early yesterday, it was decided that homeboy and i would sit down and finally discuss some things that we have been ever-so-wonderfully avoiding... forever.

it wasn't until i received his affirmation that i actually became nervous. i explained the situation to cx at the og. the situation being that though little had changed other than how much sex we'd had in the past couple months, i was becoming very insecure. i went on to tell her that his lack of interest made me feel unattractive.

i bought a new flower pot at target for a dollar. i'm going to paint it and put my ivy in it. ((thanks mom!))

we took a scenic walk from the square through a parking lot with more mail trucks than i have ever seen in my life ((apparently you just have to go to the post office any night... ever...)) and along some drainage ditches to where they hold arts and jazz fest. apparently our walk was a little TOO scenic, as i was wearing flip-flops. i should have been wearing my ATKs. ((all-terrain kicks... you heard it here first))

played on swings and looked at stars and climbed around on a concrete... climbing... thing... whatever.

conclusion: i'm not pretty enough.

i hate that there is such a huge difference in your insecurities between thinking or knowing something in your mind and getting verbal affirmation from someone that close to you.

we grabbed a drink at the abbey inn/boiler room ((which i have heard through a reliable source in the grapevine is claiming bankruptcy soon. maybe it's time to change wednesday's techno night to ugly kid brigade dance poorly night but still go home alone because you're waay too socially awkward to talk to strangers so you'll just stand around in your ugliness and drink too much.)) and ran into some unwanted company.

apparently jollyrancher was waay more excited to see me than i was her ((negative excitement)) and that was noted in the way that she would not stop touching my arm and grabbing my shoulder and repeating her vomit story five times. homeboy was standing within arms-reach and could have swung in for a prime save, but he was too busy chatting it up with the pretty girl that can also dress better than me... thanks.

we came back to my place and i pretended to watch a horrible movie while he tried to form the words to justify himself. it was a pretty good scene, i wish you could have been there.



((not attractive))