what do you wear to a guy's house that you're about to turn down for sex?

le sigh...

dear homeboy,
thank you for continuing to be ultra-receptive to my bi-monthly apologies of being a stubborn, overreacting drunken bitch.
love, mengtar.

another night of sorts brought to you by the fantastically stubborn mind of drunklor mengtar. special note: the photos are not from last night and in no way correlate with the story. i will also have you know that it was not my camera and i have no idea to work the settings. get over yourself.

a great night was had at the boiler room in celebration of bballamike's birthday. i helped decorate the cake, and i also accepted free shots.

per usual, after too many drinks ((too few of them being whiskey)) i decided that i was angry ((for probably no reason)). if i am drunk and angry ((again, for probably no reason)), i also usually decide to direct my drunklor anger at homeboy. he's a good sport about it.

i knew that i couldn't drive my prettymobile home, but also refused to get a ride from homeboy. or anyone else, because those people were suggested by homeboy so i was mad ((for probably no reason)) at them by association.







therefore, i'm walking. i live about 4 miles from the square. i'm okay with this.

i start walking home and everyone is calling and texting and apparently made it into a huge ordeal. i pretty much stopped caring.

also, i was cute, but wasn't about to get raped. it looked like i had at least three concealed weapons.

i peed behind a bank. classy.

i angry-walked for a good hour or so with an exceptional level of sass. those hips were dangerous. it was around 3 that i realized that i had no idea where i was.

i got lost.

in denton.

i had been walking and turning, so sure i was homebound, but not stopping to think which way home was. i turned a corner and looked up to see a glowing refuge of familiarity. the wells fargo sign. wait... i'm still on the square!!!

i was defeated and sobering up. i walked back to my car and drove home.

but it doesn't end there. of course not.







homeboy calls to affirm my safety. i'm sober enough to drive, but i'm not sober enough to be rational. that doesn't come until the following afternoon... usually after a stop at jupiter house.

i got home around 4am and decided to discontinue our friendship... again. this usually happens about once a month... and lasts until the following afternoon... usually after a stop at jupiter house.

in true hangoverlor mengtar fashion, i stumbled up to jupiter house this afternoon. i was walking behind four old men and got some catcalls from big momma and little daddy as they drove by. they all turned around to look at me. "it's okay, they're gay." they were not amused.

the radio made me feel angry, so i held imaginary, yet ultra-cool conversations with myself in my car and spilled coffee down my shirt.

i'm the coolest person you know.

so after the last month of not paying attention to any dci scores, i finally took a look...

bd broke 80 and is leading in drums by over a half point.
madison is tied ((for last)) with troopers.
pacific crest is in the top twelve.
blue stars are in the top twelve, and a tenth above academy.

whatthefuck2008

also, happy birthday bballamike!



((come here))

welcome, visitor 5,001. i appreciate your business.

so this new kid at the og has a metal band looking for a singer... and homeboy happens to be a singer looking for a metal band...

last night was said metal band's drummer's birthday party, so kid from work thought it would be a great opportunity to meet homeboy and kind of get a feel for his level of interest and whatnot. whatever, i just wanted to drink.

homeboy couldn't make it. i still wanted to drink.

luckily, i left work in a great mood and actually felt alright about venturing to a party where i only knew one person and knowing that i would have to talk to strangers.

i showed up at the party. kid from work was wearing a polo shirt. fuck. i hate polo shirts. mostly, i hate the type of people that wear polo shirts. his collar was not popped, so i didn't want to be too judgemental. i let it slide. it was for the best.

i met some really interesting people and they dug my shit, which means they understood that i was waay cooler than everyone else there.

made some friends, whatever.

no. not whatever. i was happy about it.

several hours later, homeboy showed up... in a polo shirt. ((what the fuck, was he trying to blow my cover?)) but he also does not pop his collar, so i let it slide again. but it turns out he has known all these kids that i've been chatting up all night since grade two.

i just can't have my own thing when this kid is around!! he has to win everyone over with his cuteness and personality and polo shirts. whatever.

after kid from work's party, we went to yetanotherjx's after party where he continued to talk shit about my polo-wearing-homeboy in a wickedly upsetting attempt to get me in bed. although the late-night text of "nice boobs. i want them" almost won me over...

also, i kicked ass in drunken bones. i do believe i'm undefeated... but i drink a lot.

i did not wake up sober.

check the bottom of the page.

158, bitches.

also, mengtar is officially done with handjobs...

forever.

i took the focus back to the ford dealership per norm's request to get it re-inspected. ((and a full tank of gass))

upon my arrival, all of the 60-something car salesmen were standing around watching nascar highlights. woohoo. something in my faux-hawk and ultra-big sunglasses showed that i was not a nascar fan, and they offered to change the channel. there was a huge sigh of relief when i requested cnn.

clinton and obama were campaigning in unity, new hampshire. this triggered political debates between pro-obama faux-hawk yankee girl vs. near-retirement texan-republican car salesmen. mostly just the rise in taxes vs. the fall of the american dollar. oldschool republicans are so silly.

post-debate i stepped outside for a smoke and was joined by smirking norm, my car salesman. he admitted to being an obama fan. haha

we started talking about music. and as it turns out, he used to be a member of the marquettes. 70's surf music predating the beach boys.

he then continued to talk about other musicians in his family, including his nephew playing similar music out of chatanooga, tennessee. as a matter of fact, he was just in town several months ago, playing in denton...

BAND LE GRAND!

hot damn.

smallworldcentral5000.

get ready for major league baseball's interleague play intra-city weekend!

yankees vs. mets
white sox vs. cubs
angels vs. dodgers
athletics vs. giants

attempts to control the excitement in your pants are futile.

i think i need a new hobby...

scotch or martinis?

one day i will get a camera and show pictures of my amazing car and exceptionally cute hair.

until then...

so last night was pumpkin head's last night in texas. hit up hooligans ((where i still can't drink until i get my ID back... bitches)) and then to andy's to watch bballamike sing. he did a great job until some drunk non-friend decided to try singing with him. i'd have taken a great video of non-friend trying to sing and knowing he wasn't good so he turned the microphone away during all of the high barely in range screamy parts. also, he was bad.

i tried to find my pumpkin afterwards but he had left for ihop. i had every intention of joining him, but ran into the original ax and was swept away by the idea of another round of ((free)) drinks at boiler room.

the original ax said:

so are do you want to come over tonight?

mengtar said:

no, i have to go home.

the original ax said:

come on, you know you want this...

mengtar said:

well... my crotch is still exploding. ((lie))

the original ax said:

i have a shower.

mengtar said:

ew. ((not a lie))

meanwhile, homeboy is standing three feet away. it's always pretty awkward being propositioned for sex when i'm out with him.

i had to give him a ride home because he was too drunklor, where he continued to try touching me and taking out his weewee for me to touch. i managed to decline.

we also ran into my bff, but she un-facebook friended me, so i didn't feel the need to say hi or try to out-fake-nice her.

it's art-fusion night at rubber gloves again. i'm supposed to be joining rx and tx, but just realized this afternoon that i won't be able to get in without my id. fuck this shit.

it's time for rum.

omar reyes is in custody for possession of identifying information...

you know what that means?

restitutions.

fuck. yes.

i'm at jupiter house and i sat next to someone ((wtf)) and i picked the right person because he has a copy of half asleep in frog pajamas by tom robbins sitting next to him.

mengtar + tom robbins 4 ever ((written inside a heart on the bathroom wall of your elementary school))

onto bigger things... i have a car.



the final call was made on a 2007 ford focus. 33k miles. beige. warranty. financed.

i'm just glad it's over.

bwahahahaha, i miss my friends. but at least they're dealing with bigger idiots than me...



i got the call from the insurance company this morning wanting to settle for my car... for $2700. uhh... holy insult central!

dadx and i crunched some numbers and said we wanted $4225.

they countered with $4040. they didn't stand a chance.

tomorrow morning i will hear from them again about how much i will receive for my personal belongings taken from the vehicle. i'm hoping for another 500 at LEAST.



also, i found a possum... if only i had my own camera to photograph it... whatevs. whenever i get one there will be a million pictures of naked mengtars in and around her car... one. million.

car shopping went well today.

details later. but...

ugh!!! i hate periods.

i'm already fat, but now i have to retain 80 gallons of water and feel ultra-bloated-shitty and also be a beluga whale?

also, don't even think about commenting about how beluga whales don't necessarily retain water per se but it actually just flows quite freely through their porous skin...

fuck yourself i hate you and i will shove my bloody tampons down your throat!!!

after too many cups of waffle house coffee with dadx, i am wired at 3am...

i listened to my voicemail and stumbled upon this jewel from drunklor buctrose:

mengtar, really this fucker is playing promark right now and i asked him what the little stripes meant and he didn't know. the solid gold and the not so solid gold... he didn't know what that meant. the kid had decent singles but... i called him a bitch. and he won't even fucking answer. he didn't know what his drums meant! he's... honestly.... he's honestly, he's blind with promark and he didn't even know what it meant. i almost hit him. i played on his drumset for a little while and out-shined him. it felt right. and i took my shirt off so buctrose was definitely represented over him. honestly, you need to answer your phone this instant. period. period.








((period))

mengtar's dad is in texas!

apparently if your dad leaves your total loss adjuster a voicemail that includes kicking a chair across the room, not only will he deem the the paperwork that takes up to 15 days to process unnecessary, but he will also cover a rental car that your agent claims is not in your policy.

i woke up at 6.30a to a knock on the door at homeboy's place.

there was a storm coming and i still don't have a passenger window.

stressed out and overtired. i just want this to be over.

when i drove up to the house after work, there was a massive ((6 inches at least, but usually they're only 3-4)) lizard on the garage door.

i parked in the driveway instead so i wouldn't disturb him.

if it rains inside my car tonight, i'd be okay with it.

((he was sooo cute!!!!))

my blog could have should have been filled with photos of bballamike playing and beerpong with pumpkinhead...

but i don't have a camera or an id...

but we did have some chicken fried steaks and texas beers for lunch while i owned at darts. i'll settle for that. no pictures, though. but trust me.

stay tuned for the photos i won't be taking of me rocking his world at pool tonight at texas8ball.

until then, back to folding laundry ((the whites!))

"thankful for reality"

those words echo in my head as i organize all of the information for my insurance agent and for the claims office and for my new rental claim and for the claims adjuster and for the total loss adjuster...

am i in minnesota yet?

but it makes me happy knowing that superbonbon is enjoying her life in god's country and hope that i can be half as well or at least content soon... it may even take me moving back to minneapolis. i actually might be okay with that now.

i did some online car shopping at jupiter house tonight over a mocha shake with peanut butter while texting awkward totalled car sexual inuendos... car shopping will never be as fun as when you are sixteen, but dick and fart jokes will always be funny.

tomorrow i'm going to attempt getting a notary public signature for a picture id without a picture id. wish me luck.

i was fixing my saran wrap window while getting gas this morning ((okay, late afternoon)) and this lady was like, "not quite the ideal weather for not having full air conditioning, eh?" and then got into her hummer and drove off into the fog...

bitch.

i walked into discount tire this morning ((whatever, late afternoon, get over yourself)) and was greeted by jeff my tire guy.

jeff said:

it hasn't been long enough for you to be back here!

mengtar said:

i know... my car was stolen and they flattened a tire.

jeff said:

the one in the trunk?

mengtar said:

don't get cocky.

a good relationship with your tire guy is very important. i recommend jeff.

from the position i was sitting, i could see over a dozen dead bugs along the inside perimeter of discount tire. i was okay with that. as a tire shop, it's acceptable and almost expected. although, i still have no problem drinking the coffee.

no, YOU get a life!

after nearly a decade as our best relief pitcher, juan rincon has been struggling the past few years. yesterday, the twins gave him the ultimatum of being moved to the rochester triple-a or end his contract and become a free-agent.

rincon is a free-agent.



and after losing torii hunter to the angels, he was the most... veteranist... of the team... ten yearsish i believe.

whatever.



we'll miss you, 39!

so i thought the dude was going to cut me a check yesterday...

but he was like "well, i'm the field inspection adjuster... tomorrow the total loss adjuster will call you..."

awesome. he'll be able to tell me how much i'm getting...

"well, i'll go ahead and get these forms mailed out to you and you fill them out and notarize them and mail them back and we'll just keep moving you along..."

wow...

this will never end.

today my insurance company will give me one million dollars for my car.

legit.

the last four days of stress has taken 2 years off my life.

nothing but drinking and talking to insurance companies, banks, and the denton police department.

also, getting fucked from every angle by everything possible.



((i hate this))

bitch get to smash a gibson guitar at 7am for the hardrock cafe 30th anniversary the morning after the nxne opening party.



you officially know the most jealous person in the world.

soo... they pulled my stolen car out of the woods last night...












rip mazda 626

2000-2008

i wish i could be happy because happy mother fu kin birthdfay to tx but....


my caer was stolen tonight...

i dont' have a amothjer fucking car.


fuck you .

jxnumbereighty-five came back last night and conned me into hanging with the og crew that i would normally avoid. i pretty much wanted to shoot myself in the face until a few cats showed up almost an hour before bar close. that's okay, it made it worth it, so i forgive you.



also, these beers were un-legit. ((r2x brought them in))




also, he might be moving in with me. ((rock on))

found a bill on the streets yo.

legit.

i woke up scraped and bruised from last night's wrestling match over my camera.




since i can no longer afford my trip to LA, px says i owe him big time. i decided to repay my debts to him the only way i know... explicit photos.

the importance of the privacy of these photos is mild. px enjoys the fact that he is the only one that gets to see them, but if someone were to glance at one or two, i can't say i'd care.

however, there is a possibility that these photos were taken in the bed of the homeboy trying to wrestle the camera from me. so the importance of the privacy of these photos from him is much higher.

then upon leaving homeboy's place, i was attacked by this guy.



had to drive home with a swollen mound on my back so i could ice it for an hour to get the stinger out. apparently taking nudie pics of yourself in someone else's bed with no intentions of showing them later is just bad kharma. bitches.

is this even street legal?



last night was big momma and little daddy's drag show at the boiler room. presenting the same gay 30-somethings doing the same christina aguilera songs with a better girlish figure than me.

jx showed up, fresh from 80's night at hailey's, with less than fresh clothing... note the sweat lines. ((also, FUCK 80's night))




i remember who black mike is! he's the guy that's more into himself than homeboy is that works at the abbey inn! anyway, he was at the drag show last night and he bought me a shot and i was okay with it and he said i was pretty while he walked me to my car and i rolled my eyes because i don't really subscribe to that, but it was a nice gesture and he kissed me and it was nice but i asked him to stop because i don't really subscribe to that either. blah blah blah everything predictable about leaving the bar and that one guy just won't leave you alone but you're too nice or awkward to just say no. but then he said something that actually suprised me.

black mike said:

you're right. i shouldn't be doing that if you're still with that other guy.

mengtar said:

what other guy?

black mike said:

your boyfriend. the dudeboy with the sweatband on.

mengtar said:

whoa.... no no no... where did you get that idea?

black mike said:

last time i saw you out, he told me to back down because the two of you were kind of together...

wow, jx, your shallow levels never cease to amaze me. just wow.

but apparently the feelings from the combination of being less attractive than drag queens and homeboy deciding 3 minutes in that he was just too tired has carried over from last night into my morning. i'd rather not go to work and stay in my room and not let anyone look at me today.

i need a break from the way you make me feel like shit. i'm glad pumpkin head will be here soon.

upon further ((sober)) review of the photos, it appears that there is a small chance that the flying scorpion may have actually been a ((giant)) stink bug.

that is all.

an evening in the life of being completely awesome:



((count it))



flying scorpions. invasive species?







::insert clever here::





i'm too buzzed to be clever and too sober to be witty.

le sigh.