forgetting everything would make this so much easier. if i could just go a day without thinking about it. just to be normal.

i think mike hid the scale. i don't know how much i weigh. which might be a good thing right now.

obsess much?

dan has a goal of hooking me up with every barely eligible guy in denton. so far he is 0-4. not the best record, even worse than my fantasy baseball stats.

one was two days ago at jupiter. he told me i was hot and adorable all night and that i should drink at his place ((even though it was already 3am.)) ten minutes later he started talking about his 2 year old son. uhh... no. then he started talking to this guy that walked out of the coffee shop. i turned around and it was walker. a former black eyed pea bartender. i asked walker if i should go over to his place. he laughed a bit and said that he was looking out for his girl, and i should definitely not go over. i laughed.

the last one was last night at ur moms after we did the fry-street crawl for mike and big momma's birthdays. at least he has good taste in the appearance spectrum. this guy was okay in his pick-up lines. later vic, a former movie tavern cook, came to the bar to say hi. i started talking to him and dan's pick pulls me over and whispers in my ear, "babe, you're too adorable to be talking to niggers." to which i reply "that's why we don't hang out." turns out he had spent the last five years in prison. later i made travis save me to get me the fuck away from that guy. i saw a bunch of movie tavern people that remembered me and it was cool. drank lots. the end.

michael ann and i came upon a striking discovery today. one: italics are okay. two: drinking at the house is LAME.

so after a drink, we went out to lou's.

played the ring toss game with a couple guys and they bought us drinks. it was alright. even though they were also slightly lame but not quite as lame as the people i live with. but whatever. it was company and free drinks.

top three favorite parts of watching aqua teen hunger force colon movie for theaters in the theater

3: the rockin music: i like your booty, but i'm not gay.

2: meatwad: yeah, i mean over the phone, yeah. he says that it sounded like my hobbit that turns the crank case is depressed and need thereapy. we need to get us a new hobbit. they's from the land beyond time. the land beyond time's also gonna hook us up with the unicorn for the radiator. i ain't even gonna tell you about the haunted air conditioner. plus the air filter. that's made of plutonium. that's gonna involve superman so, you know, plus shipping from krypton...

1: him: i love you.

::beep bloop::

say, what is that noise?

i don't know. it's coming from your pocket.

oh, my pocket? then that must be my iphone. my apple iphone. it's new. you might have heard of it.

that's not an iphone.

it's not?

no, you duct taped a razr and an ipod together. i watched you do it. i even cleaned up the mess you left on the counter.

i have no idea what you're talking about.

42 days since i've been happy.

and now some bitch is sleeping in my bed. what the fuck.

i hate texas. i hate that i have no friends. i hate that he's with her and that he only maybe loves me.

i wish i could have talked to leah tonight.

here it is, kids.



also, i'm back to 162. slow and steady wins the race... ((shutup. i like cookies))

also, happy birthday to kyle!



and happy birthday to mike!



and happy birthday jarel! ((and yes i just stole this picture off your facebook because i don't have any pictures of you... shutup, twin.))



and happy birthday to big momma! ((tomorrow))

interesting night:

it started with me being ridiculously bored.

cathy and i decide to have a daquiri/painting party. we went to wal-mart around 9 to buy some paint and cookies. it was also a cookie party.



2 daquiris into the wind and a half-painted alligator later, my phone rings. it was dan. i'm assuming the conversation is going to go something like this...

dan says:

what are you doing?

mengtar says:

painting and drinking daquiris.

dan says:

want to meet at jupiter later?

mengtar says:

yes.

dan says:

okay.



however, the conversation actually went more like this...

dan says:

the tomato is on fire. you have to come down here.

mengtar says:

what the fuck.



yes. someone ((some fry-street rat)) started the tomato ((local recently closed pizza place)) on fire. i show up and find dan, not-roommate mike and randall. there are roads closed off and police tape all over and flooded streets on account of the water hoses and the endless rain. my shoes got wet and i was angry.

we walked to hooligans and i ran into a dude i work with who was acting kind of wierd... but in an i-like-you way. whatever.

mike bought me a drink and we chilled. it was fun. sometimes i hate dan though.

i hate it that he knew that john was cheating on me and said nothing. i hate it that he is so manipulative. i hate it that he lies. and i hate it that he never told me until tonight that john thought i was cheating on him. i never even looked at another guy the whole time i was with him. he was my world.

i remembered that when i drank with roommate mike and michael ann last night that they were having a little candle-light ceremony thing outside the tomato. and now it's burned. wow.



after hooligans, mike and i were still kind of looking for something to do. so we drove down to lake lewisville ((the same place i picked up dan when he made a volleyball appear.)) and chilled. the lake was major-flooded half way into the parking lot. we chilled until 5am talking about our failed relationships. his wife told him on friday that she was thinking about an anullment. sadness. made me think about a lot of things. it was nice though. very pretty.

mike then drove me to my car and the tomato was still smoking and they were still spraying water... 6 hours later. wow.

things that sound good:

daquiris
naps
big fat dicks



and him.

i miss the lot.



and i miss him.

previously, i have had no problems leaving my lip ring out for several hours at a time.

for some reason today that was not the case.

ouch.

if my face is black tomorrow, it might be tetanus.

also this:

so facebook has this application that i am absolutely in love with.

it's called the honesty box. people anonymously post shit in your box. it's kind of cool.

if you're not a facebooker, feel free to anonymously say what you think about me. or if you have facebook... do it still. you're thinking it anyway.

work is lame. someone ran into me from behind and got a nickel-sized spot of marinara sauce on the back of my shirt. the manager that hates me made me go home to change. i took my sweet time and bought some cigarettes and ate some lasagna while i was out.

a girl at work wants to move into the house until december. but kyle is apparently holding out for this kid from phantom that is a less-than-maybe. lame, because it would be really cool if she moved in.

his phone doesn't work anymore, and he's all i think about.

new game plan:

become a rock star.
do more drugs.
stop eating.

also, the twins win the world series.




















busy hating everything.

times like these i hate texas.

not that i could ever go back to minnesota.

i just hate everything.

finally a sunny ((but ridiculous texas-hot)) day so i could lay out in my underoos and get a tan. a beautiful thing.

work was... interesting... i definitely banked tonight. that was nice.

however, i was asked out by three different guys, and asked to join a three-some... two of the askings-outs were people i worked with. one was a table... and the threeway was a different table.

apparently fat is the new black??

and some crazy guy was stomping in the parking lot wearing flannel near my car, so i had to be walked to my car... creepy.

went to fry street with mike and michael ann. good times. played some darts. forgot my camera. but i finally played the ring-and-hook game at lou's and i got it 3/10. that's basically magical.

whatever.

i miss john.

the girl on the my questions application on facebook is wearing my shirt. unhappy.

dear megan,
you suck at me.

love,life.

ps. try being less unattractive.

i anger-cleaned the kitchen hardcore.

then i yelled at mike.

then i found out that not only did he tell colby and michael ann, but james. fucking james. what the fuck.

anyone else i should know about????

they're like 4th grade girls. jesus balls.

i miss john.

pictures of happier times.

the latest word is that he's miserable and is "dying to get back together".

excited, but nervous.

last night i chilled and had 2 beers at abby's. it was alright.

i crawled into bed at 3.30am. my phone rings at 3.31am. daniel is stranded at lake lewisville ((the only lake in texas)). and apparently tara the slut was busy fucking other guys and then passed out and couldn't get up so even dan could drive her home and he needed me to bring him home.



i pick him up alongside the fucking interstate. he's sitting on a rock with a volleyball. he tells me a drawn-out story about bowling, boating, and fucking a fat ugly not generously endowed ((and straight)) cop. but he didn't realize the first three until half-way through at which point he brings these factors to the cop's attention and decided he needed to go home. i ask if he played volleyball... here is how this conversation played out:

megan said:

did you guys play some volleyball?

dan said:

what?!? no.

megan said:

then... why do you have a volleyball???

dan said:

what?!? where the fuck did this come from?!?

i proceeded into hysterics. i love that guy.



i need about a grand by the end of the month... just to pay the fucking bills.

FUCK ME!

i also forgot to close my tab at lou's on fry street the other night. i guess i'll pick it up tomorrow? that will be a nice little fee...

quitting smoking until i can get back on my feet financially. it's weird. all i do is work. i rarely even buy food anymore. BROKE!



have to start paying back student loans again soon. AND apparently my dad is being pissy and kicking me off their cell-phone plan, so now i need to get my own plan. great. more money i don't have.

and i still owe them $850. bills are $170. my LAST month of apartment rent is $435. car insurance is $113. house rent is $180. my share of the kid-sister's grad present is $50. student loans are $100. i need to become tabc certified by tuesday for $30-40. and who fucking knows what it costs to start up a new cell phone plan these days. fuck. that's a lot more than a grand. i have $100 to my name. but i have $188 on my credit card... with a limit of $200. damn. damn. damn.

i've gained back almost all of the weight i've lost. sad panda.



((he loves me, and that makes me feel okay about all of it))