the blue man group concert last night was incredible. sx got us rockstar seats.

dj mike relm opened and he was great. makes me feel bad for giving jx so much shit for listening to that music... because wow. i was blown away.

this month, just like every other month is going to be the month of making money and thinking about myself. i have two hospital bills, both over $200, i owe $250 for taxes, rent is due at $435, and i need to get me some car insurance. i better have a shit-ton of hours at work when i get home on monday.

jx called and told me that his winterline is pretty hot for an extra marimbist to make it out to dayton for wgi finals. i would probably be able to do it for free. fucking bills. this sucks. i miss performing, especially now that i'm not getting a music degree and i'm already aged out of drum corps. it just feels more final. i'll still be able to compete in wgi next year, but i was hoping to really settle into a university by then and focus on my degree. whatever. i miss just focusing on fun.

after the show sx and momx and i went to the liffey. we got krunk as the ballers would have you told. we talked to our neighbors and they bought us many drinks.

i like dadx's cornbread more than my roommate's cornbread... but he did fix my toilet... i feel so torn.

i miss jx.

i drank a lot at rumors last night. i played pool with two guys i went to highschool with but don't remember. i was drunk. i lost. whatever.

hx sent me this photo this morning. it made me giggle uncontrollably.

i'm going to blue man group tonight at the excel with sx and momx. hopefully there will be pictures.

photography wasn't allowed at the bob dylan exhibit. however, it was amazing. and i finally saw the ever-so-famous chicken painting that no one shuts up about. and it was equally awesome to the standard everyone said it was at, unlike the movie 300. i forgive you.

i'm still in fucking minnesota, and sorry nx, i won't be making it down to eau claire, even thought your brox could give me a ride. i'm just chillin up here. too much shit planned for the weekend... like drinking with my mom. yeah. shutup.

i do want to get back to texas soon though, i miss it. didn't think i would... at all... but i do. fuck.

so jx wants to work on shit now, and that's great. i mean, that's exactly what i've wanted this whole time and i feel incredible about it. however, as of recently, he has also taken all photos of me off his myspace and updated his relationship status from in a relationship to swinger. now, i know that he talks to random girls online. and i know that it's probably quite inappropriate. however, this just hurts too much and is all too real. if we're going back to being boyfriend/girlfriend then this shit is seriously going to have to stop.

i had the guts to call him last night long after he had gone to bed. now i'm afraid that if i called him that i would chicken out. i would say it to his face. maybe it's best if i just wait until i get back to texas. it just worries me what he's going to do in the meantime.

in other news, minnesota is as minnesota as ever. 80 when i got here. 50 the next day. fucking minnesota.

tomorrow i will make it out to the bob dylan exhibit at the weisman art museum. fucking right. pictures aplenty. also, if anyone would like to join me, leave me a message or call the cell.

also drinking tonight in celebration of the birthday of the guy that points at things that my sister fucks in the mornings. go lx. hit that shit.

jx, don't hit that shit.

i'm going home on monday. i'll be there for a week. i really need it.

my contacts were foggy all day. i just took them out and put on my glasses. it made me very angry that the first thing i saw in vivid color was my ugly bathroom wallpaper.

my mom is volunteering to take time off work and help tear it down and repaint parts of the house. that would be the best. my mom is the best.

wow, this wasn't supposed to be an emo blog, and it definitely wasn't meant to be my crysite for everything wrong with jx and i, although it does help that he doesn't know it's here and can't read it.... so onto other things...

actually not.

one of his longtime friends is having her 21st bday party down in dallas tonight. and even though she claims that we're going to be friends no matter what, i was uninvited. i didn't receive an unvitation. but its pretty obvious when she discusses it with jx in front of me in whisper tones. not cool. just say we're not friends. there's too much shit going on for you to be like this. it's expected, but that's exactly why she be faking around me. i haven't decided if i will fake back or give her stink-eye next time i see her.

NOW onto other things.

i have to find car insurance this week. i hate not having money. i also don't have a mattress. well.. other shit that i just said im not talking about has to be dealt with before i decide what the deal is with a mattress... but whatever.

in other news, sx was here and it was great. nothing like sisters in towns. lot of fun. lot of drinking. lot of partying.

i saw 300. wasn't that impressed, actually. i mean, it takes a lot for me to enjoy a battle/war movie, and i did enjoy it. but i guess there was too much hype.

hype the dick suck.

((every time jx says that, i hate it and love it at the same time.))

i'm glad that my friends are here for me and all, but seriously, i don't want to hear about how i should just forget about this shit and start looking at my other options. when this is over, it will be over. if it even ever will be over. but until then, i'm not giving up.

fully appreciate... but seriously.

never have i felt life to be so hopeless. jx still feels that extended time apart is the only solution. each time we discuss it, his solutions seem more harsh. last night was the first time he admitted that he would probably want to see other people. funny, because the only reason he's claiming to be leaving me is so he can find himself, by himself. that's why i can't be there. wouldn't seeing other people kind of defeat the purpose? he may be going to school out-of-state for fall semester, which will turn into the whole year, and probably the next four. he wants me to go back home.

this would be much easier if he was an asshole.

i had to pick up a shift at work tonight, sacrificing our one chance at having dinner together this week because i can no longer be trapped in my own head by myself today. it's driving me crazy and i feel extremely irrational.

i have been getting closer to the people i work with and we hung out and partied a lot every night from thursday- monday last weekend. another tonight. it helps get my mind off everything, and could make it easier once jx leaves to figure out his shit wherever he decides to go. i would be here for him whenever he comes back. their good to me...

word. this is the new shit.