okay, so this is tonight's boxing-outfit. maybe... unless someone comes in and looks at me too long or too short or in the wrong lighting... in which case i will go through my entire closet. again.



also, for the record that is only the fifth time i have done that. i've posted more pictures of myself peeing than event-outfits that took too much planning.

and now comes the big question: sweater shoes?



whatever. i'm over it. it will be whatever is most convenient at the time. sweater shoes with no socks or other shoes with socks.

also, if you missed the past whatever amount of time, i also cut my hair. this is me doing that, i guess.






also, to sx, remember when i told you that people do this and you wanted to see them do it and we didn't get to see them do it but we saw tracks of everyone doing it? yeah... here is the photographic evidence. they're totally doing it. man... one day, i'm totally going to do it.






also, i got to work early and totally got busted drumming in my car to some tech n9ne. holy loser central! but sx and i had a good laugh about it. well, she did. i mostly cried over it.

cx says i should dress kind of hardcore... s&m were her exact words...

the closest thing i have to s&m is a black t-shirt from the gap.

thanks, cx.

also, worse half of j and l, do you know anything about removing hair from digital cameras?

i tried on a thousand boxing-outfit combinations and then washed some clothes and then tried on a thousand more boxing-outfit combinations and then watched some of the office and then showered and now i think i just want to go in my towel. barefoot.

or maybe my sweater-shoes.

i took pictures of all of the outfit-contenders. well, the good ones and the decent ones and the ridiculous ones. i will either post them all for you to laugh at me or delete them all before i even get to fort worth. all depending on whether or not i can find something cool enough to wear that will make up for all the pictures.

((not going to happen))

i have almost doubled my site views in the month from december to january.

exponentially interesting... ((dorklor))

now i will continue dressing and undressing trying to find the right outfit for a boxing match...

((insert more losery here))

and don't think i didn't notice that you were totally wearing my shirt last night...

today is a mengtar rarity. i want breakfast. hot damn.

it could be because i was actually awake from seven to eight and after that i had like a thousand bad dreams and mx and sx died and i shot myself in the forehead and didn't die which is too bad actually because it didn't even hurt but it wouldn't stop bleeding and then i was forced to be a pretend lesbian to get this other girl who was completely in love with me to help me escape on her raft into this community of floating houses... whatever.

then i wokeup half-screaming that edward elgar composed the pomp and circumstance marches. ((i'm glad you had already left for class))

i might go buy some noodles and make spaghetti with momx's christmas homemade spaghetti sauce and drink smoothies and take pictures of all of it so you have something to aspire to later in life.

also, this man is not good. but was pretty confident in a not-knowing/not-caring sort of way that was almost endearing. and his guitar said "this machine kills fascists" all woody guthrie style. cute. so cute, in fact, that hearing about homeboy's 3-hour cellular biology lab was far more entertaining than listening to him sing. check it.

UPDATE: mengtar is video error central this morning so fuck this shit and on to the spaghetti.

santana was traded to the mets. against the trends of national league to american league flow of all of the other players, but we will be getting four, possibly five players out of this trade. an outfielder, three pitchers and possibly fielder i believe.

whatever.



i'll miss my ace.

((le sigh))

i would rather do this than get ready for work...



holy need-a-haircut-5000!





i like to imagine that this actually says "le sigh"






our view was blocked by mohawk and fathead.



everyone has to shower eventually... le sigh.

email from momx concerning a couple posts ago...



Hey kidddo,

I was reading your myspace this morning and wondering what was going on???? Are you and <> on the outs????

What happened???

Are you OK????

I worry so much about you all the time. You are such a sweet person, and I wish everyone could know that. I love you so much. And miss you so much too. Wish you could come home.
Call me if you need to talk!!!!

Love,

MOMx




momxes are sooo cute. i called and explained everything to her in the only way you can explain things to momxes. they get to hear it all.

mengtar hearts momxes.

also. momx, this is not myspace. this is a blog. both consist of everything that is complete losery... but there is a world of difference.

when i work an expo shift at the og i will usually bring my ipod and dance poorly in the alley. it's a good time. the other day ronnie was looking through my ipod and i heard "oh, please, PLEASE tell me this is what i think it is...."



and it was.

i'm not one to usually regret my actions. and though i'm not typically thought of as a very nice person, i think i treat people fairly. a week ago i would have been fine with the way everything ended.



but now that you're actually leaving and i've had time to think about the time we spent together and why we lost touch, i'm starting to feel the same way about you that i did months ago.



the question i refused to answer wasn't because i'm a counterfeit. i don't feel the need to prove anything, especially something i'm not proud of. ((not a regret, just not proud of it)) but if i were to give a fitting answer, there are no gains or losses. if i were to give a non-fitting answer, you have nothing to gain and i would be labeled a liar. what satisfaction would you gain from my fall? with only hours left, i don't know why you would try to manipulate this.



i had very strong feelings for you. a head-over-heels complete infatuation. and your habits were the only thing preventing a legit relationship. even now, after hours of thought and beer, i'm not sure how i could have pushed away something that was that real.



and for what?

completely indecisive and insecure casual sex with people that i can't even seem to look in the face most of the time? strange, that there was always a certain confidence i had with you but the idea of being in that much control made me feel wreckless and self-destructive.



you leave denton in the morning, and i'm scared as balls to come over.

((i'm sorry))

i was dominated at last cup today. what a disappointment.

i NEED the i'm not there soundtrack... starting... NOW.

i MAY have found my two new roommates! mAx and his friend cx. i just need to get kx's approval and we will be g to g.

tonight: captain gallagher at the boiler room. 11pmish.

done and done.

i made queso with my dad's xmas salsa and a couple slices of american cheese and i took a picture but then i realized it looked like barf.

but i assure you, it was deelish.

today, px learned the difference between being the big balla and just being well-endowed. HA!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SX!

i'm going to go drink with her soon.

also, the guy from the pictures with the sunglasses looks like cate blanchett as bob dylan in i'm not there.

check it:




maybe i'm silly.

((i'm over it))

this may be the first time i have come through on a promise made in a previous post...














consider yourself photo-up-to-dated except for any time spent with j or l or any combination of the two. those evenings will not be photo-documented.

this will be the best and also fastest post i've done standing.

i hurt my knee joy-jumping in my kitchen while reheating some pizza because i was listening to a story being told in excess. completely unnecessary.

i am officially a college applicant. transcripts and all. hence the joy-jumping.

i talked to strangers all night a few nights ago. it was probably one of the greatest times of the last week. i don't know anyones names but they were alright peole.

the first dude i think did a lot of meth or something and he gave me his sunglasses when i came out of the bar and he said that i looked beautiful in the not-hitting-on-you sort of way. and this other dude that was giving him a ride home for money was like you're super cool in a totally-hitting-on-you sort of way but that was okay because he was waay cooler.

then i talked to people i knew for some short minutes and talked to this other dude that i met only briefly but was super cool and i took pictures and i need a haircut bad now because i look at old pictures and get hair ency for myself.

over it.

and now i have to finish beer and go to bed i guess because too many people checked into the hotel reservationless and we will have a busy breakfast and i hope i bank hardcore because i just spent too much money applying for college and getting transcripts and i also have health insurance so i can FINALLY go to the crotch-doc.

whatever.

photos of everyone i hate later.

i also saw there will be blood the other day all the way down in grapevine which always seems excessive but the seats are comfortable and make me want to nap a little and i did but the movie was pretty cool and had great moments and could actually be quotable if i stayed awake during it about 15 times which i should totally do with smartass if he ever visits me in denton. but i hated the music. the composer was johnny greenwood or something like that but it was all either atonal or dissonant until it ended with some fucking vivaldi or some shit. fucked up. not okay with it.

done and done. beer then bed.

going to bed at 6.30a still drunk and high off everything and its mom just happy that i don't have to work in the am because that's now and then i have new plans for all and i will go through.

but the bed is still empty and the room is still cold and i should have just said that i missed you. i think i did.

mengtar's mazda has TWO fully functioning windshield wipers. imagine that!



the other night at work, a certain rx decided that i had been acting differently as of late, as if i was reflecting or in deep thought about troubling issues too often for rx's approval. we discussed a few recent events and changes vs. stagnance in my relationships with people. people of note were the roommates, the family, the close friends and a particular homeboy. rx decided right out that homeboy had to go and that i was being used for sex and whatnot and that i am too eligible to continue playing these games.

i laughed.

hard.



my only arguments were that we also cuddle and that we also hang out during crotch-explosion weeks.

rx considers these investments.

but i also love playing the safety games. more entertaining than balls.



so rx decides that it would be in my best interest to invite me to a movie that is actually a snakey pukelor set up double date. gross. it wasn't horrible. i mean, i got a free lunch and movie out of it. but vx was obviously more entertained by the idea of being on a date than i was.



but he was nice to look at and laughed at my jokes while making little attempt at humor himself. it's whatever. some people just aren't funny. you can be extremely attractive and not funny and i can pretend to be into that... i won't pretend very hard though.

he said he liked bob dylan too but i think he was lying. i didn't care enough to call him out on it though so i just gave him an "oh, yeah? cool." i'm that cool.

but i went through the whole date ordeal with no awkward anxiety weirdness or blurting out semi-offensive word mix-ups like "is my coffee done?!?" or "why come there isn't spinach in my salad? i mean i how! i mean indians!" as i run into the bathroom to shame-pout by myself.



i saw cloverfield. i'm not sure how i feel about it. i think i'll go again before developing an actualy opinion other than the fact that i enjoyed the cameraman's banter.

"rob, i think it's time to leave the electronics store."

whatever.

much later, cx and i went to el guapos to drink daquiris and watch her friend play violin in a mariachi band. very entertaining.






i worked super early and came home to my bed being emptier than i had left it. this is the face a mengtar that is disappointed5000. in one picture i'm upset about empty beds and the other i'm upset about needing a haircut. can you tell the difference??



((me neither.))