i'm so ashamed. today i lied to dadx. right after he paid for this semesters tuition. ((thanks, dadx)) but when he asked me what i wanted to do when i grew up... i gave him the mundane. you know, the truth. the shitty job i'll have and hate for the majority of my pathetic little life...

when what i really want to do...

is be JACK BAUER!



i mean, today he found out that the antagonist-o-the-day is his old partner from CTU!

wait... there's more...



his old partner was actually shot and killed just prior to jack being kidnapped and held for 8 years in a chinese prison!



and now he has kidnapped a computer genius to hack into the government computer system ((apparently the right contraption built by ONE mega-computer-genuis in about twenty minutes can actually serve as a masterkey to the entire US government and all of its agencies))to crash planes and contaminate water supplies!



why, tony almeida? why??!!



also, has anyone else noticed how he's slowly turning more and more into macgyver? you know, without the anti-guns and violence? he made his own silencer to shoot out a security camera!



also, he totally near-point-blank snipered a court-guard in a time to kill. fucking klansmen. oh, kiefer, what CAN'T you do?!

a summary of antics: drunk and sober.

highlight of xmas was a series of 29 text messages from dadx reading the night before christmas... line. by. line. ((love))

it ended with drunken drama and the end of an era. but with no hard feelings, i have mild confidence that a friendship is plausible... but i do love lying to myself. we will see.



the next day at work, i was so angry and anxious that i told all of my shitty tables that the dog dies at the end of marley and me. i cried a little and edx drew me this...



i like my hair... and the spanish exclamation points...

i was able to successfully cower in school-girl awkwardness when the guy i've had a crush on for two years smiled and waved at me last night. i ran to mAx with a "what do i do?? do i talk to him? what would i say? i'm so nervous. i need to sit down. maybe i should have said hi. or smiled back. or acknowledged that i remember him at all. no, cowering was definitely my best move... stop judging me." it was decided that after my drink i would order a shot, order another drink, order two shots ((one for him)) and that would be my entrance... he left before i finished my drink.

social contact epic failure number 2348974587343483.

i got my first xmas present today! my aunt had actually sent it to my old apartment... i thought it was game over, but the tenants of university courtyards apartment 9304 gave it to the office to sit for a week before being returntosendered. i left them a thankyounote. yesidid.



and sketch gear! i'll post all of my shitty sketches. i think i'll do a series of nekkid girls.

even though i was working up a good eating disorder... I ATE SUSHI... yes, first time. i usually chicken out... the homeses and i rolled to royal east for some bibim bop and our server was also the singer for 800lbs. i think my other friend drums for her... but i couldn't remember.

an email sent to dadx, a well-to-do employee of NCR.

Whenever I make a purchase off Ticketmaster, they give me an offer to do a survey. It's pretty boring, consisting mostly of questions like "Was it easy to find what you were looking for?" "Why did you choose Ticketmaster?" and other questions that you bullshit through to see what the special offer is at the end...

The offer I have gotten the past four (yes, four) times is a one-year magazine subscription for $2. I don't care how crappy of a magazine it is, if I get mail that doesn't say "You owe us $X" I'm happy.

So I am now a subscriber to TIME, Sports Illustrated, Men's Fitness ((those boys are CUTE!)) and Fortune!

I think my personal net worth increased twenty per cent upon receiving my first issue.

So I started reading it tonight, and I found an article called "The Art of Selling." It talks about some of the greatest salespeople or selling techniques of all time.

The most entertaining quip of the article was this bit on John H. Patterson of NCR:

"John H. Patterson, National Cash Register's founder, had strange and stringent rules for his hires. He built fields on NCR's campus and required salespeople to do exercises. He dictated how much they could pay for neckties. He once fired an emloyee who nearly slipped from a horse during a character-building equestrian event he organized. Seen as the father of modern sales force, Patterson mentored (then fired) IBM founder Thomas Watson Jr."

Interesting.

dadx said:

saturday night... popcorn, fudge and watching heart and souls movie... wish you were here.

mengtar said:

i had a shiner black beer at movie tavern and watched the new hellboy2 movie. i wish i was there too.

dadx said:

i'd rather watch hellboy and have a black.



i take my hydration very seriously.



my afternoon of greatness and drinking and watching the twins game at the bar and more drinking and then watching hellboy2 and still drinking came to an end right about there.

there was a 180 mood change once i got to jupiter. i'm pretty sure i'm premensing. look out, kids, i am bad attitude central.

i mean, i wasn't completely unprovoked.



ugly kid in a pantera shirt wouldn't leave me alone. i'm wearing headphones and reading a book. do i really look like i'm welcoming a conversation?

luckily homeboy texted me to meet up again at coolbeans because there was some kicking music. too bad i STILL don't have my id and STILL can't get into certain bars certain nights of the week.

fuck texas.

and fuck the minnesota dmv.

i went home to play some splinter cell. ((tom clancy video games: mengtar's guilty pleasure)) but the fucking new roommates are playing ironman, which is lamecity. not even tom clancy lame, because, like the rainbow six games, it is at least fun in the "i just want to kill some bitches" sort of way, but it has reached a very true and genuine level of lame that can only be matched by sporty velcro sandals and muzak.

at least i had the time to hold up the bathroom once i got home to take an explosive dump from my movie tavern cheese pizza. ((special note: mengtar loves cheese... also, mengtar has a lactose intolerance... also, mengtar doesn't care, it's totally worth it))

about a minute later, bballamike called to tell me that the dude playing at the garage "is soo amazing" and that i "haaave to be heere!!!!" i played off the whole "awww... that's too bad, i totally would go if i had an id" but really i was just screaming in my head because i'm sick the bullshit. i hung up the phone and threw it at the wall.

then i pooped some more.

after too many cups of waffle house coffee with dadx, i am wired at 3am...

i listened to my voicemail and stumbled upon this jewel from drunklor buctrose:

mengtar, really this fucker is playing promark right now and i asked him what the little stripes meant and he didn't know. the solid gold and the not so solid gold... he didn't know what that meant. the kid had decent singles but... i called him a bitch. and he won't even fucking answer. he didn't know what his drums meant! he's... honestly.... he's honestly, he's blind with promark and he didn't even know what it meant. i almost hit him. i played on his drumset for a little while and out-shined him. it felt right. and i took my shirt off so buctrose was definitely represented over him. honestly, you need to answer your phone this instant. period. period.








((period))

this is an actual email conversation between mengtar, mengtar's two sisters and mengtar's dad taken place between 10-18 and 10-23.

dx said:

OK girls, here is the next much anticipated email contest !!
You must REPLY ALL with questions and answers to assure it is fair to all contestants
There will be no more then one clue a day, I will try and send it out early morning or late at night to assure you all have a fair chance to see the clue (late at night is 10:00 for me !!)
Mx is copied on this too...but she can not guess, or give clues...you are all strictly prohibited from soliciting clues from her !!
Todays category is: An Event
Clue 1: 6:08
good luck !!

sx said:

How exciting! I love contests.
Are we allowed to know if this is an event of the past or future? (or is the answer to this question a future clue once you run out of clues?)

dx said:

yes

kx said:

My guess is that dx is taking us to chicago to visit sx and we are watching the twins play the white sucks on 6-08-08.... sorry dx i forgot to reply all when i sent it so you just got this email twice.

dx said:

no, not even close...

kx said:

Is dx throwing a party on june 8th, 2008 saying that he is seven days away from being forty eight??

mengtar said:

shouldn't you be in bed or doing homework??
((dx, i win right??))

dx said:

no winners yet !!
Clue #2
6:08 indicates 6 minutes and 8 seconds
what could it be ???

sx said:

Is this how long it will take me to realize that I'm going to fail my anatomy exam on Monday after the start of the test?
And what are you doing up at 2:14 am??
Did you participate in a mile run and it you won the race in 6 min and 8 sec and you got a to run through the red tape at the end and stand on a pedestal and a hot babe in a bikini hung a medal around your neck?

kx said:

The time it took dx to walk to the end of the driveway to get the newspaper because he hasnt been biking or running like kx said???? also i was awake at 112 because i was watching the mighty ducks with my roomies as our last roomie bonding time.. we made cupcakes and spaghetti and watched the mighty ducks.. and mengtar why were you awake at 214????

mengtar said:

because i was supporting my friends' ska band in their musical endeavors?
also, i used to work with the trombone player and she was totally wearing a Twins world champions shirt from 87. baller.

dx said:

Ok people....lets get back to the "EVENT"
Wrong guesses are:
dx is taking us to chicago ...NO
dx throwing a party on june 8th...NO
how long it will take me to realize that I'm going to fail ...NO
participate in a mile run and it you won the race in 6 min and 8 sec...NO
time it took dx to walk to the end of the driveway ...NO
Obviously I will have to step up the clues....
Clue 1: 6:08
Clue 2: 6:08 indicates 6 minutes and 8 seconds
Clue 3: Diana ( I never met her before, but she was there???)
BONUS CLUE !!!!!: Left (as in not right)
The next round of clues will get easier......

sx said:

Was someone in the kitchen with Diana (I thought it was Dina) stummin on the ol banjo?

mengtar said:

you thought it was dina, but i thought they were stRumming the banjo...

kx said:

This random girl at a party timed dx doing a keg stand for 6 minutes and 8 seconds... or was it Mx???

sx said:

WTF? I can't win without more clues!!! Get on the ball Dx, we're burning daylight!

dx said:

What's a keg stand ???
WTF?? is this another contest?
it must stand for :
White Trash Family
Where's The Fish, Fridge, Fire, Food, etc...
Worse Then Failure
World Trade Federation
Was That Funny
Welcome To Finland
What's This For
Water Treatment Facility
None of this has anything to do with the contest
NEXT CLUE...
ARC, and I don't mean a segment of a differential curve, or the song from Pear Jam, or the big boat Noah built.
Second bonus clue, the event took place last Thursday.

kx said:

Dx joined ARC fitness and has a personal trainer named Diana and he ran a 6 minute and 8 second mile last thursday... does saint cloud even have an arc fitness???

sx said:

WTF = What the f***
I've never heard of the band "Pear Jam" Did you hear them on 800 AM?

kx said:

didnt you get the memo sx.. they started playing this "pearl jam" on 800 am about three or maybe four weeks ago.. it caused a huge uproar.. dx even wrote a letter to radio station but over time this "pearl jam" grew on him.. then he decided to start working out at ARC fitness and met his personal trainer diana who made him run a six minute and eight second mile.. go dx!!

dx said:

The only clues I have left after this mornings clue(s) are so obvious that I might as well tell you what this 2nd historical event was....see below for todays clue......
Wrong guesses are:
dx is taking us to chicago ...NO
dx throwing a party on june 8th...NO
how long it will take me to realize that I'm going to fail ...NO
participate in a mile run and it you won the race in 6 min and 8
sec...NO
time it took dx to walk to the end of the driveway ...NO
Anything in reference to Pearl Jam
Clues that apparently haven't been any help !!
Clue 1: 6:08
Clue 2: 6:08 indicates 6 minutes and 8 seconds
Clue 3: Diana ( I never met her before, but she was there???)
BONUS CLUE !!!!!: Left (as in not right)
Clue 4: ARC, and I don't mean a segment of a differential curve, or the song from
Pear Jam, or the big boat Noah built.
Second bonus clue, the event took place last Thursday.
Clue 5 (actually 7 counting bonus clues): Arm (This clue goes with the first bonus clue)
Third bonus clue!!...Oreo Cookies

kx said:

last thursday at wing night dx competed in a oreo eating contest and his partner diana was missing her left arm.. but they ate the whole bag of oreos in six minutes and eight seconds

dx said:

First....I don't need any help eating a whole bag of Oreo's, and as you should know, I don't like to share my Oreo's. Diana was not missing her left arm, but she did hurt my left arm.
My responses may contain additional hidden clues...such as ARC followed the WTF response from Sarah (whatever that means???)

sx said:

Were you eating your Oreo's at the contest so fast because you have been so stict with your diet/exercise plan set up by Kx and you were so excited about the Oreo's that you threw out your left shoulder beating up this Diana chick who tried to take one?
And by left shoulder being thrown out, I mean hurt left arm in some way...

kx said:

dx was at ARC (a robzombie concert) last thursday eating a whole bag of oreos.. when six minutes and eight seconds into the concert some chick named diana was crowd surfing and crushed his oreos so dx beat her up and hurt his left arm in the process.. I KNOW I AM A GENIUS AND GOT IT RIGHT... PLEASE HOLD THE APPLAUSE!!!
dx was at rumors choking (ARC) on the full bag of oreos it took him six minutes and eight seconds to finish when diana came up to give dx the heimlich and hurt dx's arm in the process... therefore dx is going to give up eating oreos

dx said:

lets put all of the clues together and see what we have.... because everyone has gone in the wrong directions so far..... Ignore all of your old guesses...they aren't even close.....
The event (which has occurred for the second time) lasted 6 minutes and 8 seconds, it took place last Thursday. Diana was there and it involved my left arm. I had Oreo cookies. And the abbreviation ARC, may not show up on the Wikipedia search, I am sure it is in the 94,000,000 hits on Google. But it does stand for something!! The event did not cost me anything, and will not cost anything, yet it is very valuable to someone.
What did I do....the next clue will be the last clue, and will be in the form of a Jumble....like in the paper where you un-scramble the letters.

sx said:

Damn, I'm so bad at the Word Jumble

kx said:

damn.. i am really bad at this game

dx said:

Ok...Its JUMBLE time!!!

For those of you that are JUMBLE challenged, I put in a few clues for the answer. If you don't know the rules or how to play, then you have led a very sheltered life.....and you should call mengtar, because I know she knows how to play and is very good at it!!
(I can't be responsible if more then one word can be formed out of the
jumbled letters)

TNEODN (_)_ _ _(_)_
RODNEW (_)(_)_ _ (_) _
HGREPO (_)(_)_ _ _ _
REVAB (_)_(_)_ _

Answer: _ _ D _ A _ _ _ L _ _ _

dx said:

The contest has been solved....at 11:50AM Central Time, I received a phone call confirmation of the correct answer......the remaining participants (you know who you are) will still have an opportunity to solve the contest.
It was stated that all the clues made sense, once the answer was revealed.... however, none of the previous guesses made any sense (once again, you know who you are!!!)

kx said:

my new guess is that this contest is complete bullshit because the words in the jumble i am convinced dont make any words at all and dx just needed some form of entertainment because i am no longer living at home to keep the house full of entertainment

dx said:

you are disqualified for swearing !!
and yes the words and clues all make sense!!

kx said:

sx said damn.. and i got yelled at or saying damn once because you said it was a swear word!.. but i do not believe the jumbled words make any words at all

mx said:

hahaha i win!!!
i'm the shiznit mofos!
((watch your mouth, kx!))