sometimes i'm not sure if i'm angrier at the things you do or that i've wasted all this time continually offering my forgiveness.



"with piercing eyes, you demand of me my reasons"

boiler room.

11pm.

kill for the kingdom.

with bells on, fuckers.

the quick newspaper has been reformatted and will now only be distributed weekly... and with no crossword puzzle, sudoku, or horoscopes.

this will be a true test of my ability to make it through sociology lectures.

after class, i stepped outside for a smoke and was greeted by a, "hey, girly. cute hair. you look nice today"

what the fuck? that was obviously not for me. a typical greeting for me would be, deathenator, suhh-luht, or playgirl... and usually done by mAx with a compliment that doesn't extend past how my titties look in whatever shirt i decided to pick off the floor that doesn't smell like a bar.

i turn from my crossword search to see the cute pretentious guy from sociology class looking over my shoulder.

((quick, mengtar, don't fuck this up))

mengtar said:

hey... uh... they changed it and there's no crossword and i can't know if i do class now... ((what just came out of my mouth?))

cutesociologydudex said:

heh... well we'll just have to find some other way to entertain ourselves.

mengtar said:

((awkward long pause. this is our first conversation that isn't about his car or lecture-sarcasm)) i guess. but crossword books just aren't the same. ((which actually came out with a stutter, in butchered sentence structure, and possibly some made-up words... i'm pretty smooth around cute boys.))

cutesociologydudex said:

well, i guess i'll see you tuesday.

mengtar said:

my friends' band plays tonight if you want to see them? there's a drag show, you see, and...

((receive a decently perplexed look))

mengtar continues:

nevermind. tuesday.

((welcome to awkward moments with mengtar))

tomorrow:

kill for the kingdom show.

come to boiler room tomorrow at 11 to check my friends rock ((or not, who knows)).



also, best wishes to my pablitox in the hospital. ((sad panda))

sweating out all those alcohol and cigarette toxins is more painful and smelly than i had previously imagined. next time i won't wait three days between showers.

done and done.

tuesday's drink to a rage night was decently disappointing. it ended up being more like tuesday's roam around denton with drinks in your hand looking for something to do night.

however, i did meet a schwasted kid that put a weed in my hair...

schwastedkidx said:

wait, wait, wait! stop.

mengtar said:

yes?

schwastedkidx said:

do you like guys or girls?

mengtar said:

uh... guys?

schwastedkidx said:

oh... well, good luck with that.


was he hoping to hook up with a lesbian last night?

patiently, he watches as she takes a leap into the deep end.

new game plan... again...

instead of eating... ever... i'll just put all of those funds and effort towards not eating and photo shoots with merkley??? when i go out to cali.

and then give them to px.

but i can still spend money on coffee from jupiter house, wine, liquor, and cigarettes... and the import beer of the night on tuesdays at lou's... and maybe the occasional bran muffin...

but that's it!

and i mean business!

((balls))

i bet if i consumed half as much water as i consume red wine, tonight's run would have been half as painful...

i'm not sure if that sentence is properly structured or if it means i should consume more water or less wine.

i'm over it.

px, you will be HAPPY to know that a ROAD TRIP is being planned to visit SO-CAL so i can see a CERTAIN SOMEONE!!!! i'll keep you updated if you stop being a little cunt about not sending you nudie photos. ((love you))

also... if anyone catches any sweet camera deals/sales/whathaveyous be sure to let me know so i can send some nudie photos to a certain little cunt. ((still love you))

also, let's reminisce.










((i miss pictures))

gaymanagerx said:

UGH! i hate that smell.

mengtar said:

clams? i think that's why we both like boys.

((get over yourself))

UGH! it won't automatically re-size the images like it always does.

fucking need a new layout.

whatever. it's almost time for soccer and i'm still feeling that wine from earlier...

entonces bebemos muchas coronas!

((FUCK! i need a functioning camera again))

i left my phone at homeboy's yesterday which was particularly devestating, as it was momx's bday and jxsx flew down from eau claire.

no panic, as i was under the assumption that it would have been returned to me prior to 3ish am when i found it on the futon... was angry. no longer. whatever.



had some wine and sandwiches with jxsx and was updated on all the juicy gossip of everyone hating and sleeping with everone.

i forgot to close my bar tab at andy's on drunken tuesday, as i was preoccupied with my escape from stalker boilerjx.

last night i returned to close my tab... and ONLY close my tab...

mengtar said:

hi, i just need to close a tab from the other night.

door guy said:

that's cool. wait... you're the minnesota girl, right?

mengtar said:

yes.

door guy said:

because this band is from minneapolis.

mengtar said:

badass! let's do it!



((couple drinks later... i suck at this sobriety thing))

the band was pictures of then. kind of an indie rock band i guess. ballers regardless.

i approached a band member after their set to show support and such... that was a lie. it was because they were all cute and i wanted to brag about also being from the great white north. don't judge me.

long story short... that was another lie... it's going to be closer to a drunken story recollection rather than a synopsis...



chilled with keyboardist minnesotatx for quite a bit. he drinks miller lite ((ew)) but has exceptionally soft hair.

turns out he has an uncle in fort worth that he was hoping to spend time with, but the band was about to make the trek back home.



umm... let's party?

done.

((i'm so hospi))



also, i think i joined a band.

day two of sobriety:

ew.

looking at her own reflection she acknowledges no cracks. slightly distorted, she can still see through the haze to the strength and stability only interrupted by poor judgement.

she scoffs at your statement and turns only to notice pieces of everything chipping away.

((i should have stopped sooner))

a spectre is haunting europe...

after the events of this week and the atrocity of last night...

it is now sober time.

((sorry))

((please don't bomb me))

Nov 20, 2008
Depart: 5:35 AM
Arrive: 7:57 AM
Duration: 2 hr 22 min Northwest Airlines 410
Dallas/Fort Worth, TX (DFW)
Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN (MSP)Equipment: A319

Meal: Food for purchase
Approx. flight miles: 853
Seat(s): 13-A
Booking class: K /Coach
Fare basis code: KR0QNX Time between flights: 2 hr 8 min Nov 20, 2008
Depart: 10:05 AM
Arrive: 11:27 AM
Duration: 1 hr 22 min Northwest Airlines 134
Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN (MSP)
Chicago, IL (ORD)Equipment: DC9-50

Meal: None
Approx. flight miles: 344
Seat(s): 20-A
Booking class: K /Coach
Fare basis code: KR0QNX
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nov 23, 2008
Depart: 2:45 PM
Arrive: 4:17 PM
Duration: 1 hr 32 min Northwest Airlines 135
Chicago, IL (ORD)
Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN (MSP)Equipment: DC9-30

Meal: None
Approx. flight miles: 344
Seat(s): 14-A
Booking class: K /Coach
Fare basis code: KR0QNX Time between flights: 0 hr 53 min Nov 23, 2008
Depart: 5:10 PM
Arrive: 7:44 PM
Duration: 2 hr 34 min Northwest Airlines 407
Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN (MSP)
Dallas/Fort Worth, TX (DFW)Equipment: A319

Meal: Food for purchase
Approx. flight miles: 853
Seat(s): 17-A
Booking class: K /Coach
Fare basis code: KR0QNX

and now for more awkward...

i grabbed a drink at lou's with boilerroomjx last night. ((UGH! why did i have to double check his loser status? sorry, you've been deleted...)) but it turns out he's into shooting things and watches the military history channel. he's basically my old roommate minus 150lbs.

and of course it wouldn't be awkward enough unless russiantx ((the abortion dude)) was there as well. but he was soo planning on just not talking to me and avoiding eye contact for a good portion of the evening((which i'm pretty sure... yes... yes, that IS my role)) until his other russian friend that i met pointed me out and waved. his friend was all about us hooking up.

but he stopped me at the smoke machine later and apologized for being crazy ((legit)) but he doesn't want to hang out because he's getting back together with the abortee ex-girlfriend and whatever.

how do i attract these crazies? even my one night stands are crazies. how about just not calling afterwards and keeping all of your crazy inside? fucking balls.

it's comforting to know that we only PRETEND to be related...

so let's jump right in, shall we?

saturday night i hung out with russiantx. drinking and pool at lou's. good time. whatever.

got hit on by the hottest lesbian that i have ever been hit on by... fuck. she was gorgeous. if i'd hit it, it would have made my night slightly calmer than it actually ended.

went home with russian tx.

had sex.

whatever.

post-sex... about three minutes...

mengtar said:

tell me something i don't know about you. ((a standard question that would typically trigger a response along the lines of "my brother is a vet" or "my favorite shape is the horse-shoe"))

russiantx said:

three months ago i paid for the abortion of my first child.

whoa whoa whoa... what?!?!?

yes. that happened.

((dueces))

in celebration of surviving crazy-awkward night from hell, i got high and shared some wine with junkiecx. great times were had...

also, there is this...



((boxwine, fuckers))

and how did i forget these gems?!?












((i miss you))

oh yeah! pictures!



oh, look! you had hair once! how adorable... but the short is waay cooler because then strangers don't talk to you in public because they're afraid you're going to cut throats. wait... what's on your shirt?



OHH... they SUCK! well that's nice... and is that a 1991 homer hanky on your arm? classy.



also, i am the culinary master of brooklake street.



((master))

banter.

11ish.

bballamike.

just because i'll pretend it never happened, doesn't mean i don't want to do it again...

so apparently strip club night has been rained out...

?

exactly.

something about impaired driving in the rain from dallas after drinking free cocktails being a bad idea? whatever.

so i guess it's just going to be the regular ol denton bar hop.

in sociology, this dude that i've never even seen before decided to give me the "good afternoon" routine. i didn't buy it. and by i didn't buy it... i actually mean i freaked out and stared at him for 8 seconds before blurt-shouting "HI-WHAT!?"

which brings me to shoe-shopping...

i drove around denton looking for athletic stores that would sell indoor soccer shoes...

apparently everything on my side of town closes at 7.30p unless you serve food or alcohol.

so i had to drive to the loop to check out sports authority and the mall stores. sa had men's indoor shoes, but they were a no-go.

back to sociology "HI-WHAT!?" guy...

i ran into him on my way out of sa.

sociology guy said:

hey, mengtar, what are you doing here?

mengtar said:

.... uhh... they don't have the right shoes. i'm leaving now.

and walked out... he's pretty cute... and probably thinks i'm a sociopath.

great.

and i was too anxious that more strangers might approach me in the mall with free samples of all-natural hand lotion that smells like spring mists after mountain rain blooms so i'm saving that one for tomorrow.

where's mAx? i should be drinking...

i've been home for twenty minutes and have already pooped and peed TWICE!

and we're not talking about that trickle-peeing like when you have a urinary tract infection... these have been healthy-portioned bowel movements.

UGH! every period is like i'm 14 all over again.

but i have to run so i have time to eat and shower and then drink an import and then get some close-encounters with titties and possibly some venereal diseases with the boys.

SWEET!

art6 is out of the question.

mAx suprised me with some VIP passes to the clubhouse ((strip club, i guess)).

can. not. wait.

after import glass night at lou's, of course.

soccer shoes can wait until manana.

also, i'm still trying to get the balls to go to art6 for coffee and studying. i feel like i should at least experience it ((as a local coffeeshop connoisseur)). but new places means new strangers... and maybe these strangers are even more awkward and talkative-at-strangers than jupiter house.

what if someone shows me pictures of their kids or asks how my days has been or inquires about the weather?

if that happens, i might cry.

happy soccer shoe day!

i went outside for my breakfast cigarette and was startled by some distant screams and cheers. i'm not sure if there's an event in my hood or if my elderly neighbors have their tv on practically-deaf-mode.

i do live near a church... has anyone heard if jesus came back again? he would be an early riser. i googled it and TIME magazine is suggesting jesus IS back and she's chinese... that shit wouldn't fly in texas.

whatever.

so my crotch is bleeding again. fucking great. at least it happened before soccer day.

i think my judgement is slipping. after the past couple weeks i guess i had figured that we could start sleeping together again. or ((gasp)) maybe that he even wanted to! i don't take rejection well.

i kind of just want to stay in bed looking pathetic all day. when did that become so socially unacceptable? skip class and meals and just lie around blogging all day?

((le sigh))

so i totally though mrnvisible was bballamike...

my apologies, sir, i have been mistaken. but welcome, and feel free to continue not commenting on my blog.

in other news... newroommaterx and i are going to move in together after kx sells the house. yay for not being homeless!

also, he took a picture of me sleeping and it totally looks like i'm smelling my armpit... one day my ego will shrink enough to show you.

gas is $2.75 and they repainted the sac-n-$ave sign. how could we possibly be in a recession?

also, i had never noticed, but the fixtures above the sushi bar at mr. chopstix don't have light bulbs. hippie conservation 1001.

i cleaned my room and changed my sheets and ran TWICE and fed wellington also... this is how bad i don't want to be studying...

i can't wait for this week to just hurry up and fail.

tomorrow i will buy soccer shoes.

((yes!!))

also, our jerseys are PINK! sweet.

i watched two online video soccer tutorials.

now i just have to become a pro by friday.

whatever.

i might pass out before the end of this cowboys game.

last night should have been sober night.

((thanks))

maybe i'll just spend my holidays in NY alone.



eating pizza.

lots of pizza.

a half hour and a bottle of wine later...

pasta bowl time.

not a happy mengtar.

when working togos at the olive garden, typically 3-4 people have access to the drawer that i take full responsibility for... not the fairest system.

so i got fucked out of some "mishandled" money tonight... about sixty dollars worth... so while i should have walked out with ninety, i have thirty.

do you know how many large hawaiian macadamia nut coffees and bran muffins from jupiter house that is?!?

a lot.

((14.1176))

over a month of caffeine and overly-regular bowel movements. ((but they're soo good!))

it's whatever.

i'm super-questioning faux-giving in chicago this year. i'm not sure if it'd be a better investment to rock it or actually spend christmas with my family. there's no way i can afford both.

when the fuck am i going to pay off my car?

or afford next semester's tuition?

i ran into my favorite crashsite drummer last night. ((swoon)) he apparently just lost his job at kroger for a misweighed salad.

at least i can still steal all the salads i want.

but he will be joining us tuesday for lou's import glass night. excellent.

i'm unable to subdue my drinking habits. even in financially difficult periods, i would let it consume ninety per cent of my budget.

now i even drink alone sometimes.

i haven't decided if i'm a functioning alcoholic, or just an alcoholic.

don't fuck this up again, america.

((thanks, wx))

during tonight's debate:

drink every time mccain says, "my friends"

drink every time obama says, "time for change"

i should have bought more wine.

also, phil elliot, you are not kevin bacon. sit down.

i came home between classes today in leiu of the bar or jupiter.

i've been drinking waay too much lately and don't remember the last time i drove myself home. i think sober week is quickly approaching, but it will have to wait until after i drink with chutley, who is home from the marine corps until the 13th. stay tuned.

i'm still feeling this morning's coffee.

but it worked for the best, because i get to watch my dog eat bugs off the floor AND i rediscovered my bag of asian medley steamer vegetables and they are AMAZING.

i think this month's diet fad will be coffee, fruits, vegetables, and hotdogs.

i love it when my diets fail, because they usually end at the junction of emotional instability and cx's enchiladas.

her enchiladas are epic.

also, i can't wait for my sociology class so i can get my rock-star paper back from last week AND place my bets with the pretentious jokester that sits in front of me on how many times our teacher will use the word "irregardless" during class.

this week i vote 6.

also, i have no idea what that means.

events tonight.

words in which i cannot even respond even respond.

not tonight.

drinking should have been either more or less abundance.

sometimes you just need something more solid.

i'll try again in the morning.

then never again.

turboencabulator.

that is all.

did i mention we're not friends?

i don't remember the last time i shampooed my hair and i'm making a pizza at 9am.

whatever.

join me this evening ((before the obnoxious kids come out to play)) on fry street for oktoberfest!

$13ish dollars for free food and a tshirt and a beer stein! $3ish refills all night on oktoberfest brews.

((with bells on))

so i've been eating bran muffins for a while now. i really like them. and pooping.

so i was pooping at work. in the handicapped stall, because it's roomier. i like to refer to it as the luxury stall.

and i'm mid-poop when i hear a mom and her kid walk in.

and i notice that i didn't lock the door.

and the door is out of reach.

and i didn't want anything to drip inside my pants because... ew.

i panicked.

luckily, they picked the two other stalls.

also, i need soccer shoes. and a nap.

i hope i have time to make hotdogs for breakfast before i go to work... maybe i just won't shower...

i'm running hardcore again to get ready for soccer.

also, i'm on a soccer team... i was plannig on learning from my favorite italian, but i guess he has mono. ew. anyone that knows how to play soccer should come teach me, as i have no idea what i've gotten myself into.

quiero jugar futbol!

in other news, i gave this 50 year old australian dude a ride back to his hotel last night and was propositioned $200 to come upstairs. wow.

((no))

hotdogs!

jesus fucking christ!

after all that shit you fed me, i'm practically throwing myself at you! what the fuck is your deal!?!?

ugh!

((another one bites the dust))