i know they're friends. i know they talk. but i can't help but get insanely angry every time he's on aim, because i know that he's talking to her.
we went out to a movie tonight. saw the invisible. it was pretty good. however, there were about a dozen dumb bitches two rows ahead of us that got stupid girly giggly in the dumb parts. it made me angry.
before the movie i stopped by the apartment to get my home-made purse because it is larger than my regular purse and easier to sneak popcorn into theaters because i'm poor. and michael ann was at the apartment. it was... well... awkward... i don't know if she thought i was there to like steal shit or something? i don't know. but she felt the need to call john and tell him that i'm mischievous or something. i don't know.
i love him. i want to trust him. i don't. at all. and that's the hardest part. for both of us. and because i don't trust him, i find myself checking his phone and playing all of those stupid immature mind games that do nothing but make him lose trust in me.
this is hard.
I went through the same thing with my ex-boyfriend. The exact same thing, he cheated once with a friend, and then again with a stranger but didn't tell me about it until six months later. I finally had to end it completely because I knew that when I was still checking his aim messages and his phone almost a whole year later I would could never completely trust him again. I still love him, but I've started to move on and I'm glad. I'm finally happy again.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can be happy again too.