TWO years ago today:

I watched Dr. Phil at my other job today. He had on girls that were self-proclaimed bitches. This one girl was explaining to Dr. Phil how to be a bitch. This is how you be a bitch:

1: Have blond hair. ((no joke, she said that brunettes aren't bitches. just blondes.))
2: Don't move for people. ((like when you're walking down a sidewalk or a narrow hallway, walk in the middle and then bump peoples shoulders and call them a bitch or a whore))
3: If you're waiting in line at a store for more than one full minute, just leave. Leave your cart in the line, and just walk out of the store.
4: Drive a nice car.
5: Destress with a bubble bath. ((because being a bitch is hard work))

Then Dr. Phil asked her what tragic event made her be this way. She got two words into her story and she started crying. The top of my how to be a bitch would be "don't cry... ever" because to be a bitch, you have to be a badass. Get some fucking balls woman!