime drinking bar... and sometimes at night too.

happy 700. i'm over it.

my identity has officially been stolen... again.

can't i just belong to myself for a fucking minute?

whatever. i'm just going to sit here in my clothesplosion of a bedroom and list off things i hate in order to improve the quality of procrastination for writing my gilgamesh essay. balls.

stealers
liars
eric novotney
people that bring their crotch spawn to restaurants
white people with dread locks
nick cannon
shrimp

so there's a girl at work that mAx and i are not fond of. she ordered a shrimp alfredo and told mAx he could have some. he rushed me to the table so we could eat all of the shrimp ((and only the shrimp)) out of the dish before she returned.

i threw it up. i knew i didn't like shrimp, but i think i'm allergic.

way gross.

UGH!!! playtex gentleglides are the worst most horriblest tampons in production! target had them on sale a few months ago. they were super-discounted and if you bought two of the million-tampon boxes you also received a $5 gift card. how can you pass that up?!?!

next time, pass it up.

i think they're lined with teflon.

am i old enough for a hysterectomy just because i feel like it yet?



onto great things...

yesterday was homeboy'ssisterx's birthday and it somehow became an amazing idea to bring her ((schwasted)) to my house to crash and play rockband and whathaveyou.



she told me i had a great ass once for every time she fell down my stairs.

it was plenty entertaining.



mAx was watching bizarre foods on the travel channel and took special note when they brought up foods from minnesota!

mAx said:

you guys eat some fucked up shit!

mengtar said:

we do?

mAx said:

yeah. you put everything ON A STICK! spaghetti and meatballs on a stick, tatertot something on a stick...

mengtar said:

ooo, tatertot hotdish on a stick? yeah, i'm hoping to get some when i go to the state fair while i'm home...

mAx said:

see!!! and what the fuck is a meat raffle?!?



special note: texans don't have meat raffles. i'll educate you later.



also, i totally look like a boy from behind... i can't wait for haircut day.

dan's silver leaf: host of denton's drunkest old man ever!




polls by mengtar, voted best body art.



turns out my boys came through and hooked me up with ticket for 311 and snoop.

fucking. badass.

from the top:

met up with mAx and his girl and their friends.

pregamed.

drove to dallas and stopped at a liquor store with a decently scary bathroom.




note that the toilet paper is several feet from the toilet... less than ideal.



and someone tagged the trashcan... i hope that's not habitual.




stopped at william's chicken ((in the hood)) and was harrassed by a man we weren't sure was a customer or manager. he would switch between greeting customers and yelling at the kitchen. "WUZZA HOULP?!?" ((which we deciphered as "what is the hold up?")) "WUZZA HOULP??!? ay, houya doon? WUZZA HOULP?!? LINE ONE! DINNAS OUT!" he asked another group of all-male concert-goers if they had any white women with them. i felt awkward being the only white girl.



pregamed more in the parking lot.



common sense was walking around the lot looking for a ticket.

a band called full service has been following the tour and playing in the lot. they had a bit of a so-cal feel. v. hip. the drummer had cut an octopus into the front head on his kickbass. its tentacles wiggled when he played.

they're bassist was waay too metal for their rhcp vibe and you could tell he was just wanting to shred and bang and jump. later he did. i was excited. also, he looked like pickles.





i wasn't allowed to bring my camera, but i could have shown you photos of snoops balls we were so close! he was hands down the best rapper i've seen live.

shortly in we passed some js.

snoop's uncle junebug is probably 70 years old and dances like a little rascal.



BUT didn't compare to 311. chad sexton had THREE zildjian spiral trashes! ((RIDICULOUS)) AND a set of marching quads mounted. ((over the top by definition)) and of course we didn't leave without seeing peanut beat that thing.

shortly into 311 randomstrangertomyleftx asked for my lighter and passed to me waay too many times. the perfect enhancement to an incredible show.

both bands have been around forever and played plenty mix of their whole discology. fucking amazing.



i hope i don't have a black eye in the morning... STYLEE!

with best friend in jail and rx leaving the og, it's becoming more difficult to work there.




((yep, all clear))




are those birthday titties i see?? why, yes! as a matter of fact they are!



if anyone knows of a kickin position opening somewhere, let me know.





openings in LA and chitown will also be considered.

i worked from 11.30 until around 2 when the official call was made to close the restaurant. seriously? i mean, i agreed that it was necessary, but it still trips me out that they close the city down when it snows.

texas doesn't have snowplows and i would vote against that.

every table ordered soup and salad. i made ten dollars.

how many of my bills can i pay with ten dollars? none.

LOST is on!

after discussing this weeks episode with mAx, i will give everyone my complete analyzation that you never wanted to hear.

but for now, i get to tredge the ice and snow and drive to lake dallas to play guitar hero. worth it? sure.

so i had to wake up this morning at 7am and stay up because i felt like making smoothies for three hours before work by myself but i stayed laying in bed and then i was going to write a blog post about how i am in a movie about sunrises because i am awake before daybreak and blah blah blah then i couldn't get the word sunrise out of my fucking head and almost mania-ed myself fully awake and then a dog showed up for the bedroom sniffing olympics where she tries to look for all of my socks and panties and anything easily take-able and won't stop breathing loudly until i force myself to fall back asleep.

then mAx called at 11 to ask for a ride to work at 11.45. i was still in bed. so was he. it was not meant to be a good day for either of us.

then i decided that i'm not eating anything ever again ever because i'm feeling like i'm going to be sick really soon and i think barfing is the grossest thing ever. even more gross than being punched in the face tons of times and bleeding all over the place.



speaking of getting punched in the face tons of times and bleeding all over the place, last night was the boxing match! it was at the HISTORICAL COWTOWN COLISEUM! ((say that without laughing. i fucking dare you.))

the HISTORY COWTOWN COLISEUM is in forth worth, which i was unaware of until now, but taking 35W-S into ft. worth puts you through a time machine while you're not looking and you step back into a fucking john wayne movie and there are brick and cobblestone roads and salloons and every building looks like the fucking alamo or something. i was excited and skipping and wearing my sweater shoes. it was a little too much.

but having never attended a boxing match, i went in with very low expectations. i only wanted to see blood and a KO. after battling swords, homeboy and i watched six matches. match one, round one: BLOOD! match 6, round one: KO!

fucking great.

also, this joke was much funnier post-battle, but homeboy is going to major in sports medicine and become a ring-side physician. i'll visit him at work, i guess.

this makes me want to start integrating jogging pants into my regular wardrobe.



anyway, you will see boxing photos later because i'm feeling too almost-sick and antisocial this evening so i will probably hand-write my book while listening to more of the i'm not there soundtrack ((FUCKING AMAZING!)) and maybe decide how much exactly i hate you.

i was dominated at last cup today. what a disappointment.

i NEED the i'm not there soundtrack... starting... NOW.

i MAY have found my two new roommates! mAx and his friend cx. i just need to get kx's approval and we will be g to g.

tonight: captain gallagher at the boiler room. 11pmish.

done and done.

ran into walker at the bar. it was cool. apparently we're hanging out friday or saturday. which means mengtar will get laid this week. hopefully by the other guy. that would be better.

not that walker was bad. he was great, actually.

but the other dude is super cool. and i like hanging out with him. walker and i don't hang out. we just fuck. which is fine. it isn't awkward... unless we're at a bar with my friends and they all know that we both fuck and that's about it... like tonight...

then kyle and mike went home so mike could maybe get laid and michael ann and i went to lous to meet up with this other kyle kid that she knows. he was cool. he asked me what my heritage was because apparently i have a weird face. whatever. irish/polish mother fuckers.

alcoholics at birth, we are.

but hanging out with the other dude is more fun. maybe it's the thrill of the chase? no. because i'm getting sick of working for it and i would rather just fuck him and keep hanging out.

whatever.

bed.

the american league will have home field advantage at this years world series for the 10th consecutive year.

fucking right.

watched the game hella stoned at this dude's house that i work with. turns out he's fucking crazy. other dude i work with was telling me stories about how he's a crazy closet bisexual or something. i think he was trying to have a threeway with me and his obviously gay roommate. also, it was obvious that his roommate was the bitch of the relationship. i laughed.

then i got drunk at side bar. i got ditched for lou's when i hadn't finished my drink yet. drama was going down. i chilled on the street chatting it up with some cop. that was alright. his nametag said B. Davis. turns out his first name is ben.

hahaha. ben davis. whatever. it was cool.

then i ran into him with michael ann at the 7-eleven. we joked a bit. i think he was following me later and flashed his brights but didn't want to pull me over because he saw the minnesota plates and we had been talking about minnesota and i had my minnesota twinkies shirt on. it was cool.