special note: this post was written sober, added to after drinking, and finished after sobering up... work with me.

in a fit of awesomeness, i went out with best friend and rx with girlfriends in tow for drinks and dominoes. mostly drinks, but after reviewing the photos this morning, apparently there were some dominoes in there too.

we met up at riprocks to see some soul kitchen. i was digging it more than usual and talked to a stranger in a less-awkward-than-usual fashion.







we drank a little more at cool beans... the whiskey starts... and i'd say that my emotional level is at about a 4.




welcome to best friend's bathroom. also, if you take pictures like these and don't delete then, this is what happens. readers, meet rx.





tx is amazing. i can't wait to sit and chat with her and drink wine and sew and cook and make out... i mean... cook. whatever.





i had no problem finishing this baby off. i heart canadian whiskey.




rx likes to pretend that he's emo. i think he pulls it off.





tx has taken a particular liking to my titties and pretends they look like this...




later, my emotional level increased to about a 9 and rx and tx were about as awesome as physically possible and drove me to their futon and back to my car in the morning... well... late afternoon... i'm over it.

as of today's game, carlos gomez ((swoon)) is the third youngest player in mlb history to hit for the cycle.

did anyone else catch the interview/articles of ozzie kissing major ass on the twinkies? just how we're always fun to watch and the way we play the game and whatnot. nothing i didn't already know. but i agree that gomez's career will definitely be epic. i'm already waiting for this years new spread of topps cards so i can frame him up with my other greats. ((bert blylevin, paul molitor, brad radke, kirby puckett, and of course.... wally the beerman))

tonight was something of a different sort. i chilled with brothers and sons at the pourhouse and applebees. loud but chill and too much laughing and drinks... again.

drama ensued when jxnumbereighty-five went through my texting inbox while i was in the ladies room to find texts from homeboy. something about boys i'm not dating becoming ultra-possessive over other boys i'm not dating makes me frustrated5000. maybe i should have had more to drink.

drink it all away, numb it down to none
stay awake tonight and wait for the sun
you say you hate your life, you ain't the only one
let your frustration out the gate and watch the pony run
one double, for the hunger and the struggle
two for the fool trying to pull apart the puzzle
three now i smile while i wait for your rebuttle
by the fourth shot, i'm just another child in a bubble
trying to play with the passion and the placement
just to see what these people let you get away with
still trying to climb a mountain for you
hammer in my hand, still pounding on a screw
you don't listen, so i don't speak no more
nobody is winning, because neither is keeping score
don't want to think no more, just let me drink some more
pour me another, because I can still see the floor

so i can forget you now
so i can come let you down
so i can remember how true i am to this addiction of you.

((pour me another))

so tonight was pretty much disappointment central with a couple perks to keep me going.

i was supposed to play dominoes... err... bones... with best friend and rx, but they bailed because i got out of work too late and we all work in the morning.

bones postponed to tomorrow.

invited the unresponsive homeboy. whatever.

i decide to go home and sleep off the hate.

after doing some more layout work to the blog and laying in bed for twentyish minutes naked with the lights off in a failed effort for sleep, i decide ((7 minutes prior to showtime)) to go watch bballamike play at andys.

upon my arrival, descent guitar player with a wicked hat and vest and major phasing issues with his co-guitar player were on stage. i didn't vibe it. too bad.



moving on.

his show was far better than average. complete with a song about snowballing his wife. how sweet.





i was basically bored and miserable ((pouting)) for the first half hour of andys until i saw a girl with a "so it goes" tattoo.



as a vonnegut fan, i FREAKED ((internally)) but complimented her anyway. i've NEVER been one to believe in copying ink... but i'm pretty sure i NEED this tattoo. whatever. she's pretty baller and introduced me to this dude mohammed. ((above average good-looking and a more than awesome conversationalist)) who insists on buying me drinks for the rest of the night.

i'm usually okay with that.

closing track of the closing act was major tom, of course, and bballamike accompanied ((beautifully)) and this dude played harmonica in the corner and he was basically badass about it in an overly pretentious way... "i don't have to be on stage OR have a microphone to accompany you on harmonica. i accompany who i want when i want whether they like it or not." it reminded me of kyle. i miss him. and i feel retarded for letting him slide for someone else too pretentious for my own good. at least he was genuine and made me feel pretty.




also, last night i drank at loophole with the roommates and made awkward eye contact with one of his old friends we used to hang out with. i remembered his name this morning and found his number in my cell phone later this afternoon. i think it's about time to swallow my awkwardness.

homeboy texts back enough to make me antsy but standoffish enough to make me roll my eyes and scream "get over yourself!"

whatever. i've been phased and replaced, but am not necessarily over it.

i'm over the fact that i'm not over it and don't need to hear what you have to say about it.

also, i'm not turning into a lesbian. but if it happened, i would be over that too.

((so it goes))

new levels of narcissism... stalking yourself.

today's 3-mile run time: 28 minutes

today's lesson: if it has rained and part of your running route includes tall-grassy areas... don't.

i hate squishy shoes.

my shoes are squishy.

i hate my sheos.

part of my 3-mile running route includes the parking lot behind the cracker barrel and fairfield inn. ((because the only segment of sidewalk on university drive is in front of racetrack)) since this morning was muggy after last night's storms, the smell of french toast and syrup hung in the air. it brought me back to 2004 on my second year of drum corps tour. i wanted to start singing the closer or doing breathing block or something.

i didn't. and it was for the best.

but i do wish i could end my run with already-made breakfast including peanut butter and jelly sandwiches... but oh, how the french toast mornings were the best.

yesterday i didn't work out at all because i was waiting for certain bballa to call me... that's okay, instead i spent the whole day eating greasy burgers and fries and drinking beer and eating chocolate chip banana bread and taco bell and drinking more beer...

at least i had a good run time.

i will NEVER watch this movie.

i downloaded j's recommended ((necessary)) dvc player. but the player stops working when i open the movie file.

he referred me to an afterdawn.com how-to guide that comes complete with download links and explanations on the whole coding-decoding, file compressions, and vlc vs. mkv shit.

i get it. all of it... i think.

i read through all of it start troubleshooting with the videoinspector software. this is supposed to read your disc or file and tell you what software is needed to play it. it refers me to many other pricey ((not free)) software companies.

no bueno.

luckily, there is another troubleshooting option, which is a diagnostic test run directly through the matroska ((mkv)) site ((who i'm assuming is responsible for all this vlc videolan crap)). however, that page no longer exists.

how convenient.

maybe i was right. this dvd would be better off used as coaster.

update: my polar-bear-cub-like-creatures have multiplied and grown hooves and are herding and galloping in the attic.

when will it end?

a while back, the worse half of j and l gave me a copy of i'm not there that is playable in a vcl.

apparently neither my laptop nor ps3 are legit vcl players.

somebody help me out here.

i met up with jxnumbereighty-five and ix for some burgers and beers at cool beans this afternoon. hot topics: mariah carey married nick cannon. ew! the hopeful word is that she's knocked up and just needs someone to attend lamaze classes.

ALSO, a while back, crazy-mary had pressed criminal domestic abuse or assault charges against jxnumbereighty-five. ((which is un-legit, because bitch is crazy)) but even though she is now asking for the charges to be dropped, because they are criminal charges ((not civil)) they cannot be dropped. his options are to plea ((receive a $500 fine and 18 months of probation)) or hire an attorney ((because he doesn't qualify for a court-appointed attorney))

because this is such bullshit, and he's a cocky pre-law bitch, he has decided to represent himself. ((bad idea... so much that the judge admittedly told him that he would be raped in the trial process)) and has four weeks to learn four years of penal codes or go to prison for two years. no bueno.

all because of lying bitches.

don't lose, hun. who else would be here to lecture me on my smoking and drinking and habits of promiscuity?

le sigh.

sometimes i feel that my blog is actually like i'm writing for a magazine, but the only segment i get is the embarassing stories part of TEEN magazine... and all of the stories are mine... and you're going to rank them on a 5-point star scale system depending on whether or not the situation was mortifying or just awkward.



((don't ask))




we have recently obtained yet ANOTHER new roommate! bx, welcome to my blog. last night cx and her sister were trying to work the dvd player to watch friends, but were using the remote for the vcr that bx has recently contributed.




apparently bx forgot to remove his pornography labeled "dci summer music games" from the vcr before setting it up in our living room. we giggled and watched part of it before he got home. ((side note: there was also a segment where he recorded smallville OVER the porn. he should really be analyzing his priorities here))

yes, i called him out on it.




and now for your baseball update that you never cared about hearing:

the twins are cleaning house with sweeps against the chisox and detroit ((fuck yes)) and are securing their number one spot in the alcd and tied for fourth in all of the american league.




homeboy's mom teaches bellydancing and today they had a halfla ((recital)) at an abandoned missile base in denton. it was built to protect the dfw area from russian attacks during the cold war. ((yes, we researched it))

wow.

i want to live on an abandoned cold war missile base.

i'm a loser and forgot my camera, but will be stealing some kickin pictures from homeboy's camera in a few days ((please))

i fed my frogs and they have yet to find two of the crickets and they won't shutup about it. irritating5000.

the og scheduled me 2 days off in a row! i don't know what i'm going to do with myself, especially because everyone's going to be preparing for finals. maybe i'll finally get around to watching i'm not there ((courtesy of the worse half of j and l)) and i'll watch it 8 times and work on memorizing all of it. i think that would be for the best.



((down another 5 lbs. and one week non-smoking... bballa))

major league baseball
american league
central division

#1 twinkies: .517
#2 chi-sox: .500

HOOOUUWWZ IT FEEEEL BEEEEYATCHES?!?!?!!?

((sorry))

my twins beat detroit 11-1 ((fucking right)).

carlos gomez ((my love of the month)) took a ball the face while stealing second. OUCH!

i had a new favorite running route for about 6 hours. there is a loop by my house exactly 3 miles ((how convenient)) but then i found out later that three people saw me running and called me out on it... won't happen again. i'm over it.

so i finished my day of work completely exhausted and hating life.

i don't want to be home, but i'm too exhausted to go out.

((le sigh))

i never looked at that pic very close, i dig it... also does it still define narcissism for you?
--this punk



dear homeboy,
the post was supposed to be sarcastic-dry, not nearly as abrasive as everyone, including you, seemed to take it. the photo only defines narcissism because i like it so much... and because it's the desktop for my laptop... whatever.
love, mengtar

You hold coffee cups with your tits, how can that not be attractive.

dear anonymous,
for the record, it was a dr. pepper for tx.
love, mengtar

mengtar,

this is bx again

you stood me up on the email... what gives? we poopin or what? i have to poop now, and i wish you could watch me.

anywho, with that picture, you have effectively doubled the number of your boobs that i have seen

holla atcha boi some time ok?

your pooping buddy

superdearest bx,
congrats on the boobie doublage. i'm sorry i didn't email you. i actually JUST pooped and for the first time... almost ever... it was a rough one to get out. and like a triple wiper. ew.
love and poop, mengtar

whew, now that that's out of the way... HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEST FRIEND!!!

NACHO SIAM HOUSE!!! ((not funny))

so i met up with homeboy for lunch at siam house. i was greeted by this awesome dude that looked like stephen king minus twenty years ((still older)). he rode the line of being weirdo-central and cooler than balls. he greeted me and cleaned off a booth. post-booth-cleaning he asked "how's this booth?". i thanked him and sat down. then he informed me that it was the perfect booth for a perfect lady. ((hun, i already sat down, you don't have to keep persuading me. i'm already convinced. the motion was appreciated though)) it was pretty fucking good and well priced for my wallet.

after waking up before 9a, i couldn't get back to sleep, so i decided to paint my dollar ivy pot from target. i put on a thousand layers of yellow paint. even though it was 10a, it still didn't feel right painting without a bit to drink. whatever.







damn, looking at pictures, now i KNOW i need a haircut... but i can't really go back to her... how awkward would THAT be?!?

i was feeling a little period crazy and unpredictable this morning so i cancelled on hosting best friend's pirate-ninja birthday party tonight. i didn't want to get too drunk and cause any over-the-phone or in-person confrontations. i felt slightly confrontational this morning.

but once i entered the kitchen, i was greeted by more cuteness in my window.





luckily, best friend quickly replanned a barbecue at mx's place. i was in full attendance after learning there would also be veiwing of LOST! ((fuck yess))







HOWEVER

when i called for directions, mx sliced her hand open while on the phone with me. ((FUCK)) and best friend had to drive her to the emergency room. instead, i drove to jupiter to read for a couple hours to read while mx the trooper got stitched up.

mx has critters.




i finally finished slaughterhouse five. triple hearts for full zelda life... ((loved it)) i started reading player piano ((MORE vonnegutt)) but couldn't focus over all the worker-strikes going on across the street at the courthouse. whatever.

hmmm... other things i did today... per homeboy's recommendation, i went to hobby lobby to check out some picture frames. i got lost... for about ten minutes... i couldn't find the checkout. most. embarrassing. thing.... ever. i swear i had been following the perimeter ((although, i must admit, i got distracted by a few clearance signs along the way...)) but couldn't seem to find it. whatever.

early yesterday, it was decided that homeboy and i would sit down and finally discuss some things that we have been ever-so-wonderfully avoiding... forever.

it wasn't until i received his affirmation that i actually became nervous. i explained the situation to cx at the og. the situation being that though little had changed other than how much sex we'd had in the past couple months, i was becoming very insecure. i went on to tell her that his lack of interest made me feel unattractive.

i bought a new flower pot at target for a dollar. i'm going to paint it and put my ivy in it. ((thanks mom!))

we took a scenic walk from the square through a parking lot with more mail trucks than i have ever seen in my life ((apparently you just have to go to the post office any night... ever...)) and along some drainage ditches to where they hold arts and jazz fest. apparently our walk was a little TOO scenic, as i was wearing flip-flops. i should have been wearing my ATKs. ((all-terrain kicks... you heard it here first))

played on swings and looked at stars and climbed around on a concrete... climbing... thing... whatever.

conclusion: i'm not pretty enough.

i hate that there is such a huge difference in your insecurities between thinking or knowing something in your mind and getting verbal affirmation from someone that close to you.

we grabbed a drink at the abbey inn/boiler room ((which i have heard through a reliable source in the grapevine is claiming bankruptcy soon. maybe it's time to change wednesday's techno night to ugly kid brigade dance poorly night but still go home alone because you're waay too socially awkward to talk to strangers so you'll just stand around in your ugliness and drink too much.)) and ran into some unwanted company.

apparently jollyrancher was waay more excited to see me than i was her ((negative excitement)) and that was noted in the way that she would not stop touching my arm and grabbing my shoulder and repeating her vomit story five times. homeboy was standing within arms-reach and could have swung in for a prime save, but he was too busy chatting it up with the pretty girl that can also dress better than me... thanks.

we came back to my place and i pretended to watch a horrible movie while he tried to form the words to justify himself. it was a pretty good scene, i wish you could have been there.



((not attractive))