omg. my last night in st. cloud is being spent drinking rum with my mom and kittens and watching the muppet movie.

i'm two minutes in and i had forgotten how many great zingers are in this movie. i can't wait to take it home and watch it every other day and memorize it and use all the good ones against homeboy.

nathan blew it in the bottom of the 9th. they should have pulled him immediately. instead, we fell 2-3 to the athletics shortly after the chisox fell 2-8 to boston... putting us a half game back... still... fuck you.

and being 3.5 games behind boston for the wild card slot, we can't afford to be making these mistakes.

((i'm going to go cry myself to sleep until fair day tomorrow))

and then there was hibbing...

ate their ((city)) famous tuffy burgers!




i went to an undwear party with my mother and her sisters ((old)) and their friends ((super old)) and had to pretend i wasn't a perv so be super dry in sarcasm and blame a lot on other people... if we've spoken, you know how that works.



also, my uncle owns the fattest dog ever. maybe his diet of spaghetti and meatballs and whole milk has something to do with it?





across the street is a childrens' playground. when i was a li'l one, i thought my uncle was famous, because he had poured the concrete sidewalks of the park. i think about how nice it is to have a famous uncle every time i visit this park.



raise your hand if you know what this means?




on my return from hibbing, i saved a turtle. i was awarded a metal by the truck that drove by thinking the reason i was laying in the street was because i was hit by a car and not to photograph reptiles...



i forgot to zoom out... whatever.




pandora's box erotic sex toys and lifestyle's condoms and tampax tampons. $.75 each. i usually expect the quality of my sex toys to be greater than that of my gas station tampons...





passoutlor because dadx signed me up to fail at donating blood in the morning. thanks.

it's a sad day when home stops feeling like home.

our kitten population has tripled since the last time i was home, and sauk rapids looks waay less trashy. my dad gave me his funmobile for the city tour.




and since st. cloud is made of granite and drunks, they put big blocks all over town... for... looking... and sitting? sure. classy.



AND BIG BURGERS!






road closed?



pheh.




granite surplus storage?



i had an intimate meeting with the mississippi. i put my feet in the river and almost cried... UGH!!! i'm such a girl.









and then there was sporty's. smartass gifted me some free beer coupons ((yes, they have those)) that he had won playing poker.




dad wants wings. to be continued.

last night was minneapolis night and it's totally scarf weather.



hibbing's not going to know what hit 'em.

welcome to minnesota. land of smelly lakes and kittens and quality brew and screened in porches... and kittens.





yes, you're cute. but i don't want to play and you're not a great typist!




good night cats!

oh yeah, and i totally went on a 12 lb. chicken scampi and cheesecake and beer binge there for a while, but that's over. welcome back to 158. and i'm going to keep on the running thing in minnesota, but if i come back any more than 160, i'm going to lie down on some railroad tracks.

you're laughing, i'm not laughing.

welcome to blog number 666. my last texas broadcast... for the rest of the month.

i've become bored with this, and i can tell you're also unamused with the tedium. i'm not sure if i should be looking forward to us both moving on or be excited to see you again upon my return.

i forced myself to go out and pretend to enjoy myself this afternoon even though i was feeling far too introverted for any sort of usual banter.

i went home to calm myself with a shitty movie and laundry so i could start again later with the renewed attitude of a housewife that lacks cinematic taste.

and i get bailed on again.

the original bail was my airport ride. and now i have to decide between sitting at the airport from 8a until my flight leaves at 3p and parking my car in the remote lot and paying over $50 in parking...

i have apparently been un-bailed on... but i already have a shitty attitude again so i hope YOURE FUCKING HAPPY ABOUT IT!

((le sigh))

hey, minnesota, take your daughter back. it's clear she needs your care.

also, after watching DEATH RACE at the movie tavern ((tropic thunder was sold out, but totally worth it for the whole action-so-ridiculous-it's-comical thing. and seeing a naked jason stathom wasn't so bad either.)) i made my way to visit with wx over more beers. wx is a football guy, but was in drumline his first year of highschool.

but here's the exciting part...

wx said:

yeah, our instructor was really nice, but he was a fucking perfectionist. we could play the greatest rep and he would still find something wrong with it. pipitone.

mengtar said:

what?? pipitone?!

wx said:

yeah?



mengtar said:

jj pipitone? THE jj pipitone?!?

wx said:

you know him?



((i called buctrose immediately))

it's been forever and i have zero photos to show for it.

i'm over it.

in recent amazings, the twins have found their way back to a half game above the chisox.

ultra-vintage-emo-kidx from jupiter house is now one of my new roommates! sweet! there is now an even ratio of people i can tolerate versus people i want to curb stomp in the house... if i include myself to improve the ratio in my favor...

happy minnesota day tomorrow!

((when should i get my new tat?))

i think i need to change my panties...

i think i'm going to move into a bistro...

i wonder how much they would charge for rent if i just sat at a table and drank beer and ate pretty sandwiches and used wifi all day. i'd blog more.

anyway, i finally ate at banter... and it was amazing.




so amazing that we had to make our own faux-bistro meals the next day and mine was just as pretty but his salad was pretty ugly. we can't all be amazing.



also, somebody was totally failing bra patrol...



and fat-face patrol.



ten lbs. of red bell peppers and $105 later, anyone wanting jambalaya tonight will have to venture outside of denton. pwned.



also, i played no part in this... but i gave encouraging laughter and flash photography as i drove by... also, that's totally kahled!!! ((sorry, bro))





mocha shake with peanut butter + lactose intolerance = nap time!



it was haircut night again and i opted for drinking and a diy. but check out that wicked cowlick and amazing chop i made into my hairline.... sad panda...




also, mondays are officially paul slavens night at dan's silver leaf... starting... now.