so nights like this when i'm in the mood for nothing ((not even whiskey or cigarettes)) are when i start thinking... what if i just went home... am i conditioned for a 15-hour drive? would i miss this place? what about toronto?

i can't stay here forever. and i have the feeling that when my time comes, it will just be over. little packing. no peaces or dueces.

i even doubt i'd be better off elsewhere. maybe because i have moved to a different state for the past four years. maybe denton just feels too familiar. this stagnance is making me ill.

don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't enjoy my time here. i have the best friends that do great things for me and that i would do about anything for. they buy me drinks and mattresses and kick out exes and give me hugs and listen when i need it. but sometimes i feel the reason i haven't left is because it would be too hard to say goodbye.

maybe i just need a vacation home. maybe because homeboy is running off to visit friends in cities that i'm missing people the most. ((chicago and baton rouge))

i hope staying here another year isn't a mistake.

maybe i just need to get out of this airport and into this wheelchair, i've got better things to do than looking at you...