day two of sobriety:

ew.

looking at her own reflection she acknowledges no cracks. slightly distorted, she can still see through the haze to the strength and stability only interrupted by poor judgement.

she scoffs at your statement and turns only to notice pieces of everything chipping away.

((i should have stopped sooner))

after the events of this week and the atrocity of last night...

it is now sober time.

((sorry))

i came home between classes today in leiu of the bar or jupiter.

i've been drinking waay too much lately and don't remember the last time i drove myself home. i think sober week is quickly approaching, but it will have to wait until after i drink with chutley, who is home from the marine corps until the 13th. stay tuned.

i'm still feeling this morning's coffee.

but it worked for the best, because i get to watch my dog eat bugs off the floor AND i rediscovered my bag of asian medley steamer vegetables and they are AMAZING.

i think this month's diet fad will be coffee, fruits, vegetables, and hotdogs.

i love it when my diets fail, because they usually end at the junction of emotional instability and cx's enchiladas.

her enchiladas are epic.

also, i can't wait for my sociology class so i can get my rock-star paper back from last week AND place my bets with the pretentious jokester that sits in front of me on how many times our teacher will use the word "irregardless" during class.

this week i vote 6.

the fire hydrant ((new coffee shop)) is awkwardly quiet. i felt like i had to whisper my order to the guy behind the counter.

he replied loudly.

i started receiving my fortune magazine subscription today, but i'm not allowed to read it until i finish my paper.

upon submission of my essay, my net worth is going to increase twenty per cent.

one of homeboy's friends that doesn't like me complimented my shirt and was more fake-nice than usual. i almost bought into it.

the silly mistakes i make while sober...

((le sigh))

and then there was one...

i was just denied service at andys, one of the last two bars that i could still drink in without an id.

boiler room, don't fail me now!

also, fuck the minnesota dmv.

and fuck omar reyes.

i spent last night finishing off my whiskey and bx's cream soda and then anger-ignoring homeboy until it was time for bed. i think it was because i was out of cigarettes and he refused to go buy me some. last night should have been sober night too.

urizen played at the boiler room tonight at 10, but i woke up at 11 and didn't remember they were playing until 11.30. also, i didn't go to the urizen show. i probably could have even enjoyed it sober.

instead, cx and i watched america's psychic challenge on lifetme... where psychics compete to see who is the best psychic... on lifetime. my favorite part is immediately before commercial breaks, they ask you questions like "which of these six cards is the jack of diamond?" or "which of these three cell phones are about to ring? if you guess right, you could have psychic abilities!"

fucking great... now i have to put up with a third of the people who watch lifetime at 3am walking around like they have psychic abilities...

also, i totally have psychic abilities.

but that doesn't mean that cx and i aren't looking to get a psychic reading done...

i think it's time for another sober week... starting tomorrow.

also, no smoking.

also, i think i'm done eating until i look like christian bale in the machinist.







wish me luck.

the token is not nipple shields... but even better... it's totally the zelda crest and totally badass. complete bballa. yes. not legible in this photo, but "3 weeks sober" is engraved.



i waited on twenty cute boys at the og. eight of the twenty also attended the between the buried and me show. hot. ((also, the show was pretty badass. less than quality venue, though. it smelled worse than a middle school dance at 9.30pm. but the music was great, so it was like one of the drumline dances where carl's brother djs...)) but they all ordered the never ending pasta bowl and water and a thousand refills on everything. forty dollar gratuity. forty dollars on top. fucking right.

motorcycles are better than girls because all they ask for is some monthly maintenance. and that only takes a couple hours, not a fucking week. your mind has just been blown by the wisdom of the letter bb. ((bb as in bballa.))



speaking of which, my period is done so i just wanted to spend my whole day off masturbating to some new cds. too bad i had things to take care of...

visors are basically the best. they keep your face shaded AND your head cool... while golfing... in your... polo shirt... and your name is tx...



last night i ran into dan at ur moms. according to him ((and contradicted by everyone else in the free world)) he had been telling jx to call me every other day. daniel chode-erson, fabricator extraordinaire, also gifted us with such triple platinum hits as "i got fired this morning, not last week" and "mario loves me and won't leave me alone" and "i did severance" and "i'm not an addict, i swear" and "i don't have a license because i got mugged at gunpoint" and "megan has a boyfriend and she is also an addict" and "no, i didn't know jx was cheating on you the whole time". soon to be released ((but might be more than half true)): "vic is in love with you and wants to make your children". stay tuned.

where is aubrey??



about 20 minutes that way.

so three fins has basically fallen through. i'm over it.

i'm basically confused and constantly insulted by all things male. i will continue to do nothing more than lower and shake my head in disappointment of everyone i know.

as of tomorrow, i will have gone a WEEK without drinking. i would like to be extatic over such an achievement, but i would really just rather be drinking. whatever.

homeboy needs to work on his djembe skills. hardcore.



i kicked travis' ass in bowling ((okay, so really, i won one of five games... and it was by A pin. whatever))

johnny carino's > olive garden. the end.

kelsey sat next to greg schultz's old dorm roommate at the Minnesota-Bowling Green football game yesterday and he totally knew where rice was. pretty baller.

i've been homesick pretty hardcore lately, especially since i've realized that i cannot afford to visit sarah in chi-town for her med-school induction white-coat ceremony thing. triple sad panda.

AND I DON'T HAVE A MATTRESS! fuck everyone.

speaking of people fucking. i become ridiculously angered every time i here of infidelity. this girl i work with is currently fucking this other dude we work with that has a girlfriend. i do not condone encourage or enable actions such as these. we will no longer hang out.



also, he has been home for almost three weeks and still won't talk to me. at LEAST give me my shit back!!!!! BALLS! you are of the guilty party. not i. so you can stop being so fucking pretentious and get over yourself.

it's been four days since i've been drunk.

i feel compulsively deviant either in spite of or because of my obnoxious level of sobriety. gross.



also, the fact that it's september and i still don't own a mattress depresses the FUCK out of me. not to mention the whole sleeping alone thing that i absolutely refuse to do unless left optionless. unfortunately, the people i hang out with are too much like myself in that they hang out with one person too much and then get soo fucking sick of them that they can't stand to look at them anymore. that's okay. i guess i'm like that with music sometimes too.

i've become ridiculously irritable and it's only day 4.

fuck. me.

broadcasting LIVE from palio's pizza kitchen!

travis and i just got out of WAR, new jet li movie. basically badass. one dude reminded me of one of the few cool kids i work with. the dude that gets shot, then shoots crawford's new partner, then takes a sword through the palm of his hand, then gets shot in the head. basically pretty cool. but the guy i work with isn't a japanese clansman. it's whatever.

not my fault, or is it?

day two of sobriety is okay. still feeling it out.

muwahahahaha. so pre-movie theater, we met up at jupiter house, a place i have been mildly avoiding for several reasons as of late. one was jollyrancher. crazy crazy crazy. a few weeks ago she gave me some nasty pot that i gave away to someone, i believe. i think she was trying to make friends or something. but anyway. while awaiting the arrival of the travesty, i enjoyed some time talking to quartz, or cuarts, or kwurtz. i don't know. apparently during this time, JR telephoned travis mid-nervous breakdown over some ended relationship or boy who wronged her. this is going somewhere, honestly...

that was a lie. it wasn't going anywhere.

get over it.

new jeans from old navy. still no polo shirt. have to re-set up my training with three fins.

::le sigh::

photos later, i guess as i am not home...

my name is mengtar, and i'm an alcoholic. i have officially temporarily quit drinking for the next two weeks. it had started to feel like my body was slowly shutting down and i was continuing to make more and more poor decisions and spending way too much money on smokes and alcohol. i will not be chain-smoking anymore, as i only do that when i drink. i will also not be smoking in my car. 1 down, 13 to go.

since i'm doing a whole health-thing i may start running also. not sure. we'll see.



so two days ago i did something that i would usually openly discuss with the people i chill with but for some reason feel extremely guilty. and sadly, the person that usually hears the dirt on everything is the last person i would want to find out.

::le sigh::



now that vaguey-mc-vague-vague is done talking... in other news.

john and laura are officially together. congratulations, i really don't care. a thousand people have called to tell me and that was my reaction to them ver batum. i still have yet to hear from him and at this point can't figure out if he's being a misinformed dick or a fucking chickenshit. based on everything i know about him, i will safely assume the latter.

at this point, i only care because it would be nice to talk to him and to get my shit back. he still has my fish bowl ((not for fish)), my DC hat, my volcom shirt ((which actually used to be pete carey's volcom shirt)), my taco john's shirt ((which actually used to be emily erickson's taco john's shirt)), and my black river falls basketball duffel bag ((which actually used to be some basketball player's duffel bag from black river falls, wisconsin))



also in the news, i have no money and the labor day mattress sales are this weekend. FUCK! maybe kyle will have a re-change of heart.

was supposed to start at three-fins but have yet to do so... FUCK AGAIN!

enough things have happened tonight to consider it eventful, but i am still bored out of my mind. probably because i'm too sober to really enjoy any of it.

i took a bath for the first time since i was maybe 12? then i remembered why i don't like taking baths. i don't find swimming in a tub of my own filth to be very "relaxing". at all. every time a hair or something would float near me i would get grossed out. not fun.

i got out of the tub around 8.30 and realized that i hadn't gone to petco to buy snowflake more food.

petco got more white's tree frogs in! it's about damn time. they haven't had any since i bought snowflake and wellington back in september. one was almost full-grown ((MASSIVE)) and the other two were snowflake's size. they have one on reserve for me until friday. probably only because i go there all the time.

the dude ((new guy)) came up with my bag of crickets and as he was tying it off he popped the bag. three dozen small crickets all over the place. i could only laugh. i lost control of all of my bodily functions ((sans bowels)) and fell to the ground laughing. it was basically the best. especially since i embarrassed the fuck out of him. sorry dude. clip your finger nails or learn to suck at tying bags less. i don't know what to tell you.

i can't find my Timequake book. and i don't want to start another one or finish another one. i was really in the mood to finish that tonight.

crazy-dude from last night ((as opposed to the crazy-dudes from every other night)) called me on my way home from petco to hang out again tonight. uhh... how about if i start letting less crazy into my life.

tonight i should hang out with married mike. but the only place we can really hang out is a bar or jupiter house. no bar because it is sober night. no jupiter house because i am avoiding daniel.

::sigh:: i guess this is homebody week.

yay home! i'm coming back to minnesota june 8-11. i'm looking to party somewhere on sunday night. preferably allison's?? i don't know. i will call her tomorrow. i would also need a ride to the airport and someone to take me to get pierced. ((woot!)) i miss everyone.

okay. yes. officially done drinking. megan and not drinking are 1-0.

i watched the prestige again tonight with patrick. holy shit!! david bowie was tesla!!! i've seen that movie quite a few times now and that's the first time i noticed.