all i want to do is watch the fucking football game without the fucking dog licking my pants and without my fucking roommates annoying the shit out of me. outbursts of unnecessary giggling and irrelevant statements and me slitting my wrists in the corner.

why did i stay home on game night? sunchips would make this waay better.

i've been waay crabby and probably pre-mensing lately.

every month, hx calls me out and asks if i'm about to start.

he's always within three days.

today was that day.

FUCK!

UGH!!! playtex gentleglides are the worst most horriblest tampons in production! target had them on sale a few months ago. they were super-discounted and if you bought two of the million-tampon boxes you also received a $5 gift card. how can you pass that up?!?!

next time, pass it up.

i think they're lined with teflon.

am i old enough for a hysterectomy just because i feel like it yet?



onto great things...

yesterday was homeboy'ssisterx's birthday and it somehow became an amazing idea to bring her ((schwasted)) to my house to crash and play rockband and whathaveyou.



she told me i had a great ass once for every time she fell down my stairs.

it was plenty entertaining.



mAx was watching bizarre foods on the travel channel and took special note when they brought up foods from minnesota!

mAx said:

you guys eat some fucked up shit!

mengtar said:

we do?

mAx said:

yeah. you put everything ON A STICK! spaghetti and meatballs on a stick, tatertot something on a stick...

mengtar said:

ooo, tatertot hotdish on a stick? yeah, i'm hoping to get some when i go to the state fair while i'm home...

mAx said:

see!!! and what the fuck is a meat raffle?!?



special note: texans don't have meat raffles. i'll educate you later.



also, i totally look like a boy from behind... i can't wait for haircut day.

car shopping went well today.

details later. but...

ugh!!! i hate periods.

i'm already fat, but now i have to retain 80 gallons of water and feel ultra-bloated-shitty and also be a beluga whale?

also, don't even think about commenting about how beluga whales don't necessarily retain water per se but it actually just flows quite freely through their porous skin...

fuck yourself i hate you and i will shove my bloody tampons down your throat!!!

FUCK! i was )( THIS close to booking my flight until i realized that i'm going to be on the rag that whole weekend. FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!

on my way to work this morning, i got a telephone call from homeboy. now, homeboy and i only speak over the phone when things are incredibly important or if the point is to wake me up...

homeboy said:

what are you doing?

mengtar said:

i'm on my way to work.

homeboy said:

well, hallmark is having a sidewalk sale.

mengtar thought:

i'm sleeping with a guy that shops at hallmark?

homeboy said:

and they are selling scarves for a dollar!

mengtar said:

oh, i LOVE scarves! but i have to work! oh no!

homeboy said:

so when i go on my break, should i buy you a scarf?

!!((EDIT: so when i go on break, i will buy you a scarf))!!

mengtar said:

yes! yes! you should!

homeboy said:

but i don't know what kind or colors you like!

mengtar said:

then buy me two, they're only a dollar!


i got three new scarves today... he's worth keeping around sometimes.

homeboy works at a pizza place south of denton, and on occasion, i will pay him a visit and drink some beer and eat some pizza and then get in the way while he cleans after his shift. though it was planned, that did not happen today.

i passed the fuck out after work because my uterus was exploding and woke up around 9 or whatever and told him i couldn't make it... but he offered to bring me pizza and a mocha shake with peanut butter... ((best period drink ever))

i think all of my friends should be super overly nice every month and bring me scarves and pizzas and such. i would hang out with other people more often, i think.

things you need to know but didn't want to know about mengtar's period:

it started this morning around ten o'clock with a good medium flow.

no matter how many tasks are on my list of things to do and how important they are, mengtar will only manage to complete a maximum of three on the first day of her period.
today i paid my bills and found my camera cord. that will probably it for the day.

mengtar will yell at a minumum of two people a day throughout the first three days of her period.
so far, i have yelled at kx for not calling the gas company within the first minute and a half of him being home from class.

mengtar will start crying while yelling at at least one person throughout the first two days of her period.
i think i'm saving this one for homeboy.

mengtar will get frustrated while styling her hair and cry or put on a hat at least once during he period.
i did my hair before getting my period this morning. in the clear.

mengtar will feel like she has to poop at least 5 times on the first day of her period.
i have pooped twice today.

mengtar will want to cut her hair, but knows she is too impatient while on her period.
the scissors are in my pocket and my bangs are looking a bit too long...

mengtar feels ten degrees colder than usual when she is on her period.
crank you thermostats before inviting me over, kids.

it has been decided by me ((solely, which is never a good decision)) that tonight i am going to stay home ((again)) and build a couch fort and watch a million episodes of the office and finish my latest book chapter ((which is just shy of a disappointment)) and not spend any money so i can buy my laptop and pay my speeding ticket ((almost forgot)) and not bounce my rent check.

balls.

that is, until anyone calls or texts or something to convince me otherwise.

a special note to those that are femininely sensitive: cover your ears.

my period has been crazy. first i didn't think it would ever happen. and now it's a never-ending flow of hatred towards me and i'm using a million tampons every hour. it is the most unhappiest of times. also, i feel like i've been far crazier than perioded-mengtar usually is. and you can all thank me because i know that all of your girlfriends' cycles have aligned with mine because you kids just can't stop reading this garbage. this is the most joyous time for everyone.

and blogger won't upload any of my photos. so that's just not going to happen, sorry.

mengtar is anxiety central.

first off, she got screwed out of about a bill tonight. a party of roughly thirty came to the og and manager px told her that she wanted at least her and possibly best friend on it because of their strengths and teamwork abilities.

((which i find goofy because i hate teamwork.))

also, this may be the first time i have used the word 'goofy' in my blog... ever... making history. you just witnessed it.

but then kx ((the one that tried getting in my pants hardcore at the party with the boa constricter snake and whatnot where i came home crazy-sorts high and whatever. it's whatever.

so kx freaked the fuck out and i hate working with him on large-group tables. also, he's gimpy like riley. and wanted to be on the table but whatever. so i ended up not being on it with best friend and they made almost a bill each on it so i got fucked out of about a hundred tonight. fuck. him. and for once, several hours and drinks later, i'm not over it. i'm trying to run a business here.

then much later ((twenty minutes til close)) three ((large)) black women get sat in my section... now, on a completely yankee non-racist note, large southern black women at the og become ridiculous overly-demanding bitches after 9p. sorry, readers. it happens.

and then one of them says that she's going to go pick up her friend...

so i'm already crabby-as-fuck about the thirty-ish top i didn't get and my crotch started bleeding that evening ((thank god, but not)) and then i get bitches fucking me over hardcore when i've got drinking to be done on a monday night when i have to work at 6a the next morn. ((proud yet, ma?))

also, roaring concrete and steel washes you in blood. ((or something... totally whatever))

this is me continuing WITHOUT a doorslam ((jerk))

so i'm in pain with bleeding crotches and all and i have to put up with bitches and such and whatever i just wanted to go to homeboy's and sleep and cuddle and whatnot but he's like "no, your bff is at the boilerroom ((god, i love that place, buy only sometimesss)) and i went... you know, because my bff and all... and it was good minus dx and bxmx and then he's all super-insult-central because mengtars don't dance. don't. dance. at all. ever. great rhythm. exceptional, some may say. don't dance. whatever. not over it. fuck yourself. just because i'm not ultra-slut-whateverness that you're usually with... uh... fuck yourself.

am i saying that? yes. it's whatever.

also, i may have been drinking. i'm over it.

so i'm just going to continue being whatever and angry and not dancing at all ever until there is a timequake in which case all free will end for the time-being but in that time i will decide to dance and confuse everyone because they will continue what they did the first round and not dance unless that is what they did the first round and that will be completely whatever.

whatever.

((count the whatevers and i will continue not giving you five dollars.))

apparently i'm not just awkward to sleep next to, but also disgusting. thanks. i won't be developing a complex now or anything... and i'm sure this non-smoking, ear infection, wisdom teeth-heaven is doing magical wonders on my amplified purring.



last night best friend and i went to the boiler room to check out a bluegrass band called the boxcar bandits. i was really excited. then they played. and that's when i realized that i don't like bluegrass. oh well. homeboy and i left for lewisville to hang out at some bar attached to a grocery store. that was about the extent of this venue's class. i guess we all just need a reminder sometimes that this is not mengtar's crowd. also, there were black lights and i was under the impression that the mustard stain came out...



i ran into a lot of people i hadn't seen in a while at the boiler room. very few people that i could openly admit to wanting to see. but one of them got fatter. and i laughed... but not too hard... because of the equal conditions act. damn.



sometimes when you do dumb shit, and you know that you do dumb shit, having a good friend yelling at you still isn't completely unnecessary. thanks.



friday was xmas at the mengtar house... for only mengtar... my xmas presents were mailed from minnesota. i got some fucking sweet shit that i will get into whenever i feel like it. or not. it's really my call. not yours.







i wrote the first chapter of my new book... by hand... i obviously didn't get a laptop for xmas. this is going to be the longest writing of a book since the typewriter.



today and yesterday i've been all crazy-depressed-emo kid or whatever and freaking out and wanting to move home like this second. and this will go on until my vagina is half-exploded and i will become happy as bees.



also, the only thing more confusing than waking up with no panties, is waking up fully clothed and uncuddled. maybe i was anger-breathing in my sleep just last night and you deserved it.



cx and i saw juno. it was cute and quotable but whatever. and it takes place in minnesota so it was cool to see the snow and hear them say recognizable town names. mankato and stillwater were mentioned. and the adopted parents lived in st. cloud. ((can i get a whatwhat?))



i bought a travel-sized toothbrush. i'm not planning on traveling with it. i was just planning on leaving it. i just thought it would be less invasive because i don't like people leaving shit in my bathroom. maybe i'm the only one and i could have actually bought a regular one, but i would have felt guilty just the same. i'm over it.





also, this is a mengtar's blog first! tonight i ask for you to pray for my sister for dreaming that she applied at the copper lantern. that place should have been in juno. haha damn i'm awesome.

i dreamt about killer whales the size of my forearm and the bad guy from no country for old men and i woke up a thousand times freaking out that i was about to get knifed or airgunned and flailed about and interrupted some above average quality cuddling. awkward.

((sorry))

and since i've had nothing but lots of coffee and half of my el guapo's ((at a discount rate of 40%... seriously... i should go there more often than twice ever)) i'm basically operating at the mental capacity of cheese.



my nap was postponed so i could spend some quality time with an ((understandably)) irritable mx in the emergency room. iron appedices and no surgeries is bballa by definition.

we even have matching hand wounds!



((and by matching, i mean that we are both on the disabled list))

now that i have christmas plans, i definitely need to do some shopping. i've been working up a good brainstorm, but my insomnia doesn't provide for much to be a-brewin'.

i feel sorry for everyone i'm about to wait on tonight.



also, my crotch is bleeding, but i'm too tired to notice.

snowflake likes gomez but not as much as me. i know this because when i sing along, i say the words. not every song is croaking, stupid!



i think my innards are in a meat grinder.

mx played open mic at the garage last night. because of the garage's curses and black magic, he was quite nervous, but played beautifully. also, the crowd sucked. we split two pitchers. that didn't make the crowd any better. but ho number 3 totally had downs syndrome.

he will play again tonight to make up for last night's everything. ((crowd, nerves, and lack of fan club. also, fan club = everyone that was NOT there last night. i'm not part of the club, i'm team manager.))



i left the bar to watch some venture bros. at homeboy's place.

my intentions were good and pure!

but i passed out almost immediately. i think i was still drunk when i got up for work this morning. also, i slept on his bed sideways and instead of him waking me up to fix it, he just slept sideways too. what a weirdo.

my crotch is bleeding so these are currently my only friends:

ibuprofen
tampax
carl
beer

everyone else can fuck off. we will hang still hang out, but i can't guarantee being very nice.

the token is not nipple shields... but even better... it's totally the zelda crest and totally badass. complete bballa. yes. not legible in this photo, but "3 weeks sober" is engraved.



i waited on twenty cute boys at the og. eight of the twenty also attended the between the buried and me show. hot. ((also, the show was pretty badass. less than quality venue, though. it smelled worse than a middle school dance at 9.30pm. but the music was great, so it was like one of the drumline dances where carl's brother djs...)) but they all ordered the never ending pasta bowl and water and a thousand refills on everything. forty dollar gratuity. forty dollars on top. fucking right.

motorcycles are better than girls because all they ask for is some monthly maintenance. and that only takes a couple hours, not a fucking week. your mind has just been blown by the wisdom of the letter bb. ((bb as in bballa.))



speaking of which, my period is done so i just wanted to spend my whole day off masturbating to some new cds. too bad i had things to take care of...

visors are basically the best. they keep your face shaded AND your head cool... while golfing... in your... polo shirt... and your name is tx...



last night i ran into dan at ur moms. according to him ((and contradicted by everyone else in the free world)) he had been telling jx to call me every other day. daniel chode-erson, fabricator extraordinaire, also gifted us with such triple platinum hits as "i got fired this morning, not last week" and "mario loves me and won't leave me alone" and "i did severance" and "i'm not an addict, i swear" and "i don't have a license because i got mugged at gunpoint" and "megan has a boyfriend and she is also an addict" and "no, i didn't know jx was cheating on you the whole time". soon to be released ((but might be more than half true)): "vic is in love with you and wants to make your children". stay tuned.

where is aubrey??



about 20 minutes that way.

also, my crotch is bleeding and i'm feeling a bit drastic.

but not dangerous drastic... just freak out and yell a lot drastic...

yes.