i used my fortune cookie lotto numbers for the texas lottery. i'm going to win tonight and then michael and i are opening a bar/percussion studio. it's going to be basically awesome.

then i'm going to buy a mattress. seriously this time.

maybe then i'll get laid by that dude.

so blue stars are in town tomorrow. it's basically got me ridiculously on edge and super nervous. not only because i don't know what he is going to be like, but i have no idea how i will react to anything. i might not care. i might need to start drinking by 2. i don't know.

went to one of travis's friends' parties last night. drank some white russians, smoked some, and watched lebowski. just like the good ol days with the homies back in minnesota. ohh the memories...



afterwards we had an... interesting... conversation out in the parking lot. it was kind of nice. because he was so great at stepping around the topic, this is what i basically got out of him: "you're really cute and you're badass and you like metal which is awesome... but you're a smoker" apparently that's all there is to say... which is also boy-code for "i like cuddling with you, but am completely uninterested in everything else... even fucking."

seriously, where do i find these dudes?!?!?

got home to sleep around 5am. slept horribly. work sucked.

also:

sarah, meet chicago.



chicago, meet sarah.

i took off all day monday because the blue stars will be in denton... good thing they are actually here on SUNDAY. mother fuck.

saw the great taylor moseley the other day. had me in pre-drunklor hysterics. i hate to see what would have happened post-schwasted.

met up with travis after work to see some band at andy's last night. siren something or another. i don't know. but really good. loved the vocalist. note to drummer: paiste? seriously??? wow. great music. hadn't seen any live music down here since i saw crashsight in dallas.



also, crashsight is playing at the curtain club on july 28th with industry6.

and travis' band is playing at hailey's on july 29th.

stay tuned for details.

i can't get my lip ring back in. official sober decision: fuck it.

also it was cathy's bday yesterday so she came home all drunklor. how cute. that means i can make her go to shit with me. good times.

check out my homies in atlanta!

((thanks kyle))



i FINALLY saw transformers last night with travis. and it was everything i hoped it would have been. i will never wait this long to see a movie like that again. it was killing me. then we hung out at his place and saw some badass vin deisel movie.



while we were there, she called at like 2am to ask me a thousand times if i slept with him or if i kissed him and then told me that she didn't believe me. listen, hun, if you know you don't believe me, don't bother asking!!! fuck. this shit is going to need to stop.

i remember playing darts... and that's about it.

now is officially the time: stop drinking.

apparently i'm just going to get more and more anxious every day. i can feel it. this must be what it feels like to be a crazy psychologist. being fully aware of how crazy you are, but for some reason can't do anything about it.

i'm having a hard time distinguishing time and place. also reality from my dreams. some things are happening and i'm not sure if they really happened or if i dreamt them or if i thought them.

snowflake is saying hi. he likes to sing along to flogging molly. good taste.

also, happy birthday, randall!
and happy birthday hal!
and happy birthday kristen!
and happy birthday hanna!

i am completely okay with the fact that i am in complete denial.

one week. cue another complete emotional breakdown.

nice car thanks what do you drive oh i don't, i have a chandelier.



chandelier jokes? anybody? no? i must be drunk still.

apparently i have a problem or a conscience or morals or something now. i was supposed to fuck walker on friday. couldn't. i was in a funk. then last night travis came over ((which was awesome)) and that is the story i will tell now:

the metal band we were supposed to see went on at ur mom's at 9p. the olive garden closes at 11p. however, i got the lucky last table at 10.55p. fuckers. so i didn't leave until almost midnight. i met travis at dan silver leaf. apparently that band was lame, so we walked to hooligans. good times.

drank lots of whiskey. chatted it up with travis.

went home ((with travis)) and we watched the original teenage mutant ninja turtles movie on vhs. ((i bet drunks quoting movies all drunklor gets pretty obnoxiouslor when you're sober))

but for some reason, i couldn't fuck him either. so we just had to fall asleep on my futon. which makes me feel bad because the last time i saw him i had just been complaining about how boys don't put out anymore. and then i get two cool guys dropped on me two nights in a row and for some reason i back down. weird. maybe i need to be more drunk and less tired or something. whatever.

what's with me today?

what's with today, today?

also, i still haven't found anyone to go to the metal show with me tomorrow at ur moms.

maybe because this is how the conversation usually goes.

mengtar says:

hey, want to go to a metal show tomorrow?

anyonex says:

maybe, where is it?

mengtar says:

ur moms.

anyonex says:

whatever.

mike and i decided that we pretty much need to open a bar.

every tuesday. every hour on the hour. we will play journey.

when i got home and peed and duked, i realized that we really just want to drink all the time and get paid for it and have a pool table and dart boards and tvs with every sports channel on at the same time and smoke a lot.

dreams shattered.

i heart tunafish and mozzarella quesadillas.

huzzah!

so i was supposed to hang out with dude tonight. also, dude is his mengtar's-loser-blog name. he texts me and apparently girl went crazy again ((of course)) and he didn't want shit to go down so he cancels.

dude, sorry, but i'm not into your second-hand drama. i can't take things that aren't just straight up and real anymore and i'm not going to play that game.

uncool.

so i came home from work pissed off because i only had three tables and didn't make shit. so i decided to do some problem resolution at lou's. i love that place. it doesn't matter what day of the week it is, i always run into three people i know. tonight it was michael b ((always there, also photographed)) another girl from work, dude from side bar ((turns out his name is eddie)) and travis. travis sat down and chilled with us.

metal show this saturday at ur mom's. ((on university next to movie tavern))

travis' metal show sunday the 29th. stay tuned.

be there motherfuckers.

mengtar said:

dude

michael said:

yo

mengtar said:

let's just fucking go to the bar.

mike said:

why?

mengtar said:

let's see... because i hate people and boys are shadey and i want to drink beer and chainsmoke and because you love enabling my bad habits.

michael said:

you do prove a good point...

mengtar said:

i do. my knowledge is unquestionable.

michael said:

hmm.....bar.....

mengtar said:

it's a great idea. don't doubt me.

michael said:

while i love going out to the bar...I'm not sure if I should.

mengtar said:

why?

michael said:

just feeling kinda....lazy tonight. like I haven't done anything lately at the house except sleep

mengtar said:

not good enough. oh, well then, you know what will make you feel REAL productive?!?!? sitting downstairs with kyle and cathy watching harry potter!

michael said:

eh, I'm kinda paying attention to it. still trying to figure out how to work this vista stuff

mengtar said:

fuck it you're going to get angry before midnight and decide to return it anyway. my logic is undeniable.

michael said:

haha hmm....well, I do have a few dollars in my room...

mengtar said:

that is true. and i do have a couple packs of smokes. give in! be weak! what's it going to be? and don't let it be no. i'll strangle you.

michael said:

it's going to be a yes, but not quite at this moment. perhaps 15 minutes or so

mengtar said:

what?!? dude, i don't have 15 minutes. i already changed.

michael said:

and I'm not even ready

mengtar said:

so get ready. like, now. michael ann is waiting on her front porch with tears in her eyes waiting for us to pick her up. she thinks we forgot about her. now get your ass up here and change so i can be an addict.

michael said:

didn't even know she was coming

mengtar said:

i just called her about 8 seconds ago

michael said:

ok, can you grab my cash and wallet and shit off my desk?

mengtar said:

i just don't know what to do anymore.

mike said:

you could try being less of a ho.



i hate you sometimes.

so i get a phone call around 3-4am from that dude. we talk on the phone for a good hourish and we decide that i should come over. okay... any phone call made to a person of the opposite sex after last call is booty call. correct? of course.

however, this dude calls almost every day after i get back from the bars. STILL WON'T MAKE A MOVE.

i came over for the sole purpose of sleeping in his bed next to him. nothing. he is asking to get raped. and it is definitely a possibility that i do that tonight.



why i think people hang out with me:

boobs.
the rare, but occasional free drink.
the possibility of being raped.
to stare admiringly at my moderate cuteness.
to make their lives seem more stable by comparison.
drama updates.
to bum smokes.
to become famous by association.
free cover at hooligans.

why do people hang out with me, anyway?

ran into walker at the bar. it was cool. apparently we're hanging out friday or saturday. which means mengtar will get laid this week. hopefully by the other guy. that would be better.

not that walker was bad. he was great, actually.

but the other dude is super cool. and i like hanging out with him. walker and i don't hang out. we just fuck. which is fine. it isn't awkward... unless we're at a bar with my friends and they all know that we both fuck and that's about it... like tonight...

then kyle and mike went home so mike could maybe get laid and michael ann and i went to lous to meet up with this other kyle kid that she knows. he was cool. he asked me what my heritage was because apparently i have a weird face. whatever. irish/polish mother fuckers.

alcoholics at birth, we are.

but hanging out with the other dude is more fun. maybe it's the thrill of the chase? no. because i'm getting sick of working for it and i would rather just fuck him and keep hanging out.

whatever.

bed.

enough things have happened tonight to consider it eventful, but i am still bored out of my mind. probably because i'm too sober to really enjoy any of it.

i took a bath for the first time since i was maybe 12? then i remembered why i don't like taking baths. i don't find swimming in a tub of my own filth to be very "relaxing". at all. every time a hair or something would float near me i would get grossed out. not fun.

i got out of the tub around 8.30 and realized that i hadn't gone to petco to buy snowflake more food.

petco got more white's tree frogs in! it's about damn time. they haven't had any since i bought snowflake and wellington back in september. one was almost full-grown ((MASSIVE)) and the other two were snowflake's size. they have one on reserve for me until friday. probably only because i go there all the time.

the dude ((new guy)) came up with my bag of crickets and as he was tying it off he popped the bag. three dozen small crickets all over the place. i could only laugh. i lost control of all of my bodily functions ((sans bowels)) and fell to the ground laughing. it was basically the best. especially since i embarrassed the fuck out of him. sorry dude. clip your finger nails or learn to suck at tying bags less. i don't know what to tell you.

i can't find my Timequake book. and i don't want to start another one or finish another one. i was really in the mood to finish that tonight.

crazy-dude from last night ((as opposed to the crazy-dudes from every other night)) called me on my way home from petco to hang out again tonight. uhh... how about if i start letting less crazy into my life.

tonight i should hang out with married mike. but the only place we can really hang out is a bar or jupiter house. no bar because it is sober night. no jupiter house because i am avoiding daniel.

::sigh:: i guess this is homebody week.

i shouldn't be allowed to use my phone drunk anymore. for calls or text messages.

sarah knew i had a good story because i was sober when i left the message. bitch.

maybe this is the story of where the loser actually succeeds and he wins.



i made a mozzarella meatloaf today because i have am starting atkins diet apparently. but i have a feeling that i'm just going to eat a bunch of greasy meat non-stop and get really fat and then when i hit 400lbs. i will be like "well, i guess kyle was right and this was a bad idea." whatever.

this is audrey. she came out for mario's birthday a few days ago and she made us stay at that really shitty bar so that she and her underage ugly boyfriend could hear their nine inch nails song on the jukebox. not worth it. ever. anyway, i couldn't stand her and she wore stupid flashing lights and carried a flask. when alcoholics like me carry a flask it is cool. when stupid non-hipsters like you carry a flask. not cool.



she also had shitty orange nailpolish and a cultmovie shirt that i totally would have worn, but never now. why do people insist on doing this to themselves?

i also bought celery and peanutbutter. why, i don't know. it seemed like a great idea, but i just remembered that i hate celery.

oh yeah, i bought ice cream too. just so i don't go too crazy. chocolate ice cream with peanut butter. fuck off.

i still have to go back out and buy a new lip ring and more crickets for snowflake.

oh yeah, josh was there too.



i guess these are the famous last words that he said for the boy turned and blew off his head.